Trouble with the parents!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@TimeWillCome:  It sucks when people offer something but do not come through with it. But if your parents decide to use their money elsewhere then that is their choice.

Realistically you have two options but both centre on you and your FI paying for your own wedding. Option 1 is to keep saving until you guys can afford the wedding you want. Option 2 is to reevaluate and have a wedding that you can afford now.

Post # 4
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

The advice you’ve received is good. You’ve been engaged for 2 years already, and if you need others’ money for the wedding you want, who knows how much longer you might be waiting? Figure out a budget, have a smaller wedding, or just go and get married by a justice of the peace.

 

Post # 5
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Good advice. I also think you need to really discuss with your FI which is most important to you guys right now: 1) waiting for enough money for a wedding or 2) being married to one another. As engrained as it is in us, they are not the same thing. You always have the option to be married by a JOP and then use the money you do have set aside for a reception/party to celebrate your marriage. If its really important to you/him and your families to have a wedding, then I would look at your budget and figure out what you can do to make it happen. There is always going to be something that comes up or gets in the way. Talk to each other and figure out what you want.

Post # 6
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

It doesn’t sound like your family isn’t ready; it just sounds like they do not have a money tree in their yard. They deserve to be happy and do things they enjoy as well. It’s not a requirement for them to fund your dream wedding; anything they DO give you is a gift.

I suggest you & your FI sit down and talk with them, and understand exactly what (if anything) they can afford to contribute, and get that money as soon as you can and put it into a savings account for wedding expenses only (don’t wait until it’s time to pay a vendor … other brides fell into that trap and it was a disaster for them). THEN, you and your FI sit down and look at what all you have to spend, what all you would like, and figure out how to make those two things marry up.

Not sure how old you are, but if you’re young(er) (e.g., <23) they may have thought they’d have more time to save up for your wedding, and that is no longer the case, or maybe their priorities have just changed and they want to go on a vacation.

Either way … if you don’t earn it, you don’t get to spend it (contrary to what the government is doing with our tax dollars LOL).

Best of luck!

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