Post # 1
My brother and his Fiance got engaged this past May. They’ve been together 6 years at that point. I was a little bit upset when I found out they were going to plan 2 years away. No big deal, just my Fiance and I were planning an engagement for the not too distant future around when we’ve been together for 2.5 years.
Turned out, waiting 2 years to get married was working out best for us, so that’s fine.
On one hand though, I want to give my brother and his Fiance a chance in the spotlight… and I’m not the type to be a spotlight stealer. If they get married in May 2014, I’m thinking we’d do September or October 2014. Is that far enough away to not steal their thunder?
It also makes me nervous when I’m looking at planning things because I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to upstage them. My brother’s Fiance has a tendency to be a little bit sensitive (misinterprets things sometimes), but she’s a nice person and I don’t want to come across as trying to take attention away from her even if that’s not my intention. =/
I’m planning on just focusing on them and doing my wedding planning quietly.. Maybe I’ll be surprised and they’ll be excited? I don’t know. My Fiance and I are financially ready and able and I can’t justify waiting 3 years instead of 2.
Are 4-5months a good enough time period apart? Any other suggestions for trying to seem like I’m not taking attention?
Post # 3
Its fine! A wedding is just one day, not whole year to “hoard”. Don’t hault your life because someone else got engaged. If you and your SO are ready for the next step, then you should go for it! Who knows, your brothers Fiance may be excited to get to share ideas and plan with you! A fall wedding will be beautiful!
EDIT: I have 3 friends who all got engaged around the same time as me and one has her wedding 2 months before me. We are having so much fun discussing our plans and beingin each others wedding! We have grown so much closer and I am glad I have someone who likes to listen to me talk about weddings since I know no one else gives a flying shit sometimes lol
Post # 4
Four to five months is plenty of time. Sure, you can’t control how they feel – they might get upset at you getting married in the same year as them, they might need a whole decade to themselves! Only they are responsible for their reactions to you getting married, not you.
Having said that, though, I think you’ve allowed plenty of time apart from their wedding, and I think it’s just a matter of trying to discuss with your brother and his fiance so they don’t think you’re trying to copy their wedding or upstage theirs. Or you could go the other route, and offer to purchase items together, to show that you don’t care whether they look similar or not – you just want everyone to have a good day at the best possible price. My brother’s wedding was 11 months before mine will be and, while both our weddings are very different in style, we’re still sharing decorations and my SIL and I have compared notes on different vendors to figure out something cost effective.
Post # 5
@misschickpea: Phew! Thank goodness, I’m glad to hear that you’re finding it fun. Personally, I would love it if other people were planning their weddings at the same time! I want a wedding, but honestly being the center of attention makes me uncomfortable and… well… weddings are fun! But I’d hate to assume others might feel the same. Fingers crossed… glad its enough time though.
@LadyElva: That’s great! I’d love if if my Future Sister-In-Law and I could have that type of relationship about it. I definitely wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings though… she and my brother are both students and my Fiance and I are both working and Fiance has decent pay. I don’t want anything extravagant anyway, so its not like I’d really have much more of an impressive wedding, haha. I’m glad that you have that relationship though… hope we can too!
Post # 6
Sounds like you’re being considerate to me.
Post # 7
I know a brother and sister who married 5 months apart. (And engaged a few weeks apart). I didn’t sense any competition at all. I think with 2 brothers it’s even less of an issue.
So I think 4-5 months is fine. In fact I think 2-3 months is fine, unless there are many travelling guests in FI’s family.
Post # 8
I think you are going over and beyond. I honestly get annoyed by the thunder stealing accusations I see people throwing around. I don’t know when getting engaged became about basking i nthe spotlight and having everyone sole intention.
I do think to be fair to your guest, and brother you should try to have a little distance. In my family weddings come in waves. When I was in my teens a bunch of cousins were getting married. Now I have a lot of them in their late twenties and early 30’s and someome is always getting married or doing something. It’s no big deal.
Post # 9
@TwoCityBride: HA, I agree! Nobody is really paying that much attention. You’re not a bunch of movie stars!
I would probably give a few months in between weddings for the sake of family with the cost of gift-giving and travel, etc. Other than that, do not worry about it. There’s a point in every family where everyone of a certain age is all of a sudden getting married. It’s just how it goes sometimes. Don;t put your life off for another couple.
Post # 10
I don’t get the “thunder-stealing” comments I see all over the place here. I had never even thought about it before! I mean, who cares when you get engaged or married relative to anyone else?
My sister eloped 3 months before my wedding, at which point I had only been engaged for a month. I was thrilled for them, and it didn’t occur to me at all that it had anything to do with me or my wedding . . . because it didn’t. She also had a baby 3 weeks before my wedding – I was so happy because my new little niece was our flower girl!
Just live your life, do your thing, and let other people do theirs.
Post # 11
i think you are leaving enough time apart. i wouldn’t be offended if i was the other bride.
Post # 12
That is plenty of time, no one should be offended. You get 1 day, not the whole year. The only reason I can understand leaving some time in between is for $ and making it easier on family who would have to travel (so they can go to both if they want).
Post # 13
Go for it. My (to be) matron of honor is getting married a month and a half before I do and we’re having a blast planning everything together. It’s also nice to have a bride on your side because she’ll definitely know the stress that others just won’t understand.