Trouble in my paradise!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SoNLoveWithHim:  What are you afraid of that you feel would be dealt with in a 3 year engagement that would not be in a 2 year engagement?

I can see being  bit gun shy after a divorce but you can’t let fear paralyze you for the rest of your life.

Post # 4
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@SoNLoveWithHim:  What terrifies you exactly? What do you think will be better with an additional year? Is it the wedding that’s making you anxious or the marriage?

Post # 5
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

I recommend couples or individual counseling to get to the root of your fears and figure out a way to work through them.

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee

You’ve mentioned that you’re afraid to take the final step. This may be because you’re first marriage ended in divorce and you don’t want the same thing to happen with this man. Sure, you like the idea of spending the rest of your life with him, but maybe you’re afraid that the excitement will wear off once you become married. Did that happen in your first marriage? If that’s the case, then maybe you’re just afriad that he’ll stop loving you, or feeling like he doesn’t have to impress you anymore, and then the romance will wear off.

Post # 9
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Some jitters are perfectly normal but being actually terrified..you have to do some soul searching and figure out whether you are scared because of your previous divorce and you don’t want it to happen again or that you genuinly don’t feel ready to make that commitment or may’be you just don’t want to be married again but do want to be with him for the rest of your life? or are you just nervous about the whole idea of a wedding, being on show etc, everyone gets a bit nervous of that but the fact you want to put it of tells me you need space to work out what it is that’s bothering you

Post # 10
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SoNLoveWithHim:  I suggest you seek some counselling. Fears that deep don’t usually just evaporate on their own.

I have been divorced and remarried. I did not let the fact that I had been divorced turn me away from being married again. There are lots of great men and women out there who have found a successful relationship after divorce.

Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@SoNLoveWithHim:  Have you spoken to him about it yet? Let him know what you are feeling? I don’t think a longer engagement will solve anything–as julies1949 said, fears don’t just go away on their own. I’m sorry you are going through these feelings during what should be a happy time in your life! Maybe if you explain things to him, you two can talk it out and you’ll feel better. If not, maybe talking to someone else might be beneficial. 

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