Post # 1
I’m curious if anyone else has a fiance who is struggling with this concept. I think that I am very on board with getting married and all that it means/represents. My FI is too but I think sometimes he loses sight (or possibly is afraid) of just how big of a deal this commitment is. We had an argument last night over something silly but underneath the surface argument was the simply fact that my FI has lived on his own since he was 16. He has never had to depend on anyone but himself and he has a hard time letting people in. He likes to be independent and at times seems almost afraid to trust that I am on his side and not going anywhere ever. Sometimes when we argue I need to remind him that I am his FI…not his girlfriend anymore. We are making a lifetime commitment and we no longer have the option of “breaking up.” Also, rather than argue we should discuss and work together or at least respect each other’s differing opinions. I don’t know…does anyone else struggle with making the transition from GF to FI? Or does anyone have an FI who sometimes still acts like this could potentially be a temporary situation and forgets that it is a forever promise?
Post # 3
I think everyone goes through this to some degree. I think it’s important to discuss what your values are as a couple and what your goals are as a couple. Also, discuss any “non-negotiables”. Like now, when you get into a fight, you cannot say,” it’s over” or “This isn’t going to work.” If one or both of you has certain triggers that fuel the fire in an argument, discuss how to handle those. For me, it’s yelling. As soon as voices are raised, I’m out. FI grew up in a very loud house where they were yelling all the time (they are seriously loud talkers!). I’m also a person that needs alone time often, but FI could be with me 24/7 and it never bothers him. Sometimes people take all this stuff for granted, but I think it’s important to talk about who you are as a couple and what that looks like.
Post # 4
Sometimes I’ve struggled with this- when we get into spats its hard for me not to throw the “this isnt working” thing out. When ppl use that kind of language, it tends to be for the shock value, so I think it just takes some adjusting (at least for me) to handle myself more maturely and realize that this IS working, and that I need to find better ways of both standing up for myself and for our relationship. This is probably what your FI is going through. Marriage calls for big changes and swallowing your pride all around:)