Post # 1
FI and I decided a long time ago that there would be no kids in the wedding party, or involved in the wedding. We wanted to celebrate how far we have come in our love and relationship. We’ve worked hard for this, payed for the entire thing ourselves, planned with no help from anyone. The ceremony is no kids, and the reception is family friendly to ensure the ceremony is uninterrupted. Everything that we do with his family revolves around children. His sister has four girls, and literally every activity is designed around them. I play along and enjoy their company because they’re my nieces and I love them. My MIL calls and says they found the perfect flower girl dresses for all four of them and they should arrive in 3 weeks. I was shocked because we JUST went over the no kids situation not even a week ago. This is what she said, “not having flower girls goes against the rules of a wedding”. Uhhhhhh… I wasn’t aware there were rules? I told her to get a refund on the dresses as politely as I could. I am not budging on this because we want our ceremony free from screaming and temper tantrums. All four of her kids are not well-behaved in the least and this will most definitely happen. We even hired a babysitter for the ceremony, to make sure that no ones starts screaming and crying and they’re still mad at me. Why can’t I have just one day? I take them constantly for my SIL. Swimming, shopping, sleep overs at our house, I pick them up from school/daycare sometimes. Why can’t I just have a day to focus on he and I? If I am being ridiculous, please tell me.
Post # 3
NOT AT ALL! I’m SO sorry that soudns SUPER frustrating. I think you should stand your ground and have your FI support you/back you up so that they can’t just blame you or just be mad AT YOU. You told them upfront, its not ok for them to change something major like that without consulting you. Its seems she’s trying to put you in a difficult spot, so you’ll just succumb to what she wants.
Post # 4
If you had given plenty of notice and explained this to them then I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. They seem to think they can just “make” you do this but if it isn’t what you want then you need to keep standing your ground.
Post # 5
Boo, this makes me a sad smurf! I think you are being more than accomodating with providing a babysitter, such a thoughtful idea. I think you have every right to be more than annoyed, and I am so proud of you for standing your ground and telling her no!
Post # 6
Your MIL is being inappropriate not you. She had absolutely no right to invite the children to be flower girls in your wedding, much less order dresses for them.
I hope you have your FI’s support in telling his Mom that this is just not on.
This is one of those things that seems like a big deal at the time, but your in-laws will relax about over time.
Post # 7
Good for you for standing your ground! You and your FI get to pick your wedding party, no one else. They’re trying to steamroll you – they may be pissed for a while and that sucks but you are setting a really good precedent that you won’t be bullied when making your own decisions.
Post # 8
Wow, talk about ridiculous. It’s your wedding therefore you get to dictate who is involved and who is present. The nerve of your FMIL to TELL you that they’re flower girls. I would have totally freaked out on her. Stand your ground and if you have to, hire bouncers to escort the little ones out, lol (jk, sorta…).
Post # 9
Your FI should deal with this. If his mom is acting crazy, he should make it go away
Post # 10
No your not. Its your choice and you still are having a family friendly reception. You’re gone out of your way by providing a babysitter. And its not unusual to not have any flower girls. Stand your ground cause it is your day:)
Post # 11
The whole no-kids thing aside, who thinks 4 flower girls is a good idea? That’s just begging for bratty behavior.
Sorry she’s doing this. Stick to your guns and have the ceremony you want.
Post # 12
Wow, she sounds like an absolute peach. I agree with the posters above that you should get your FI involved to deal with her. That is completely overstepping the bounds on her part!
Post # 13
I think that you have been very nice. But, now you need to put your foot down and tell thwm that it is your day and that they should respect your wishes because, you planned and payed for it all. Hope this helps. Have an awesome wedding!
Post # 14
Unbelievable. The utter gall. Its totally not you, its them. I don’t understand why parents with young kids pretend like they don’t get it? How selfish. Its about the BRIDE & GROOM. Jeez
Post # 15
Stand your ground on this. You made them aware of your wishes and your MIL still purchased dresses. You even hired a babysitter! And you’re allowing kids at the reception! Far more generous than I. I’ve been considering going as far as having my reception at a 21+ lounge so I can easily bow out of arguements like this one. We’ve also considered the idea of a babysitter to pacify some of my more vocal relatives.
There should be no arguement over not having kids at the ceremony. I hope you’re able to get it sorted out. Good luck!
Post # 16
Don’t move an inch! You made it aware what is going on and they should abide by your wishes. If she spent so much money on the dresses OH FRIGGIN’ WELL, its her fault for spending that much money.