Post # 1
I’m just going to vent here a little bit as I am feeling stressed, so if you have any helpful advice after reading, I would be appreciative!
I’m stressing about balancing spending important days/holidays/events with my FI and his son and also being able to spend time with my family. And, having all of them feel like I want to be with them and that they have my full attention.
Father’s Day is making this even worse. My to-be stepson (who is 12) is aware of what the significance of this day is and he wants to do someting for his dad, he wants to make pizza’s at home. I love this, I mean, I’m a horrible cook and feel like this could end up in a disaster but I think the effort will be worth it, I know FI will appreciate it.
The flip side is, what do I do with my Dad? He is single and lives alone. He’s not really social and since FI and I have been together I see him less and less. Add in to the mix my sister who is married and has a child complaining at me that I never see him.
I really don’t like group events. which is what my sister suggested. I feel that, even though neither my dad or my FI would ever say it, they want the day to themselves and they should have what they want. So I feel that the group event is just a patch and I feel like I’m being pulled in 2 directions.
And, adding a little kink into this is the fact that my dad’s birthday is two weeks after Father’s Day. My FI thinks that this is a reason for me to be a little less concerned with what happens on Father’s Day because in two weeks it will be his birthday. He even told me that he (FI) should be my first priority on Father’s Day. And that’s probably where most of the stress is coming from, from that statement which I feel is unfair, right? I mean he’s not my Dad, but I realize that our son is 12 and that obviously limits what he can do for his dad, so I have to pick up the slack.
What do you bees think?
Post # 3
I remember totally stressing out during the year of my engagement for all things holiday. It was like I wanted to spend it with FI and do things as I anticipated my new family – yet felt a pull to my family of origin.
The 12 year old you mention is your soon to be step-son, right?
I think you should first figure out when you are going to celebrate Father’s Day with your dad and talk to him about what his preference is. Then, working around that, create an awesome Father’s Day celebration pizza party with the 12-year old and your FI.
I don’t think it’s fair for your FI to tell you that Father’s Day shouldn’t be about your dad. Can you think of why your FI is feeling that way? Does he feel like he won’t be celebrated if you go celebrate with your dad??
Edit to add: in that year prior to marriage, I made it a point to spend holidays with my family and mostly without FI. I was REALLY glad I did that – because it was the very last time that I was ‘single’. Post-marriage, DH will always be in the picture. It was difficult to reach that decision – but I’m SO GLAD I did.
Post # 4
Does your father live nearby? Why don’t you invite him over for pizza as you were planning to do. Then you can do something individually for his birthday.
Post # 5
@oracle: I love the advice about spending time alone with my family before we get married! I will usually do things with my mother alone because she is very jealous of my FI!
I think FI made that comment because he felt like he was going to have to share, and in that context it makes total sense!
@scadadle15: He does live in the same city, but across town and it’s about 30 minutes for him to get to us, and I feel bad about making him come to us you know?
My sister and I are going to split the day up because she has her husband, FIL, and he step-dad to celebrate with as well. So we are going over in the morning and having bruch with my dad then I will take my FI and step son to the zoo for their annual photo then go back to our house for a late lunch early dinner pizza party.
Thanks bees! I appreciate your responses!