(Closed) Trust No One?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stop venting to him about your SO.

Or, tell him to knock it off.

Post # 4
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:   Rule of thumb for life:  Never talk about your relationship issues with any parental-type person unless you’re fully prepared for the fallout.  Parental types are protective and will only remember the negative stuff you tell them about your SO, never the positive.  You can’t erase those words so don’t say them to begin with.

Keep your problems and issues with your SO between the two of you, or talk to a non-judgmental peer.  Or vent here on the Bee. 

If you talk about your relationship issues with a parental-unit it will always eventually bite you in the butt.

Post # 5
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I thought this was going to be about the X-Files.  =(

 

I think people who react like that are insecure in their own relationships.  

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  Easy – stop talking to him about your relationship issues.

I don’t talk to my mom about any problems I might be having with my bf. If I did, I know she’d go on the ‘he’s too old for you’ ‘he’s X, Y, Z’ blah blah blah. Some people just aren’t good to talk to for these things.

I try to keep any problems within my relationship. It’s ok to get an outside perspective on some things, but we generally try to solve our own problems. I guess I am a private person.

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@axeyourmakeupkit:  This. Don’t talk to him about this stuff anymore.

Post # 10
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@Sunfire: +1 million

I learned that lesson the hard way. Even parents who don’t have trust or relationship issues immediately go on the defensive when it comes to their children. If you consistently go to a parent when you’re having problems or concerns or doubts in your relationship, that’s what they’ll start to associate with your SO. No matter how many good, wonderful things there are about your SO, parents will always remember and dwell on the bad things, because they are protective and don’t want anyone to hurt you.

This could be exacerbated by your stepdad’s issues. Honestly, based on the things you described, he doesn’t sound like the best person to give you advice, and if you want him to view your SO as the awesome person he is, you need to leave off with sharing your problems with your stepdad.

Post # 11
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:   I think everyone learns this lesson the hard way, lol.  With my first marriage I vented to my Mom (bless her sweet heart) and she could not STAND him after that.  She was right about him, but that’s another story.

Only say positive things about your SO and your relationship to your Mom and Stepdad from now on.  Unless you’re ready to break up with him, then you can let loose all you want.  😉

If you need to vent about him come to us or a trusted friend who doesn’t feel “parental” towards you.

Post # 12
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice: Yeah, it can be hard when you are used to sharing stuff. But for me, I’ve found that sometimes they just can’t let go of any perceived negativity I’ve expressed and they’ll bring it up again in the future, even if it bears no relevance and the problem has been resolved.

You said you’re working with a counselor, which is great, so maybe just stick with expressing concerns there from here on out!

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