- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I don’t even know where to begin, because this is a whole 5 years in the making of an absolute relationship mess. I barely even know what exactly I’m trying to get across in this post… Pretty much, I’m trying to figure out if I should repair our broken relationship and keep trying with her, or just forget about it (but that’s not that easy…)
I’ll try to make this post too long as just enough to get my point across, and not too many details so we are not arguing here about technicalities about what is right and wrong and whatever…
She is the wife of my husband’s TWIN BROTHER. Which means, like most twins. Him and his brother are VERY close. AS IN, if I wanted to, just say “I’m done with her” and just allow myself to only see her at family functions, I can’t do that. It’s not going to work that way with her being the wife of the twin brother of my husband. I WILL be in MANY situations in the future where I have to be around her. There is no getting around that. And also, I do not at all get along with my Husband’s brother. He doesn’t and never really has tried to talk to me, and never have I tried to talk to him. I don’t like him, but I tolerate his presence. So, if we are in a situation where it’s the 4 of us, and I decided I really didn’t want to try with my SIL, I can’t imagine those being very awkward situations for me, if I’m only talking to my husband. How in the world do I get around that? And it’s not like my husband can just go and visit his brother by himself. Both of them do not like to drive, so it’s either me or my SIL that’s driving them to the other. Let alone the fact that my SIL doesn’t know how to let her husband hang out with his friends by himself…but anyway…..on to the complicated situation….
Now I believe my SIL to live in a very different reality than I do with very different rules than I do, and maybe some of you can explain these different rules… Now to start off with, neither of us has very good communication skills, so that probably doesn’t help to begin with. Both of us have passive aggressive tendencies and would rather avoid people than confront anyone (well, at least we have that in common?). But she is passive aggressive to a much higher degree than I.
Here are some of my personal pet peeves or just things that don’t make any sense to me regarding my SIL (I’m not going to post examples, but if you request them, I have many examples):
1) She speaks in terms of definites, like she is always “GOING” to do something, it’s never “I want to do….” or “I’m hoping to do…” or “I’m going to try to…”, And the things she says she’s “going” to do, of course, most the time she doesn’t do. I don’t know any other person who does this. I find it very odd.
2) She seems to not empathize very well with others, and lacks regard for social etiquette.
3) This probably ties to both the 1st and 2nd one. She lacks commitment to plans she makes with others, not just flakey, but has no consideration for what inconvenience she is causing you. She will not care that she told you she’s “for sure” going to do something. It seems like though, if it’s HER idea, she won’t flake, but if it’s YOUR idea, she will half the time.
4) She’s very passive agressive and manipulative, throwing fits if she doesn’t get her way.
And of our most recent catastrophic blowup, she pretty much lied to me, bailed out on me after she said she would never bail on me as she’s not that kind of person, and then spread lies about me trying to turn people against me.
Over the past 5 years of all the drama I’ve had to deal from her, and you can ask everyone I know, I have tried my hardest to get along with her, to forgive her mistakes, to try to understand where’s she’s coming from.
And of everything, I could probably forgive her for every last bit of it except the lying about me part. That, I just cannot get past. I can get past the lying to me and bailing out on me part, but the lying ABOUT me part?
Just HOW can I get past this and act like everything is okay? Why should I bother anymore?
The REASONS why I kept trying with her is because:
1) our husband our twins, hello!
2) We have like the exact same hobbies, it’s almost scary…
3) Other than our hobbies, we have an eerily lot in common…
4) And in the case we were to have children, I’d like for my kid’s cousins to be close to them…
And all of last year, it was mostly drama free, I was starting to get a handle of how to deal with her, and it seemed we were getting very close…
But then this year, it just all went up in flames, like there is nothing left but Ash and Smoke, with very few pieces left to rebuild, and it appears I can only mostly just sweep it all into the trash, and just give up on all the hard work I had done beforehand. *sigh*
No idea what I should do…