- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’m new here and this is hard for me to get into but I’m here searching for some advice.
To make a long story short, my brother is 4 years older than I am. Growing up he liked to make me play “games”. I wont get into them but I’m sure you can figure out the jest of it. He didn’t stop until he was in 9th grade and a family member forced him to stop.
I spent my entire childhood and basically life trying to ignore it, trying to convince myself it did not happen. Trying to pretend like it was just a dream. Finally though last year I was able to deal with it. It was hard but I was able to admit it happened, see it wasn’t my fault etc.
I also told my fiance about this. At the time my brother lived in another country! But last year he moved back to the states and to Georgia none the less. It was bad. I flipped out and panicked. He started trying to come over to my house all the time and it was not acceptable.
Now here’s the issue, my fiance refuses to invite my brother to our wedding. I understand completely, my fiance is FURIOUS that my brother would do something like that to his little sister and says he never wants to see my brothers face. But my mom has no clue about the history and continues to talk about my brother being at the wedding and all the things he can do to help.
So I have to tell my brother he can not come to the wedding. But it will blind sight him, I’ve spent the last 10 years acting like it never happened and now all of a sudden I’m telling him he’s not invited to my wedding because of it. He never apologized for it or anything so it has never been talked about at all.
I’m already non confrontational so sending him the email will be hard, but what’s more difficult is that he is now living in his truck, and posted on fb yesterday “I miss my family and miss my sister” wth?
I don’t know what to do or how to tell him he can’t come to the wedding. He’s drinking a lot nowadays and always seems to post depressing drunk updates on fb, I’m worried of making him snap or something. What do I do?
Edit to include*
My fiance could tell before I told him that something was off. He met my brother before I told him. About 2 weeks after he met my brother I finally told him and he wasn’t surprised. He said my brother started talking about how I was such an amazing person and he’d never find someone as good as I was and my fiance thought it was strange but said “Yeah I’m so lucky to have her” and my brother just looked at his feet and got quiet and didn’t say anything after. I don’t know how to read this but my brother has always been like that. He’s been supportive of what I wanted to do but there has always been this underlying something… Just something off deep down and I’ve always seen it. My fiance seeing it just confirmed I wasn’t crazy and something is still very off about that.
I just don’t know how to tell him. I hate the idea of hurting anyone at all, and I know he doesn’t deserve my kindness but none the less I feel bad about the idea of hurting anyone