(Closed) Trust vs. Being a control freak

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand how you feel and being a detail-oriented person doesn’t make you a control freak.  (I’m detail-oriented myself).  However, you also want to avoid power struggles with your husband.  He may feel that in a way it’s coming down to this.

Sometimes it is better to pick your battles in a relationship than to offend someone by questioning their every move.  (Not saying you’re doing that but maybe he feels that way).  Men are usually very ego-driven creatures and sometimes misinterpret our need to have everything clarified as a sign we don’t trust their judgment.  However, if you don’t trust someone’s judgment but no means should you be married to them.  More than likely he is equally as intelligent and capable of making good decisions as you are, at least, I hope he is.

You sometimes will need to learn to compromise and let him take the reins.  In fact, maybe let him take the reins over decision-making most of the time.  Then, only when your gut tells you something is getting off track, tell him of your concern.  He needs to learn to trust you to help him, also.  The way men are geared – some of them – they can tend to have a need to be in the “leadership” role.  Even the tiniest question from us can make them overreact and think we’re trying to be “controlling.” 

It probably is something that can easily be worked out as you learn to work together, compromise on things, and most importantly – communicate to your husband that you definitely DO trust his judgment.  Learn to trust it.  You married him for a reason!  He needs first to feel comfortable that you utterly trust him and aren’t trying to undermine him in any way.  Then, after he feels comfortable, he will ease up a little, and learn to trust you to help him, as well.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t really know how to answer this- it’s who you are. I’m the same way. I’m a huge control freak and I never trust other people to make decisions on my behalf. Try to strike a compromise and let him decide on the little things.

When you’re living together, start small. Let him pick and make dinner. Let him make the grocery list. Let him make plans and trust that he won’t butcher them. In the event that they’re butchered, just let it go and say nothing.

In terms of the lease, however, I think you’re being reasonable. It’s a legally binding agreement, it’s your prerogative to thoroughly analyze it before committing to something for 12 (?) months.

Post # 6
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Sunfire:  Im not sure that detail-oriented is the same as controlling… being detail oriented is paying attention to every little thing, kinda similar to a perfectionist. Controlling is a dominating influence. No one wants to be dominated!! thats how i think at least ๐Ÿ™‚

As for the OP, i do think you need to trust your husband more in everything. You need to trust him the way you want him to trust you with your desicions. Who really cares if he messes up what to make for dinner or making plans to go out with someone, you will probably get a good story and laugh out of it in the end. But as for him not reading the contact i agree with you, you should take the time and read over anything that is legally binding. Its just smart ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You sound like you’re being difficult, to be honest. Sometimes you have to just let things go and trust that they will work out. In this situation almost all lease agreements are standard and are just worth a one time read. “and I’ve told him over and over again…I still let him make decisions for the both of us.” That entire paragraph tells me that you need to relax on the control issue.

Post # 10
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You need to tell him the reasons you dont trust him, and work it out between the two of you. This is just my opinion, but i dont think you can have a stable, loving, long-term marriage without trusting your partner.  

Post # 12
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@JustHappy:  

this. If the professional reviewed the agreement and said it was fine, I don’t know why you had to hold things up. It sounds like the lease was very time sensitive and he was frustrated that you were holding it up without any valid reason or distinct concern.

Post # 13
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

But does he know what he is doing wrong that is keeping you from trusting him? Does he know you want him to be more responsible or detail-oriented? Does he know the reasons why you dont trust him? Have you flat out said ‘I dont trust you to do ____ because….’? sometimes guys need it plain and simple.

Also was he like this when you married him? Alot of women go into a marriage thinking their partner is going to change, when you should be marrying them knowing that if they dont, you will still always love them…. So if he has always been like this he probably isnt going to just change. Not saying he wont, but just remember the man you married.

Post # 14
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

OOppss!!  Correction to above:  Spelling of “reins” should have been “reigns.”  Ugh!  I hate it when I do that, I was in a rush trying to get out of the office.  Embarassed  Noticed another typo I made up there, too. Sorry. 

Post # 15
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HeatherShane:  That is what I said, that being detail-oriented is NOT the same thing as being a control freak.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 16
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@m3ssy:  Haha!  I agree that all men need to learn to check their egos at the door in a relationship!  Why can’t they get that?  smh  ๐Ÿ˜‰

The topic ‘Trust vs. Being a control freak’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors