- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
i recntly told my hubby that in 50yrs time im sure i will kill him for leaving his dirty clothes in the bathtub... which is right near the clothes hamper
hehe this happens all the time with me and FI. I don't mind doing dishes and straightening up but sometimes it just drives me crazy! FI will eat something and put the trash part in his glass and leave it on the living room coffee table. Everyonce in awhile I just snap and yell "I HATE when you leave your *crap* all over the place". That usually gets it off my chest. It blows over within seconds.
Today he actually ate a chicken drumstick and accidentally put the bone in my water glass instead of his. I was SO disgusted.
I find it easier to laugh about these things though. He never does anything maliciously and it is just easier to say "you're gross. get me a new drink and put your stuff away". Its tough sometimes but in the long run its easier just to laugh.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything else you can do unless you want to either have a serious conversation with him, or just stop cleaning up after him. Let him "live in squalor", as it were.
I know my dad (and my sister and I, to be honest) do this type of stuff sometimes at home, and it drives my mom BONKERS. =/ There's not much you can do, besides nag, in my experience. And sometimes that doesn't even work. Usually though, my mom manages to get us to keep our "messes" in our own rooms.
Well I guess I am not going to be of much use on this one but I will say that when he cooks there is generally a disaster in the kitchen for a couple of days. I am still not sure that he knows what the broom is used for. Nor does he know that just because you take the trash out of the can and set the bag beside the can that it does not count as taking out the trash. I am so tempted right now to throw his crap in the laundry room out in the yard because I am just tired of looking at it. Argh. I think I just added to your vent.
at least i am not the only one that feels this way, eh? I'm considering just saying to him tomorrow, very calmly. Mr T, this is just a friendly reminder that I would like you to put your things away, and help me keep this house clean and tidy. How do we think that will go over?
Well, you said that he is proud of himself because he thinks he's doing a good job, but in reality it's you doing it, so maybe you should just not do it for him? Or take baby steps and do some of it, but leave a little left for him and give him huge praises and maybe some smexy flirting for doing what you'd like so that he keeps doing it. i know itll get annoying, but maybe if you just leave it and not say anything, he'll take care of it. maybe he resents you telling him that stuff. it would be super annoying though. my hubby has a bad habbit of cluttering up the computer desk and coffee table and the dresser. just try to remember all of the reasons that you do love him and just remind yourself that he isnt doing it because he just wants to annoy you or be disrespectful, that's just how he is! good luck. maybe try writing a message on the bathroom mirror with that window paint stuff?? or leaving a very friendly post-it that will make him smile AND put his stuff away :)
yeah, i like the post-it note idea. and see, i've been told time and time again "just don't pick up after him" but... see it doesn't bother him. it bothers ME. lol so i dont' see how that would help. and he won't do it unless i ask him to half the time. it took him a WEEK to unpack his bag from visiting his parents a couple weekends ago.... it took him like 2 months to organize his clothes cupboard after rumaging through it to find a t-shirt one day. ugh.. how do boys live this way?
I've just come to the realization that his priorities are different than mine...I like the house pretty much cleaned up all of the time, and he would live in his filth forever. It is hard to get someone to take action on things that they flat out don't care about. It is just not on his priority list, and because I'm the one who cares, I'm the one who keeps picking up. It's not fair, but I'm willing to pick my fights on things that really matter. That's not to say say that I'm not sometimes cursing him under my breath while I'm walking his 8th cup of the day to the sink.
Of course, if he waited for me to mow the lawn, the grass would be higher than the house by now!
Bouquet-Close_Up.JPG (1145.5 KB, 40 downloads) 1 year old Bouquet.JPG (1296.6 KB, 33 downloads) 1 year old Pearlized_Green_Sea_Glass.jpg (465.7 KB, 46 downloads) 1 year old Letter_B-Green_Baskets-Ring_Bearer_Pil.jpg (1418.4 KB, 29 downloads) 1 year old Light_Green_Mercury_Candle_Holder.JPG (1655.3 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old
I don't think you should say anything. Just let the dishes pile up! Who does he have to blame when they start to smell....except uh himself! He'll get to them eventually. I PROMISE.
I agree with GaBGal......just laugh it off. I've been married for almost 4 years. In the beginning little things do piss me off. To this day my husband still leaves dishes in the sink (even though he recently got laid off, and I work all day), leaving the toilet seats up, and the most annoying habit....leaving the toothpaste cap open. He could just easily screw the cap back on....but he's too laszy to do it. Since the cap is not on, sometimes the toothpaste will be gushing out...making a mess on the counter. So annoying! But these are habits....and sometimes they are just unaware and it's hard for them to change. Just like I have annoying habits that my husband can't stand.....such as leaving cups around the house when I done with my drink. I tend to forget to bring them to the sink...so my hubby always brings them to the sink for me. And after shower, I forget to pick up my hair on the bottom tub...but my husband does it for me. With all my bad habits...my husband never once complain to me. I once read a book called "Don't Sweat the small stuff" and these are just things that we should just not fuss about. There are far more things in life then to fuss over little stuffs like these. I've learn to just appreciate each other and feel greatfull for the little things he does with my bad habits. If you think of it that way...you won't be as mad. Why get so mad when you're only making yourself more miserable. Habits are just hard to change.
Wow, that must be frustrating! I think you should have a conversation with him about exactly what you want him to do and then brainstorm (together) ways that he can be reminded to actually do it. Maybe making a chore chart isn't so bad? It might sound juvenile, but I think if he has a constant reminder of the things he needs to do, and he gets regular appreciation for completing those tasks, he might do it more often.
For my husband, nagging about chores just makes things worse. And most of the time he still doesn't do things when they just need to be done; he has to be reminded. :)
Thanks for the feedback ladies... I realized at about 3am that it's really not a big deal, like I said, I was just having a bad day. We had a talk this morning - mostly about how I'm trying not to fly off the handle as much, and I am trying to make him a priority in my life... I just need us to be on the same page. We get so busy sometimes doing our own things that we forget to just stop and talk to each other about our day, and about or thoughts/ feelings. And I might have mentioned that I would appreciate if he helps me out with the little things around the house, ie, putting his stuff away in the bathroom. 
And he's proud of me for not just coming down and yelling "for god sakes, put your fucking toothbrush away!" lol
simple stuff, seriously. "Babe, please leave your shoes on the rug in the back hall" Shoes are on the tile floor. I put them back. 2 hours later, they are back again on the floor. Is it that hard???!!!
I've encountered similar problems in my marriage. I think it's a mentality problem: thinking of yourselves as two separate coexisting people or thinking of yourselves as two members of a team working toward a shared goal.
Like with him cleaning up his dishes but not your pasta bowl, that might be a matter of him thinking he was picking up after himself, but why should he pick up after you? (Even though you pick up after him.) Instead of thinking "I'm picking up after me or after her" I'm trying to transition to thinking "We're keeping a nice-looking home together" and then doing what needs to be done to achieve that. I would talk to him about the vision that you have for the way your house should be kept and make it less about "my mess" or "his mess" or "my chores" and "his chores." It's easy to ignore your "own" chores because you feel that the only person you're cheating is yourself. But when you ignore the chores you've been assigned but you think of the chores as extensions of the shared vision you have for your house together, you feel more accountable and invested and are more likely to stay on the ball.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 76 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 6 |
 bricon |
6 |
| Jade33 | 6 |
| Sunfire | 6 |
| WillyNilly | 6 |
| Shera2550 | 6 |
| cardnasac | 5 |
| mags2233 | 4 |
| lorie | 4 |
| ananombee | 4 |
Sorry bees, but I'm having a bad day and need some advice...
*Sigh* OK, here we go. So FH and I are both sometimes lazy people. We both hate doing dishes, and even though we made a deal when I moved in (over a year ago) that I would take care of laundry if he did the dishes. But sometimes... well actually, often, he has a lazy day, and I end up doing them before I go to bed. Granted, he works full time and I am currently laid off, so I don't mind taking on some extra responsibilities around the house. However, today it seems to be getting on my nerves more than usual. Do you ever notice that the little things really start to add up after a while, and you just want to explode? ..that's kind of how I feel right now. He also has an annoying habit of not be able to hang up a towel (in the bathroom, in the kitchen, even his towel that he leaves on the bedroom floor after every shower), and tends to leave his contact case, his moisturizer, and somtimes the toothpaste sitting on the bathroom counter, instead of putting it back in the medicine cabinet, within arms reach. Usually I get up in the morning, put his stuff away, put his dirty clothes in the hamper, and go about my day - doesn't bother me. But I have talked to him about this many times, and how it's irritating that he can't just take his toothbrush out of the holder, use it, and PUT IT BACK. He does better for a week, and then, back to the same old, same old. And frankly, I'm tired of talking about it, so just continue to put it away for him. But then today.. he pissed me off (unrelated to not putting things away, more related to not listening)... and when I asked him to do the dishes, since I had spent ALL DAY cleaning (we have company tomorrow), and I've done ALL the dishes ALL week, he does them - all but ONE pot that still have a bit of my pasta left over in it. Really?? You can't just scrape the pasta out and wash the effing pot? Since I already dumped out leftover rice from a pot of his from YESTERDAY. When I do the dishes, I do ALL of them - all the dishes I eat off, and all the dishes HE eats off. (We generally eat separate meals since I'm such a picky eater). I know this seems stupid but like I said, it's just the little things that add up and I eventually reach my wits end. I want to confront him about his laziness, but I know it's going to turn into an argument, and I just don't know how to go about talk to him about it. I want to be able to talk to him about these things - get my feelings across to him, without seeming angry and yelling. I used to be really bad for yelling and screaming, but in the past few months have been trying really hard to be better, and not yell. He just frustrates me because he thinks he does so well at picking up after himself, but really I'M the one doing it all. Sorry to rant so much... I just don't know how to deal. I hate argueing.....