- 8 years ago
Okay… here’s the thing: I’ve lived overseas for 3 years now. The other expats who I live with have changed every year (people are on year long contracts, so it’s like a revolving door), so I’m not close enough to anyone here to ask any of them to be bridesmaids, except one friend who will still be here when we get married, and she didn’t even go home to be in her own SIL’s wedding, so I know she wouldn’t come back to be in mine. 🙂
BUT I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people, so it’s hard to tell who I’m closest to of my old friends anymore.
I’ve already asked my long time bff (whose husband is J’s bff since childhood and still a good friend) and one cousin. J is having 3 guys and I’d really like to have three girls, so I need one more. There are about 4 girls I’ve thought of who I could easily ask, plus I do have two other cousins who I’m kind of close to who I could ask, but it starts to get weird with not asking any of the OTHER 7 female cousins close to my age then… the one I already asked I have always been closest to.
Because of the distance, I’m still friends with these people, but it’s hard to guage how close I really am to them each, and whether our friendship will still be around 10 years from now, if that makes sense.
So, we have the following friends, NONE of whom live where we’re getting married:
–F: the long time good friend with whom I have deep heart to heart conversations, but who I almost never just hang out with, not friends with like any of my other friends; we lived together for a while and we’ve always been very close, but she’s not very girly and I worry that buying the dress, etc would be more of an annoyance than a joy for her. The actual standing up I think she’d be excited about, but I don’t think she’d be very helpful for planning, etc.
–R & M: close, girly, giggly girls who would be all excitement. Been friends with them since the beginning of college and we were in the same major (lots of classes together) + had most friends in common, our friendships are strong, but not as deep as some friends. I also worry that asking one or the other will make the one I don’t ask upset.
–L: Roommate for 2 years, felt like a sister by the end (we kind of bickered like sisters), but we have a really great friendship that picks up where it left off every time I see her again; we have a lot of fun together, and I was initially thinking of asking her, but worry that the financial stuff might be too much (dress, flights, hotel, etc.) since she’s planning to quit her job and start grad school in the fall, plus last time I was in the States I called her and she never called back, which surprised me. 🙁
–T: Another friend from college; we hung around in the same group but never hung out one-on-one, but since graduation (and moving here) she’s been one of the most consistently good at keeping in touch, emailing, calling, etc. and I feel like our friendship has actually grown despite the distance, whereas other friendships have stayed the same or fallen away.
The thing is that I can’t imagine ANY of these girls expecting to be my bridesmaids. I’ve always had fewer friends, not really a very outgoing person. I prefer to have a few close friends, and I’m happy with that, but it’s hard, because most of my close friends usually have more other close friends than I do, haha, so sometimes our relationships can feel a little unbalanced. Add the distance to that, and I’m afraid whomever I ask will be like, “Really? Me?” (which is what even my cousin said – sad!)
I read posts about friends who expect to be in your wedding party, and part of me is jealous – these people obviously care enough about you to assume you’ll want them nearby, haha, and I wish I could have someone clearly express that for me!
Anyway, what do you think is most important in a bridesmaid? Deep intimacy? Girly excitment and willingness to be a slave to the wedding? Length of time you’ve been friends? How cute she’ll look in the dress (haha, just kidding!)?
Who do you think I should pick?