Post # 1
I’ve been trying to think of a way to help explain to friends that didn’t deal with the emotional rollercoaster of TTC why the “try to relax” advice can be hurtful. Are there any examples you can think of akin to the cyle of “OPK/charting, BBD at the right times, hopeful, tww, nervous, waiting waiting waiting, BFN, cry, sad, fear never seeing a BFP, fear fear fear, cope, move on to new cycle, hopeful, repeat”?
Is there an analogy? An “ Imagine if you were ________ “ type thing?
I know they mean well, they sense my hurt not being pregnant yet. But it’s still hurtful to hear them offer me “relax” advice and methods of relaxing. Because I”m not a walking stress-ball. I just am sad.
Post # 3
Well, since I’ve passed the 1 year mark and have been diagnosed as “infertile,” I just point out that they wouldn’t tell anyone else with a medical condition that relaxing would cure anything. I know that doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone, though.
Maybe you could compare it to getting into college? Like every cycle is another time you apply and cross your fingers that you’ll get in and every period is a rejection letter. That’s how I feel about it, anyway. Relaxing isn’t going to help you get “accepted” into the college of Motherhood. It’s normal to feel nervous about these kinds of things!
Post # 4
I don’t have one for the “try to relax” crowd, but I have one I used with my Darling Husband when we were first trying. I thought getting pregnant would be really easy and was frustrated about all the “I’m pregnant and didn’t even try” posts going up on weddingbee at the time. My Darling Husband was ok with it taking us awhile and thought I was overreacting. He’s really active on a truck forum though, so I tried to relate by telling him imagine that everyone you know on the truck forum is getting a new truck, but you can’t get your financing to go through. I know it’s kind of dumb, but I think it made him think a little.
Post # 5
Post # 6
I’m blunt, when people say such things to me I speak up ASAP. I tell people point blank that it is hurtful and unwanted “advice” that only further alienates and makea an infertile woman feel marginalized. When news of my IVF cycle not working out spread I got a lot of that and some of ” People aren’t meant to play God” thrown in. I let people know EXACTLY how hurtful it is because no telling how many other people they go around offering their “advice” to.
Post # 7
I think it depends on the situation and how you can word something so people finally “get it”.
It took me months after graduating to find a job, and people kept telling me “its ok, you will find something” it was sooo frustrating. Maybe try to relate it that way, if that is something the person is able to relate to.. similar to a PP about her husband and a truck. Try to find a way to explain it to them based on their history and what they will understand.
Post # 8
I have a friend who continually tells me I have not been trying that long (we are at 10 months) and that I need to relax. I tried to point out to her how frustrating it was when we were single and people would say, “the minute I stopped looking I found my boyfriend” – in both situations, it really is impossible to “stop” or “relax” – you are too invested in the desired outcome. Once I said that, she seemed to get it a little.
Post # 9
Everyone’s ideas and thoughts were sooooo helpful, thank you thank you thank you! I was so “stuck” in my own head that I couldn’t come up with anything. I like the college idea, and the truck and dating idea, I can definitely use those types of analogies. And CallmeC, I am going to try your “addressing it asap” style too. I can tell them “I know you don’t mean to but that’s hurtful” and then offer the analogy