Post # 1
Here is the dilemna. My new husband and I live in Nashville, and we’re going to my home for Thanksgiving. It’s about a 5 hour drive.
My husband has to work the morning after Thanksgiving, and the day before. I’m trying to decide if we should drive together or if I should drive separately. I have Wednesday through Sunday off of work myself.
PROS: being a unified couple for our first holiday together. Since I’ll be driving with him, I’ll be able to decide when we leave and he won’t be able to skip out too early on Thanksgiving night.
CONS: it will be a total drag to spend 10 hours in the car within the same 30 or so hours. I won’t get to relax at home on my holiday. Less time with my family.
PROS: I would get more time to myself to relax and spend with my family, who I rarely see anymore.
CONS: He might try to leave way earlier than I’d like him to on Thanksgiving night, so he won’t participate as fully in the holiday as I want, and that will feel sad. It would be presenting this totally un-unified front to my family. We would spend 2-3 nights apart. Extra $60 in gas. His car is old and it’s probably better to try to save its mileage.
I’d love to hear your ideas, commisserations, etc! And vote in the poll!
Post # 3
I think it’s really important as a newlywed couple to go together. It will be sad to go separately. You’re a team now, and it might be better for both of you if you go together, especially for the first Thanksgiving. I have the same question as you though, and everyone tells me we should go together. Good luck!
Post # 4
I vote drive separately. I’ve never been one of those omg-i-cant-go-2-days-without-seeing-him kind of girls though, so I guess that colors my view. 🙂 I love my family, I love love LOVE the holidays, and I (like you) feel like I don’t get to see my family nearly enough. To me it would be worth the extra gas money to get to stay and have a relaxing holiday with the fam, and do our traditional black friday shopping with my mom. And as much as parents sometimes don’t want to admit it, I know my parents love the occasions when I’m up to see them alone for a day. I don’t really think that just because I’m getting married it means I’m attached at the hip and they’ll only ever see us as a pair.
As for the him leaving early thing… talk to him. Tell him you don’t want him to leave early and that it will make you sad if he leaves before x (x being a specific time or event that you’d like him to stay through). He’s your husband! I’m sure he wants to make you happy.
Post # 5
I’m sure you want to see your family, but I also think practically you are going to spend a good chunk of time in the car anyways and driving together will save money and wear and tear on his car.
Also, I’m sure he would like someone to make the drive with. That really sucks having to drive 10 hours within a three day span by yourself. I’m sure he would do it for you, but still, not fun.
As an alternative, can you look into an inexpensive one way car rental? We have done this before in the 5 hour trip to my parents. You could drive there on Wednesday (rentals should be fairly cheap on a week day) and drop off the car. Then come home with him on Thursday night (plus then he doesn’t have to drive home at night alone).
Post # 6
I would maybe take the bus/train/fly there and drive back with him?
My husband and I do this sometimes, and it works out well.
Post # 7
@caszos: Here I thought I was so original and clever before I read all the posts. That’s a good idea too!
Post # 8
I would drive together mostly because I would hate to drive roundtrip by myself, and I wouldn’t be thrilled about my husband driving so many hours by himself at night after a long day, it would make me nervous.
Post # 9
I would go together. You said yourself it’s not a good idea to put so many miles on his older car. So I think it’s most practical for you to go together.
Post # 10
Hmm, I’ll look into the car rental or bus idea because I think it would be a good compromise! Beyond that, the posters have mostly convinced me to drive together, even though the poll leans in the opposite way. Practically speaking, saving those miles on his car might mean it will last an extra couple months!
Post # 11
@marjojo: Good plan! Plus it sounds like traveling together is the best for your relationship. You will get some time together in the car, going to dinner as a new family “unit”, and he won’t leave early!
Post # 12
Honestly, I would go separatly. That’s doesn’t create an “un-unified front” at all – it just shows that you have different work schedules. DH travels for work so whenever we visit family, he’s flying to and from his project site and I’m flying to and from our home. We NEVER leave and arrive together but that doesn’t make us any less unifed.
You have the extra days off – take the time to be able to relax and enjoy the holiday with your family! Especially since you said yourself you rarely get to spend time with them anymore!
Post # 13
Drive separate! My DH and I live 2 hours from our families (who live 45 minutes apart) and we drive separately all the time. We have different work schedules and I enjoy spending time with my family since I don’t see them as often as I would like (and he is the same way). It doesn’t make us less unified, granted it is a shorter drive than you have.
If you don’t want to take both cars, look into taking a bus back on Sunday and have him drive your car. Unless he gets really upset with you for wanting to stay, I think you should enjoy the holiday and spend time with your family.
Post # 14
I vote for driving together. I also think it is extremely important to start out a new marriage by making togetherness a priority- being together is the number one way to do that. Plus, your first holidays as a married couple- isn’t it more fun together? I had the option to fly up early for Thanksgiving and let me hubby do the twelve hour drive himself- we will be driving up together.
Post # 15
I go with drive separate. True that you are married and a couple, but that doesnt mean you have to be attached at the hip arriving, during and departing. Family time is just as important as appearing unified (which is unimportant in this case here to me) and if I lived that far from my family, I’d want to maximize my time with them whenever I get the chance, and not make it look like you have to be attached to your husband and sacrafice time with you family even though you have the time off just cause he doesnt.
Post # 16
I would drive togethor, only bc I am not good at driving alone for long distances. Don’t worry how you seem to present yourself to others, this is your family you are talking about, whose to judge? I do feel that if your husband does want to leave early, you need to cut him some slack. He is working the day before and the day following and traveling is very tiring. This is the case for us, I work 12 hr shifts so I am off more frequently while DH never has time off. You just have to compromise.