Post # 1
I just need a quick vent.
I have been engaged for almost one month, and we’re ears deep in wedding planningand my mom and I keep butting heads over the budget. While my fiance and I would be more than happy with a courthouse ceremony and an intimate dinner after, my parents want the whole shebang. My parents are generously paying, and I’ve been given the dollar amount of what they had saved up for us.
I am forever grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I hate the idea of spending all that money on one day. If they want to spend that money on me, I’d much rather it go to my student loans, or towards our house payments. I guess I’m a little too practical.
Anytime something comes up, my mom goes “Ok, we’ll just pay for XYZ!” and my response is “Can we afford that?!?!” And mom says well, we will have to afford it. We will find more money. The thing is, I don’t give a crap about most of the things that cost so much, and she won’t listen when I try to say that we don’t have to have whatever it is.
I don’t care about programs, flowers, invitations, or inviting everyone I’ve ever met (and some I haven’t). I DO care about actually getting married, eating, and getting good pictures of the day. The rest I can very much do without. My mom is also VERY into the “That’s what you HAVE to do because it’s a WEDDING!”
I guess I just need to learn how to let go and spend with abondon
Hmm, this was longer than I expected. Sorry bees, thanks for letting me rant!
Post # 3
I think its great that your mother wants to help out so much and give you a big day,but if your not that keen on spending much money,maybe sit down with your mother and tell her your just not comfortable with it all,and maybe make some suggestions as to how she CAN help,maybe a photgrapher and caterer. Or if she really does want to give you the full shebang,try and keep it as low key as possible.
With our wedding,I have the same attitude, I dont care about invites,napkins,even table seating.To me,as long as we have a ceremony,food and people we love around us,all is good!
But if you mum insists,well…… lol 🙂
Post # 4
Thanks for the pep talk, I really needed it. She’s still doing it, and trying to add more stuff. She keeps asking me if I want a videographer. I’m trying to figure out a way to tell her no without 1) making it look like I hate her ideas and 2)making it look like I’m only turning it down out of concern for the budget. Sigh.
Hey it could be worse. At least she hasn’t suggested a release of trained doves dyed to match my wedding colors that do a choreographed dance sequence on command. 🙂
Post # 5
Hi. maybe she’s reluctant to have you have a court housemarriage. Try suggesting something more traditional for a service and see if she bends toward a less lavish affair.
Maybe she had court house or simple wedding and she wanted more for you? Is she living through your wedding perhaps?
Do you have a country home or does he? You could go there, which would limit your guests and keep it down to a more intimate wedding.
Or find a venue which has a limited amount of seating and say that’s where you want it, which will limit your guests nicely without hassle.
Keep in touch.
Post # 6
I think it’s really sweet your mum is so involved in your wedding, she’s probably been planning your wedding for longer than you have! I understand it’s hard to co-plan what is your and your FI’s love celebration but to many people (especially parents) weddings are more a family affaird than a bridal couple only event. Plus, she probably wants to make sure you get a fabulous ‘send off’ you can remember years down the line and tell your kids about.
There are plenty of things you can do to keep your mum occupied that don’t cost much money, I don’t know what you’re thinking in terms of decorations of invites but I’m going to get my mum to help do a lot of it. Cost effective and keeps her out of trouble 🙂
Also, ask your mum about friends and family that can help. Maybe she knows someone who could video the wedding or make the cake? Things like that will keep her busy trying to find the right people and also keep costs down.