(Closed) please delete

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You don’t trust him. You can’t marry someone you don’t trust. That’s pretty much it, I hate to say.

Now, we can go 30 rounds on whether looking up porn next to fiance and speaking to exes and receiving (but not intiating) questionable texts is acceptable or not, but even if it’s all innocent–and it very well might be–it’s not a temperament that works with your temperament. One of my exes had sort of similar behavior, and with many years in retrospect, plus seeing the guy he is today, I think that he’s basically just a flirty social guy. Which is why he married a flirty, social girl and…not me. Because I don’t handle those things well and I took things more seriously than he did. 

So I think hat the issue is this relationship–not necessarily HIM as the “bad guy,” but THIS RELATIONSHIP is not working for you if you are becoming paranoid, obsessive, controlling, insecure, and has you looking up his private communications behind his back. I’m not saying that your relationship is doomed, but that you should perhaps postpone wedding plans and at the very least, work together on finding some kind of harmony and rebuilding trust. But I caution you–people do not change. And if he’s a flighty, flirty guy, then you might have to consider the possibility that that’s not a good fit for who YOU are. 

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