(Closed) Traditionally…What does the groom's family pay for?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@GamersBride:  Just the rehearsal dinner, unfortunately 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1918 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Traditionally the groom’s family only pays for the rehearsal dinner, but those rules are really outdated.  Everyone normally just contributes what they can and tries to stay within budget.  I have heard some brides say that formal etiquette says that the groom’s family pays for the alcohol, but I’ve never read that anywhere else.

Post # 5
Member
7085 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@louisianablue:  +1 to all of that. Those are really outdated rules and typically I think families just contribute what they can.

I’m sorry that your families are fighting about this. I hope you are able to resolve all of the issues. Money can definitely be a really tough topic!

Post # 6
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I hate money, too! Yes, the rehearsal, although one of my friends is from the North and his family ended up paying for the alcohol at the wedding in addition to the rehearsal. Another friend said sometimes the groom’s family pays for the flowers, which I had never heard of. I was under the impression that sometimes they contribute to the honeymoon, but I guess that’s not true for the most part. 

Sometimes it feels like a double standard. I’m not expecting my groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal with all of their life savings, but my parents have been really generous and have two other daughters (plus two sons!) and he only has brothers, and his father is acting really miserly. 

It seems like nowadays there are no expectations, everything that is offered is a gift, and there should be no assumptions made. 

Post # 8
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

All I’ve ever heard of is the rehearsal dinner, but I confess I am not the go-to person on ettiquette. I would look it up but there are probably a million different answers depending on the culture or time period.

If there actually was a definite answer, would they give up the argument and be happy about paying? Seems to me that would be a no, so what’s the point in proving anyone right or wrong? Sounds like a lose-lose.

Post # 9
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Traditionally, grooms parents pay for:

Rehearsal dinner

Personal flowers (boquets and boutineers)

Alcohol at reception

Officiant

Honeymoon

 

But nowadays, they either contribute to the wedding itself or have the rehearsal dinner or both but it usually isn’t this specific.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve always been told that traditionally groom’s family pays for rehearsal dinner and flowers. I don’t hear that often but that seems to be the normal in my social circle/family.

Post # 11
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@GamersBride:  They should pay for what they want to pay for.  There’s no reason for anyone to be arguing about this.  It’s their money and they can use it however they deem appropriate.

Post # 12
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yeah, I was about to link to that Knot article. I had heard that the groom’s fam was ‘responsible’ for flowers, rings, and his attire, but wasn’t sure where. I think I’ve seen similar threads on here…

My FI’s parents are only paying for our rehearsal dinner.

Post # 13
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Here’s another take from the Knot — same site, different list. I.e. there’s no one right answer.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/qa/what-are-the-grooms-parents-expected-to-pay-for.aspx

 

“Traditionally, the parents of the groom take care of a few of the expenses including: the marriage license, officiant’s fee, corsages, boutonnieres, the bride’s bouquet, groomsmen gifts, liquor, and the reception DJ or band. And the bride’s parents pay for everything else. Then again, today’s guidelines of who pays for what are very flexible — many times, the parents of the bride and groom will split the wedding expenses in half, or sometimes into thirds, depending on whether the couple pitches in. In the end, the amount of money you contribute depends upon your financial situation and how much you’re willing to contribute.”

Post # 14
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@GamersBride:  Rehearsal dinner. I’ve met a few people who believed traditionally they also pay for the alcohol, but this by no means seems across the board, and is not what I grew up thinking.

Post # 15
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As far as I’m aware, just the rehearsal dinner.  Traditionally the groom buys the rings, not his family, and the rest is on the bride’s family. 

However, jeez that sucks that they are arguing about things! I’m curious what it is that they cannot agree on.  If they don’t want to pay for ‘traditional’ things, then you and FI should pay for them as it seems you want to.

My FI’s parents are very tight on money and aren’t paying for anything.  However, I can see where tension could come in because my mom had been expecting that they would pay for the rehersal dinner.  I let her know that I do NOT want them to pay for it; I’d rather pay it ourselves than have his parents pay it, but my parents ended up agreeing to pay it.  We managed it politely by my mom telling his dad that its traditional in England for the bride’s parents to pay EVERYTHING and that they were happy to stick with that.  Luckily, it wasn’t a big deal, as I can see how either side could quickly get offended.

Post # 16
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a book by Mindy Weiss and she says that traditionally you follow FLOP for the groom’s parents; meaning they cover flowers, liquor, orchestra, photography. I was always under the impression that the groom’s family just covered the rehearsal dinner cost.

Here’s an article about that: http://www.bridalguide.com/planning/budget/mindy-weiss-wedding-budget-advice

However, I have never heard anyone to use that method so basically this is my way of saying that I don’t think there is any ‘traditional’ way of going about it. 

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