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Oh I understand this SOOO well! I wasn't horrible about bringing up engagment or marriage and didn't bug him but when I knew he had a ring... oh lord that was crazy! I couldn't STOP talking marriage and was constantly "cleaning" to see if I could find the ring!
Once I found it, it was even worse. I saw the box every day. I knew where it was and every part of me wanted to open it, but I didn't want to ruin the suprise--- so I got my sister to look. BEST DECISION EVER. She said it was beautiful, I didn't have to look and my anxiety was lessened.
I found the ring when I gave up (FI opened his night table one day and it magically appeared in there after it wasn't there earlier). Apparently the reason it wasn't in the drawer earlier is because he was showing my parents when he asked for my hand. Maybe you need to give up looking and magic will happen!
@takemyhand: I totally want to just stop my brain. I get the feeling that it's in the safety deposit box, he's super paranoid about keeping expensive things in the house. But if it's in the house I really hope it doesn't turn up the moment I give up. Though I get the feeling what happened to you would happen to me. :) I think knowing where it is would be an even bigger test of my maturity. :) I also think that the moment I can't resist myself anymore I'll probably burst with a "IS IT AWESOME?!!!" It's like a Jekyl/Hyde change isn't it? Never thought I'd instantly lose my cool.
@claireos: It really is!
I know what you mean about safe keeping-- my FI ordered my ring online and it was supposed to be a signed package. We came home and my several thousand dollar ring was sitting in a package on the front step to our house on a busy road. He almost had a heart attack and couldn't tell me why!
The mood changes are crazy. I managed to get away with it by secretly reading weddingbee and then mentioning ideas of my "engaged co-workers". *cough*. Oh well! By the time my ring came I had half my wedding planned out. 3 weeks in and I have centrepieces, reception card holders, dress appts, hair stylist booked, makeup booked, venue booked, caterer is being interviewed, photographer booked, DJ booked and DOC booked. Oh! And invites are being created and guest tree is done.
Sometimes secretly knowing it is there is an advantage! For us it means we can easily get married this summer since I had planned in advance.
BTW.... GOOD LUCK! Maybe take that energy and put it into exercising for the best wedding bod ever? (Wish *I* had haha!)
Haha, this is exactly how I am, which is why I told the mister that he better keep thiings under the highest security clearance possible. He knows how I get once I figure out I'm getting something and I'm just as relentless. I'm the kid that actually learned how to unwrap gifts without tearing the paper.
Hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer.
um...here's the deal:
I look at the ring, then reassure you that it is awesome. Because I cant wait to see it, either!!!!
Seriously though, don't ask to see it/look at it/sneak like a kid at Christmas....because that moment he gives it to you, it will be totally worth it.Promise!
@claireos: Omg I am in the same boat as you!! He bought the ring NYE and I was adamant that he not propose until I finish my Master's degree because I thought planning a wedding would be too much of a distraction and I didn't think I would be able to wait to plan it until afterwards once I had a ring on my finger! NOW that I know he has it, it's literally all I could think about!! I am guessing the excited feeling will just sort of "go away"? AH!
@takemyhand: That's an awesome idea. "Babe, why are you so ripped?" "Cause you're taking forever to propose, THAT'S WHY!" :)
@soyjoy222: I'll send him your way. :)
@smiles731: Makes you wonder where the reasonableness went right? It's like an egg timer goes off in your brain and it's all over.
I told him last night I've gotten a little obsessed with it and while I'm trying to hold it all in, it's making me act a little weird and I'm finding I'm screening the words coming out of my mouth so I don't make some huge verbal mistake. His response."Yeah, that sounds about right. You're normal. That's just excitement. You're supposed to be excited." :) I prematurely asked for his forgiveness in case it makes me do anything crazy. I think he knows that I've been fantastic throughout this process, so I've earned a little weirdness. Here's to hoping it's sooner rather than later. Though, the way he plans, I get the feeling it will be later. Come on universe! Be on my side!
@tea: I'm the kid that actually learned how to unwrap gifts without tearing the paper. Now that is a priceless, life-long ability. :) I was always too nervous to screw that one up to even attempt it. I told my guy to be extra sneaky when the time came as well. I've guessed my Christmas gifts for the last 2 years straight based on either what he didn't say or some pretty random clues. It's like a gift comes into the picture and you turn iunto "Oooooh, present? I want a present (jump up and down clapping hands)!" :)
@claireos: haha, I only learned how to do that because I got a spanking once because I actually unwrapped a gift and hid it before Christmas. Definitely learned my lesson!
I can only imagine! You guys have made tremendous progress! :)
I guess the best thing to do is blab to the Bee and maybe some close friends about engagement, weddings, and marriage. Read some wedding mags, blogs, and stories about other people's proposals/engagements to get it out of your system. Hopefully this will satisfy the need in the meantime. Waiting when you know he has the ring has to be pure torture. I'm so glad my SO can't keep a secret. If he had it, he wouldn't be able to wait long enough to really plan an elaborate surprise anyway. Haha!
But it almost seems unnatural not to mention it to him at all though. It's like the main thing at the forefront of both of your minds I'm guessing. Like the elephant in the room. Maybe a few innocent remarks and questions here and there won't hurt. As long as there's no prying and pressure. If that's even realistic!
Are you hoping for a big elaborate proposal, or a quiet, intimate one?
@Reign14: Thanks! :) Actually. The funny part is that he WANTS to talk about planning the wedding and we have been slowly since last September because we have plans to get married this September. Things are already in place. So it's been a regular conversation. Ring or no ring, we were getting married. It's not like I've been waiting for the ring so we could start planning so I've been keeping quiet about the proposal- quite the opposite. We were waiting on the ring to make it culturally official and because we wanted a little tradition in our relationship (we felt engaged months ago). I chose not to talk about the ring or proposal cause I know it's important to both of us for it to be a surprise and we've been talking plans very casually.
At this point it's like 2nd Christmas. There's this great big significant event in the near future at an unpredictable time and place and the excitement is KILLING me. I'm so glad I was able to blab to you ladies. I swear, my head was going to explode last night. :)
I've only ever made one request of him. Not to do it in front of ppl I know (family or friends). Strangers are cool. I want it to be between us, not between us and our extended family. That's it. Other than that, the possibilities are endless. :)
@claireos: Right...it's the proposal you're trying to to blab about....not the engagment (b/c you already are) or the wedding (because you're already planning together). Got it.
I thought about asking my bf not to propose in front of people. But I don't really know what I want, so I figure I'll just leave it up to him. If he wants family to share the moment, so be it. I have no idea how i'll feel or react in any situation :/
At least you know he has the ring. I went from hinting to my boyfriend to eventually outright forwarding him a link to the ring I like, clarifying the specs and saying, "Here. This one. In your own time," except, of course, by no means did I mean "in his own time." My boyfriend is sadly remarkably unpredictable, so whilst I was certain the fact that we'd agreed to get engaged combined with my having sent him the ring details would guarantee the purchase, I really don't think it's the case. I've been hoping he'd keep his e-mail open so I can check for confirmation of an order, which I finally managed to look at this morning, but NOTHING. I've planned endless romatnic meals and weekends away over the coming months to give ample opportunity for a proposal, and since my discovery of his dancing around this very serious issue today, I was forced to make it clear that the ring takes three weeks to be made and delivered (with a hint at the timing of future events). Argh! It is driving me mad! He is JUST the guy to turn around in 6 months time and be like, "Huh? You want to get engaged?" No sh*t, love! At this rate I will be buying the bloody ring myself, and probably marrying myself also,
Having said that, though, you being SO CLOSE to the moneyshot must be even more excrutiating. My thoughts are with you.
@Jezika: No sh*t, love! Bahahahaha! That's absolutely something I would say! :D I'm sorry things are frustrating on your end. Have you guys sat down and talked about what you expect of the other? Did he give you a solid timeline?
@claireos: At this point it's like 2nd Christmas.
Oh, man I know what you mean. When I knew he had the ring, it was like all the Christmases in my whole life got together and were exploding in my brain.
At least you know it's coming, and he's in the right place! So happy it'll be soon for you!
I'm so glad that there are still some situations where an grown ass adult can jump up and down clapping their hands in excitement. Talk about never losing your inner child. :)
@abirdword: Thanks! I'm still thrilled that so many dropped of the list last month. We were dropping like flies for a while. Hoping that means there is still plenty of good luck to go around. :)
So excited for you! I can't say I understand a "surprise" proposal when you already know he has the ring and you guys are actively planning a wedding 6 months away, but it sounds like it works for the two of you. :) Hopefully at this point you are through with all the painful aspects of waiting and you can enjoy your engagement. Hope to get an update that it's official soon- and that the good luck keeps spreading through this board!
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I'm that kid that figured out where the gifts were, shook them for days on end, incessantly incessantly incessantly incessantly the givers for clues. I still do it. I think I asked SO how awesome my Christmas gift was daily for about a month. :) I can't help it. I get so freaking excited.
Ring is done. SO says he has plans in the works and it will be official before we get married this September (we're a little weird). I GENUINELY want it to be a surprise and he's done great keeping details from me. And I haven't asked about it. Doing really well. But now that the ring is done I find my brain is ready to explode with excitement. I want to shake the box but I can't cause I don't know where it is. I want to figure out where it is but it will ruin the surprise. I want to question him about it and ask him how awesome it is but, again, I want it to be a surprise and come when I least expect it.
Trust me. I'm keeping busy. Decorating the house I just bought, working full time and finishing a degree, we're both working on planning our wedding, working on some financial goals, tons of professional development for work, I work out, getting caught up on my liesure reading. You name it, I do it. But I'm still on the verge of word vomit. This is a pretty recent development. I never had issues bringing up marriage early in our relationship, I didn't drive him crazy with engagement questions, and I was great while we were ring shopping. We're talking about a year straight of not being annoying about marriage crap and never feeling the urge to discuss it frequently. But now that the ring has materialized I've reverted back into that 6-yr-old-Christmas me.
Part of me wishes it was wrapped up in a giant gift box somewhere I could find it so I could get rid of all this nervous energy by shaking it. OMG! BLAH! Just had to get it out.