Weddingbee boards

As MOH, I am trying to be as supportive as I can and fulfilling my duties as best as possible for my friends wedding. Yesterday, I went with them to visit their venue because they were having a special showcase on preferred vendors. I was having fun for the most part but then I started to get super jealous. I hid it well but inside I was slowly dying. I realize I may not get engaged for up to another two years but I am sad because S and I are responsible and really have our lives together but he's refusing to get engaged right now. My friend is basically having my dream wedding and since we have so many of the same friends I don't think I'd be able to use the same ideas. For example: she's having her wedding at my dream venue: a winery. I LOVE wine to the point I have a wine theme in my kitchen. She doesn't even like or drink wine.  At the venue, we were looking at dresses and the dress she was describing sounds exactly like my dream dress! I have to help her go dress shopping next month and I am kind of dreading it. I mean I know we are friends and have similar taste but seriously.. she even wants the same flowers I dreamed of having- anenomes (I even have a pot of them on my porch). I know it's silly to be feeling so jealous but S's reasons for wanting to delay getting engaged is to I guess secure our finances even more (we already are doing well). I found out how much they are spending on their wedding and I KNOW they don't have that kind of money to spend. Hopefully they won't have to go in debt to pay for their wedding. I am just so sad because I feel like us being responsible means I don't get to have any wedding anytime soon- neverless my dream wedding. Also, I feel like if we got engaged and had my dream wedding that we wouldn't struggle. I was being a good MOH yesterday and offering some valuable input. I don't want to feel this way but all my previous angst over the state of my relationship just makes me feel worse. Any advice?

Thanks everyone for the advice! I definitely didn't let on that I was feeling sad with my friend nd I realize I am being ridiculous. I think I am mostly just sad that I'm not engaged and that I have to wait for awhile. I have some great ideas for my future wedding and I know a lot can change before then- like I want to include my SO in the planning process. That being said, my taste probably isn't going to change that much and my friend and I both like the idea of a wedding that is "simple yet elegant." Also, I've been in love with a dress for about 5 years and really only like dresses that look similar to that. My only hope of changing my preference in dresses is if it looks hideous on. I think i am also jealous that they aren't letting money stand in the way of getting married and they don't really have money! My boyfriend is financially secure and is ketting money be the main reason of not getting engaged. Grrr! It's just so frustrating.

@ serabel- We recently had the talk about timing and our timelines are waaay off. I'm taking a few weeks to think about how to compromise and reasess my needs, etc. I don't think his reasons for waiting are good enough to balance out my reasons for getting engaged sooner rather than later- he feels the same but vice versa. We laughed and just basically agreed we were at an impasse.