Trapped & in serious need of help advice.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

have you discussed this with him?

Post # 3
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Try telling him how you feel and give working things out a shot but If you don’t love him and you really are unhappy then leave. I know easier said then done but everyone will be happier in the end.

Post # 6
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to be in, or like he’s supportive of your needs and life. Have you thought about counseling?

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Try talking to him. It’s possible to make things work, but you have to WANT it. And you have to be willing to make some compromises. Perhaps you won’t be able to move home, but you should not have to put up with constand complaining or negativity.

Put the wedding on hold, though.

Post # 8
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Sorry, just saw the update. If he can’t take your concerns seriously, I would really think hard about whether to proceed with the wedding or not. 

Post # 9
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My sister was in one of those relationships and stayed. BIG MISTAKE. I can’t and won’t get into all the problems she and her entire family have had because of the control and selfishness of one man.

And that’s what leads me to my next point. As a family, you should both be making the best choices for the family. But if he refuses to hear you out on any of your problems and concerns, or take a vested interest in your feelings, needs, etc. then girl you already know the answer. And posing this question here on this forum, tells me that you are only looking for validation for what you want because he simply won’t give it to you. I think you need to get validation from yourself and then act. At this point, he chose not to get involved by shutting you out. Now it’s your move. Literally. 

Post # 10
Member
13005 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he’s not willing to address the issue and fix it now, it’s not going to change and only going to drag on like this and make it harder in the long run.  Seen it happen.  I say cut your losses now.  It’s better for your child to grow up around a happy loving environment without her father if it comes to that than with her father that makes the household a tense and miserable one.  Have you told him you want to return to your home state?

Post # 13
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I guess I’m confused about school.  Did you stop after you had your child or do you still go at nights or something?   

Since you have no income how are you going to get an attorney to file for custody of your child and for permission to leave the area?   Some people work a few jobs to make money or like DH’s brother he works nights and she works days and that way no need for child care for their 3kids.  It’s hard but they have a five year plan so maybe something like that would work?   Would your FI move with you back to your hometown?   

Maybe counseling for just yourself is something to look into.  If for nothing else than to get your own head straight. 

ETA:  DH’s brother also goes to college and so does his wife, they both made deans list. So that’s why their 5year plan is what they are working with in, both move up in their jobs,  get decent shifts and more pay.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  .
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