Post # 1
Okay everybody so he is the situation.
My FMIL is the world’s nicest, sweetest, kindest woman and I just think the world of her. But, she is super worried about how to dress for our wedding. She has not worn a dress in close to 12 years and wears mostly scrubs day and night (she is a CNA).
She has been asking her daughter (FSIL) and me about our opinions and sending us sample dresses. My FSIL and I have some very different opinion on proper dress for this wedding.
This is a formal event (not black tie or anything but still formal) and my FSIL is suggesting things to FMIL like a wrap-dress or a skirt and top. Which are not bad looking or anthing like that I just think that FMIL will feel very underdressed and self-conscience if she wears what FSIL is suggesting.
I tried to send them pictures of what my parents are wearing (my dad is wearing a TUX and my mom is wearing a navy blue cocktail dress) but FSIL just does not seem to get it.
I don’t want to be overbearing or step on FSIL’s toes or anything but I don’t want FMIL to be underdressed. I just don’t want her to feel silly or look back on pictures and be upset with her choice of dress.
FMIL found a dress that she really likes and I love it too. I think it’s pretty and appropriate and that she will just look amazing in it and that she will blend in with the style of dress everyone else is wearing. FSIL however, does not like the dress and keeps telling her mother it’s not that kind of wedding. (I have no idea what she means by that but, whatever). FMIL does not want to buy a dress without FSIL liking it but I really want her to just order the dress she likes. I don’t think it could be more perfect.
What should I do?
Post # 3
Your FSIL may know better what’s she’s dealing with. Her mom may not WANT to “get it” with a cocktail dress, and FSIL thinks she could ease her into a middle ground. What if you take her shopping with your Mom or talk to your Mom about how she would handle this with one of her friends. Going from scrubs to formal wear is a pretty big leap.
Post # 4
Is there anyway for your FI to tell his mother what your parents are wearing and emphasize that she is the mother of the groom and should dress a little nicer than everyone else because she is an important guest? Is your FSIL someone you can talk to about the dress code for the wedding, if she is picking out really casual options maybe FSIL doesn’t know that the dress code is more cocktail attire.
Post # 5
Has she actually gone and tried anything on? That would be my first step.
If your FSIL keeps sending casual outfits, I’d just say that you’d really like the moms to wear similar styles and that your mom has already bought her dress.
Post # 6
@HisIrishPrincess: FMIL is the one who is picking out a lot of the cocktail dresses she likes and FSIL keeps telling her they are “too much” and then she doubts her choice. They are most definately not too much. I think they are all super approriate for our wedding.
I just don’t want her to feel underdressed. I find it so hard to be comftorable in a situation when I am underdressed. FMIL is going to be lighting a unity candle at the ceremony, being in family pictures, and meeting all of my extended family I don’t want her to spend the whole time embarassed.
@Lbward6: You know that is actually a really great idea to get my fiance to tell her how much he likes the dress she wants. I bet that if he told her he loves it and that it would be approriate for the wedding she would buy it.
I’ve been tell FSIL constantly what the wedding will be like and the dress expected. I mean she is in the wedding she knows whats going on. I’m trying to just go with the assumption that she is not getting it but (at the risk of sounding paranoid) a part of me can’t help but feel she is doing this on purpose.
Post # 7
@March1stBride I find the easiest way to get across to my FMIL is through FI haha it’s a lot easier without worrying about offending anyone. Good Luck, your wedding date is so soon!!
Post # 8
If you feel comfortable doing it, I would just talk to FSIL about what you are hoping FMIL will wear (style, etc) and maybe offer to take her shopping together! It could be a really nice experience for all of you 🙂
Post # 9
@March1stBride: Oh then as politely as possible .. .step on FSIL’s toes 😀
Post # 10
I would flat out in front of FSIL tell your MIL that the dresses she is looking at are great and that you like them. Maybe your FSIL has no idea the formality of your wedding and thinks she is being helpful. Otherwise I think your FI needs to help out with this and either tell his sister to stop or encourage his mom to pick a dress the two of you like and ignore his sister’s opinion.
Post # 11
You need to assert yourself and straight out contradict your FSIL to your FMIL, nicely, of course. Say, “actually, it is that type of wedding. It’s going to be pretty formal, and usually the mothers dress more formally than most guests. You’ll fit right in with my parents and the wedding party if you wear that beautiful dress. I think it’s perfect.” And have your FI tell her he likes it too.
Post # 12
Hiya – March 1st wedding here too.
I have some similar issues – FMIL doesn’t wear dresses and FSIL is giving her cues as to what is appropriate to wear.
FMIL wanted to get a dress made… in imported Chinese silk and to her measurments. It’s not that kind of wedding.
She would have done it too, if she didn’t wait so long to do it.
So she bought a top and will wear it with a black skirt. Quite frankly, I don’t like the top but if it makes her happy she can wear it.
I don’t think she’ll look particularly good with the rest of the wedding party in photos, but getting her to decide on a dress was like pulling teeth – difficult and stress-inducing.
I think a wrap dress would be so pretty! They are very flattering and can be dressed up or down. I own two and wear them frequently to weddings. A floor length wrap dress would be AMAZING, and something maybe FMIL can feel comfortable in at the same time.
And for the record, my mom is renting a dress for the wedding, from Rent the Runway. It’s a beautiful green shift dress, and apparently she looks awesome in it (went to the showroom in NYC and tried it on). She didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on a dress she’d only wear once, so she spent a bit of money to rent a designer dress, which I think is fun.
BUT in your case, I agree with the PP’s who said you need to step on FSIL’s toes… if she’s the one who is calling the shots on this then you need to tell her what shots to call.
Post # 13
@March1stBride: Our moms wanted to match our theme without matching the bridesmaids. They both wore blue formal dresses. You did what you can. You showed her what you parents will be wearing, and she knows its formal. If she chooses something a little less formal then that is on her. :/