- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Right now, we have a guest list of 164 people for our June 2015 wedding. Of that 164 people, about 60 are my family’s guests, 70 are FI’s family’s guests and the remainder are our mutual friends. Of the 164 people, all 60 from my side are local to our venue (within an hour’s drive) and none on FI’s side are local (his family and their friends live 2 hours away, the remainder of his family lives 4+ hours away). Of our mutual friends, only a few are local and most are spread out along the east coast (NY to DC) and the west coast. We anticipate that virtually all of our mutual friends will come.
Our venue is able to accomodate up to 180 people, but we really don’t want that. Our venue coordinator said that, ideally, 130-140 is perfect. And that’s about the size we are comfortable with, although I’d prefer 120-130. It’s not about cost, really, it’s more about the space. We want our guests to have plenty of room to eat, drink, mingle and dance. The more people we have, the smaller the dance floor, and with a 7 person (AMAZING) band, we want to have a big dance floor for all of our guests to enjoy.
So, we’re looking to “trim the fat,” if you will. While I know that a certain amount of our 164 invitees won’t be able to come, it’s hard to know who or how many. On my side, I really can’t foresee who won’t come, as our venue is a short drive away for everyone, so it will really just come down to having other commitments that day. In addition, I don’t really see anywhere where I can “trim the fat” on my side, as everyone is close family or friends of my parents who they have known (and who have known me) for 20+ years. While I’d love to be able to trim down the list of my parent’s friends (about 10 couples), it’s hard because they are all in the same two groups of friends. If we invite some people in a group and not others, it will be awkward and very, very obvious.
On FI’s side of things, however, there is more fat to trim. His family is smaller, and his mom has invited almost 35 friends. Of these friends, FI only knows 5 or 6 of the couples well. A few he doesn’t know at all. Obviously, this is the place to trim things down, however (and here’s my issue), I feel really guilty having FI tell his mom she has to cut people off of her list while my family doesn’t have to cut anyone.
The other thing to note is that her friends all live 2+ hours away, so there will likely be a higher decline rate among her people anyway. We are getting married downtown in a major city, though, and I feel like people might come just to have a little weekend get away or something like that.
What should we do, Bees? Invite all 164 people and hope for a bunch of declines? Tell FI’s mom her guests have to go? Make cuts on my side of the guest list to make things “fair?” Make a “B List” of FI’s parents friends? I’m STRESSED OUT!!!
FYI: Our parents are paying entirely for the wedding, and will be splitting the costs about 50/50. FI’s mom has offered to pay more since she is inviting more people, but again, it’s more about the space than cost for us.