Post # 1
My love story is pretty short and sweet, I met my FI online, he lived 30 minutes south of me and within 6 months of meeting we were living together, 5 months later he proposed, quickly after he proposed and I accepted (I’m convinced the fact that the engagement ring was used aka returned because the original relationship failed and then resold for cheap had everything to do with what comes next) he lost his job and I found out I was pregnant, I told him after a month of watching him play videogames everyday and not look for a job, that if he didnt find a job within 3 weeks I was moving in with family out of state and he wouldn’t see me again. So he got a job driving a semi truck, I had a miscarriage, he kept the job and 13 months later. it sucks.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love him. But he is gone 26 out of 30 days each month. We only get to talk on the phone, our sleep schedules run opposite so we constantly call when the other is asleep. When he is home my family, his family, his friends, mutual friends all want to see him so we barely spend time together. And because he isn’t home as much he doesn’t really remember what it is like living with people. So we end up fighting a little bit because he will start trying to have a conversation with me before I’ve had my coffee, or since I have quit smoking he will try to kiss or cuddle with me after he smokes a cigarette outside and he doesn’t quite understand that the smell makes me sick.
He expects my life to stop when he is home and he doesnt understand that it can’t. Even though I am no longer working at this point, I am a full time student trying to get into the honors program, I can’t not go to class or not study just because he is home. Even though I try to get all of my studying out of the way before he comes home. And he spends so much money on food when hes home and doesn’t realize that by blowing 30$ on pizza or whatever every day, thats insuring that after he leaves I’m spending the next month eating Ramen and drinking black coffee because we don’t have money in our budget for food for his truck, and our home. We also can’t be gone visiting friends and family all day unless our roommate is going to be home during the day as we have a puppy who is still being house broke so she has to be crated when nobody is home but crating her all day puts her 4 steps back on being house broke and she is so hyper for the next day that nobody sleeps.
I can’t imagine spending my life without him but at the same time our relationship is so frustrating because of his job that he loves that I don’t know how we are going to make our lives together work.
Any advice from other wives, fiancees, girlfriends of truckers who have figured out how to not have a horribley frustrating relationship?
Post # 2
My soon to be husband is not a trucker but he is an oilfield worker and is gone for all but 6 days of the month. He also works nights sometimes and I work 9-5 m-f so sometimes like you we don’t get a whole lot of time to talk.
My advice is cherish the time you do have , when my SO is home we make the most of the time. I do tend to shut out the rest of the world but that is 100% my choice and people that I have in my life respect that he is home so little.
As far as the money situation I don’t really have that issue as my SO is very good about making sure that when he leaves I am taken care of. One thing that we do is we both go grocery shopping before he leaves and I get what I need. This way we both know that I am good while he is gone. I also have my own money so if I need something I can get it. I would suggest telling him about what happens when he spends all the money and you are left with nothing a good partner wouldn’t let you live like that.
This lifestyle is not for everyone but honestly I enjoy our life very much. Hopefully you can come to a middle ground with your situation.
Post # 3
I think it’s ridiculous that you argue because you can’t be bothered to talk to him before you’be had your coffee. I also don’t see how him buying food for 4 days of the month can make it so you’re totally broke the other 26 days. I think you need to suck it up and recognize the sacrifices he is making so that you can be taken care of and focus on school. Make every effort to avoid arguing when he is home so you can actually enjoy being together.
Post # 4
samanthabridetobe: I’m not married to a driver, but I wanted to mention a couple things. I work in a trucking company and I’ve always thought it must be so hard on the families so power to you!!
One suggestion I have, if he’d go for it, is to find a job within the company that allows for more home time. They are probably few and far between, but if it’s like our co. he can get on a list (if he’s good) and when an opening comes, he can have it. We have a few jobs where they are home every weekend or they work 7 on and 7 off. Also, there’s a HUGE shortage of drivers so he may be able to get himself to a company that allows for more home time off.
#2: the federal gov’t allows $59 a day to drivers to spend while on the road. He can either save every single receipt of his personal expenses and write it off at the end of the year or sign up for per diem (at least that’s what our co. offers) and then he is taxed on less per trip to make up that $59, if that makes sense.
Post # 5
samanthabridetobe: I’m sorry this situation is so hard for you. My FI is not a trucker but he was in the Army for 10 yrs and we were long distance for 4 years of our relationship So I can relate.
The advice I do have is to stop the bickering from your side if at all possible. The last thing anything anybody wants when theyre finally home is to be knit picked. And while I understand the cigarette smoke makes you sick, try to be coy about him and lure him into a shower with you or something. With the family crowding your alone time, make a deal with them and him that every other trip home you guys will make a point to see family. But that also guarentees you two alone time.
Long distance is NOT easy (especially through deployments/jobs/finances commingled) if it was, everyone would do it. You just have to mentally chose what path you want to take (to make it work or not) and make it happen. I set my sights on seeing our relationship through the tough shit. I had so many friends tell me I was crazy and to leave to stop hurting but we never gave up.
Good luck and hugs!!
Post # 6
samanthabridetobe: im not married to a trucker but im married to a commercial fisherman. instead of the highway hes out on the ocean. DH is the same way, one year he came back , quit smoking but started chewing. this has been an on going battle since he started. he chews wayyyyy more than he smoked but hes convinced himself its healthier. he comes home and buys the whole store!!! but he works so much when hes gone that he barly eats anything good. and since its the ocean there is no way for him to get a pizza. This has got to be hard for you because you are going to school. I have a full time job. Its going to be hard to talk to him about this if he feels he brings home the bacon and doenst eat well on the road…. and you go to school. have you thought about a little side job?or talk to him about budgeting. i know what its like to have to buy food for you and for him. and for us we have to pay for our deckhands food. have you suggested cooking for him instead of him buying take out? i know my DH loves a homecooked meal after being out for days on end. remember hes working every single day for days on end, and some times night. thats not easy. when they leave and come back its their “weekend”. they want to be taken care of and want your world to stop. this has always been an on going problem with DH. i still have to workout , go to work, i already made plans with my friend and i didnt know he was coming home today. these are things that will just take time, patience, understanding and love to work threw.DH for a while got jealous of some of the “fun” things i did while he was gone because he can never do them. like softball in the summer. it can be frusterating. i understand. DH also takes a while to get used to “people”. i mean hes gone all summer on the ocean with one or two guys that he bosses around. then he comes home and wants to treat me like a deckhand.. yeah i dont think so. but like i said it just takes patience and understanding. Once your puppy is house broken you will be able to hang out with friends a little more and that should lighten the load. that will just take time. it will never really be easy to be a highway mans wife. nor a fishermans. if i have children i will have to be a single mom for half or more of the year. i know its hard when you get used to living by yourself and he comes home like a tornado. Sounds like you guys are going threw a bit of a rough time. Money issues make people even more stressed out. try to be patient and one day you will graduate, have a job, your puppy will be grown and you guys will have an easier system down. good luck i hope it all works out