Trying not to step on anybody's toes….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Your FSIL may know better what’s she’s dealing with.  Her mom may not WANT to “get it” with a cocktail dress, and FSIL thinks she could ease her into a middle ground.   What if you take her shopping with your Mom or talk to your Mom about how she would handle this with one of her friends.  Going from scrubs to formal wear is a pretty big leap.

Post # 4
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Is there anyway for your FI to tell his mother what your parents are wearing and emphasize that she is the mother of the groom and should dress a little nicer than everyone else because she is an important guest?  Is your FSIL someone you can talk to about the dress code for the wedding, if she is picking out really casual options maybe FSIL doesn’t know that the dress code is more cocktail attire.

Post # 5
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Has she actually gone and tried anything on? That would be my first step.

If your FSIL keeps sending casual outfits, I’d just say that you’d really like the moms to wear similar styles and that your mom has already bought her dress.

Post # 7
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@March1stBride I find the easiest way to get across to my FMIL is through FI haha it’s a lot easier without worrying about offending anyone.  Good Luck, your wedding date is so soon!!

Post # 8
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

If you feel comfortable doing it, I would just talk to FSIL about what you are hoping FMIL will wear (style, etc) and maybe offer to take her shopping together! It could be a really nice experience for all of you 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would flat out in front of FSIL tell your MIL that the dresses she is looking at are great and that you like them. Maybe your FSIL has no idea the formality of your wedding and thinks she is being helpful. Otherwise I think your FI needs to help out with this and either tell his sister to stop or encourage his mom to pick a dress the two of you like and ignore his sister’s opinion.

Post # 11
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You need to assert yourself and straight out contradict your FSIL to your FMIL, nicely, of course. Say, “actually, it is that type of wedding. It’s going to be pretty formal, and usually the mothers dress more formally than most guests. You’ll fit right in with my parents and the wedding party if you wear that beautiful dress. I think it’s perfect.” And have your FI tell her he likes it too.

Post # 12
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hiya – March 1st wedding here too.

I have some similar issues – FMIL doesn’t wear dresses and FSIL is giving her cues as to what is appropriate to wear.

FMIL wanted to get a dress made… in imported Chinese silk and to her measurments. It’s not that kind of wedding.
She would have done it too, if she didn’t wait so long to do it.
So she bought a top and will wear it with a black skirt. Quite frankly, I don’t like the top but if it makes her happy she can wear it.
I don’t think she’ll look particularly good with the rest of the wedding party in photos, but getting her to decide on a dress was like pulling teeth – difficult and stress-inducing.

I think a wrap dress would be so pretty! They are very flattering and can be dressed up or down. I own two and wear them frequently to weddings. A floor length wrap dress would be AMAZING, and something maybe FMIL can feel comfortable in at the same time.

And for the record, my mom is renting a dress for the wedding, from Rent the Runway. It’s a beautiful green shift dress, and apparently she looks awesome in it (went to the showroom in NYC and tried it on). She didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on a dress she’d only wear once, so she spent a bit of money to rent a designer dress, which I think is fun.

BUT in your case, I agree with the PP’s who said you need to step on FSIL’s toes… if she’s the one who is calling the shots on this then you need to tell her what shots to call.

Post # 13
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@March1stBride:  Our moms wanted to match our theme without matching the bridesmaids.  They both wore blue formal dresses.  You did what you can.  You showed her what you parents will be wearing, and she knows its formal.  If she chooses something a little less formal then that is on her.  :/

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