Post # 1
Okay… so what TRADITIONALLY does the groom’s family pay for? Or rather, what does etiquette dictate? My parents and his parents got in to a fight about who was paying for what. I won’t say who is doing what… because I don’t want to influence the the answer. I’m hoping TTR or any other etiquette pro can answer because I am now in the middle of an AWKWARD situation and made things worse by getting mad and just saying that we’ll just pay everyone back and pay for the wedding ourselves like we originally intended. I. Hate. Money. (I’m in tears right now because I’m between a rock and a hard place. And I am regretting being talked in to letting others pay for something my gut told me to pay for myself…)
Post # 3
@GamersBride: Just the rehearsal dinner, unfortunately 🙁
Post # 4
Traditionally the groom’s family only pays for the rehearsal dinner, but those rules are really outdated. Everyone normally just contributes what they can and tries to stay within budget. I have heard some brides say that formal etiquette says that the groom’s family pays for the alcohol, but I’ve never read that anywhere else.
Post # 5
@louisianablue: +1 to all of that. Those are really outdated rules and typically I think families just contribute what they can.
I’m sorry that your families are fighting about this. I hope you are able to resolve all of the issues. Money can definitely be a really tough topic!
Post # 6
I hate money, too! Yes, the rehearsal, although one of my friends is from the North and his family ended up paying for the alcohol at the wedding in addition to the rehearsal. Another friend said sometimes the groom’s family pays for the flowers, which I had never heard of. I was under the impression that sometimes they contribute to the honeymoon, but I guess that’s not true for the most part.
Sometimes it feels like a double standard. I’m not expecting my groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal with all of their life savings, but my parents have been really generous and have two other daughters (plus two sons!) and he only has brothers, and his father is acting really miserly.
It seems like nowadays there are no expectations, everything that is offered is a gift, and there should be no assumptions made.
Post # 7
Post # 8
All I’ve ever heard of is the rehearsal dinner, but I confess I am not the go-to person on ettiquette. I would look it up but there are probably a million different answers depending on the culture or time period.
If there actually was a definite answer, would they give up the argument and be happy about paying? Seems to me that would be a no, so what’s the point in proving anyone right or wrong? Sounds like a lose-lose.
Post # 9
Traditionally, grooms parents pay for:
Personal flowers (boquets and boutineers)
Alcohol at reception
But nowadays, they either contribute to the wedding itself or have the rehearsal dinner or both but it usually isn’t this specific.
Post # 10
I’ve always been told that traditionally groom’s family pays for rehearsal dinner and flowers. I don’t hear that often but that seems to be the normal in my social circle/family.
Post # 11
@GamersBride: They should pay for what they want to pay for. There’s no reason for anyone to be arguing about this. It’s their money and they can use it however they deem appropriate.
Post # 12
Yeah, I was about to link to that Knot article. I had heard that the groom’s fam was ‘responsible’ for flowers, rings, and his attire, but wasn’t sure where. I think I’ve seen similar threads on here…
My FI’s parents are only paying for our rehearsal dinner.
Post # 13
Here’s another take from the Knot — same site, different list. I.e. there’s no one right answer.
“Traditionally, the parents of the groom take care of a few of the expenses including: the marriage license, officiant’s fee, corsages, boutonnieres, the bride’s bouquet, groomsmen gifts, liquor, and the reception DJ or band. And the bride’s parents pay for everything else. Then again, today’s guidelines of who pays for what are very flexible — many times, the parents of the bride and groom will split the wedding expenses in half, or sometimes into thirds, depending on whether the couple pitches in. In the end, the amount of money you contribute depends upon your financial situation and how much you’re willing to contribute.”
Post # 14
@GamersBride: Rehearsal dinner. I’ve met a few people who believed traditionally they also pay for the alcohol, but this by no means seems across the board, and is not what I grew up thinking.
Post # 15
As far as I’m aware, just the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally the groom buys the rings, not his family, and the rest is on the bride’s family.
However, jeez that sucks that they are arguing about things! I’m curious what it is that they cannot agree on. If they don’t want to pay for ‘traditional’ things, then you and FI should pay for them as it seems you want to.
My FI’s parents are very tight on money and aren’t paying for anything. However, I can see where tension could come in because my mom had been expecting that they would pay for the rehersal dinner. I let her know that I do NOT want them to pay for it; I’d rather pay it ourselves than have his parents pay it, but my parents ended up agreeing to pay it. We managed it politely by my mom telling his dad that its traditional in England for the bride’s parents to pay EVERYTHING and that they were happy to stick with that. Luckily, it wasn’t a big deal, as I can see how either side could quickly get offended.
Post # 16
I have a book by Mindy Weiss and she says that traditionally you follow FLOP for the groom’s parents; meaning they cover flowers, liquor, orchestra, photography. I was always under the impression that the groom’s family just covered the rehearsal dinner cost.
Here’s an article about that: http://www.bridalguide.com/planning/budget/mindy-weiss-wedding-budget-advice
However, I have never heard anyone to use that method so basically this is my way of saying that I don’t think there is any ‘traditional’ way of going about it.