(Closed) Trying not to rock the boat with MIL, WWYD?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Stand up for yourself and just say NO. Sheesh! She expects YOU to plan something for HER son? Some people are really unbelievable.

Post # 4
Member
46155 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She is being passive aggressive by not asking you outright to host the party.

You can make her aware that you will not be hosting the party if you choose. It would be kind.

Or, the next time she says “we are going to have to throw a party”, you could say, “I’m sorry that I will have to take a pass on both the planning and the party. My weekend is full as my sister is leaving town.”

Post # 5
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d tell her NO. Your BIL is not your responsibility! If she wants him to have a party so bad she can throw it herself.

Post # 7
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I agree with OPs, tell her you are very busy and do not have time to plan or attend a party for BIL. Your sister leaving is way more important than a 26 year olds party. Tell his wife to plan it.

 

Post # 9
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@julies1949: exactly.  As always.

Post # 10
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would just tell her to let you know what the plans are and you will see if it is something that works with the plans you have already made, or maybe DH could stop by for a little bit. And leave it at that. She can be disappointed.

 

Post # 12
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m terrible with passive-aggressive because I don’t generally put up with it at all, and that can cause er, problems. So maybe take this one with a grain of salt.

First of all, DO NOT volunteer to host a party. Even if she were to ask you outright instead of being annoying about it, you are not into it, you’re busy, and you’re probably already emotionally drained about your sister leaving. This is not the time for you.

Second, I don’t really “get” why YOU are the one she’s selected because you’re the SIL. That’s frankly, weird. Your MIL or BIL’s wife are more logical choices, plus 26-year-olds are capable of planning their OWN parties.

 

So, this speaks more about me and the type of person I am in these situations, but when I say don’t put up wtih passive-aggressive, I believe in calling them at their own game and forcing them to be upfront. The next time she brought it up, my response would be a polite, but balls-out: “MIL, you seem concerned regarding the weekend events with my sister. Are you hoping that I’ll be able to plan or help you plan a party for BIL?” And then WAIT for a response–it’s important that you get her to take ownership of her own intentions. If she asnwers yes or no, your response is still the same: “Oh good, because–/Oh dear, that won’t work because I’m afraid I’m just stretched too thin right now. I’m afraid I won’t even be able to ATTEND BIL’s party. But BIL deserves a wonderful birthday and I’m sure that you guys will give him a great one. I’ll tell DH to bring an extra six-pack on my behalf.”

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