Post # 1
Soooo my fiance and i just got engaged 7/17/13 and are trying to get the guest list together. I have a couple questions regarding that. We haven’t booked a venue yet but will be within the next month or so….I already have it picked out and as of last week it is available for the date we want. Hopefully it stays that way! I feel sooooooo behind, even though I know I have over a year to plan this. Once some of the big things get out of the way, that feeling will get better I’m sure. I already have a photographer and person to make my cake (separate people but both friends of the family), and colors picked out, semi-picked out centerpieces, and I have an idea of what kind of dress I want although that might change when I try things on. I guess I shouldn’t feel so behind perse but I do….when the venue is booked then I can focus on fun things like finding a dress, picking out the style of dress I’d like for my bridesmaids. I have asked a little over half of my bridal party…just have two left to ask, but I want it to be in person if possible. Ah!
Okay now for the hard part – I know I have to invite my cousins (ages 14-older than me) and a couple of them have kids, which I don’t mind. A lot of my friends have kids and I know some of them wouldn’t want to bring their child anyways because then they wouldn’t be able to have AS fun of a day/night. Soooo on some of my friend’s invites, should I just not include the children (their kids ages will be ranging from 1-5ish at the time of the wedding next year so some of them wouldn’t eat a whole plate anyways)????? Help!
Also, I would like to invite some people from work that I have become close with….but I don’t want to hand out invites to everyone. Do you think it would be rude to invite some to the whole thing (wedding and reception) and then post a thing in the break room saying when the dance is and that whoever wants to come is welcome to when the dance part starts???? Or is that rude?
I don’t want to seem like a rude or bad person…but I don’t want to have a HUGE wedding – it’s already going to be big enough around 225ish. Agh. Any polite advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@NicoleLyn1218: Not inviting small children is a good idea for cutting a guest list. Make sure you set a rule on what age and/or family relation and stick to it. Also, be aware that by not inviting their kids, some parents will choose not attend your wedding. This also helps cut your guest list. It’s not your fault that certain parents will choose not to attend rather than hire a babysitter to watch their kids for the night. Trust me. Unless they are really neurotic, they have left their kids with someone so if they choose to skip your wedding over not being able to bring their kids, that is their choice.
Post # 4
@NicoleLyn1218: Also, I would like to invite some people from work that I have become close with….but I don’t want to hand out invites to everyone. Do you think it would be rude to invite some to the whole thing (wedding and reception) and then post a thing in the break room saying when the dance is and that whoever wants to come is welcome to when the dance part starts???? Or is that rude?
Don’t do this. Invite the people that you want to attend. I’m not sure if you meant this in the casual sense or literally BUT don’t hand out invitations. Ask your potential guests for their address and mail them. If you want to be sure that word doesn’t get around that some people were invited and some weren’t, then you can politely tell your coworkers to try to keep the wedding talk to a minimum so that others don’t get offended, but they should know better.
Also, it is not rude to not invite people. If you don’t want to invite them, don’t invite them. It’s your wedding. And even if you feel guilty, don’t ask people to wait until the music starts to come in and dance. That’s awkward, weird, and rude.
Post # 5
@NicoleLyn1218: Invite the entire office to the ceremony, and just ask those invited to the reception not to mention it at work, or don’t invite them to the reception.
Try to draw distinctive lines around what types of people you are inviting, and what type you are not. eg. Family first. Close friends Second. Work people/other friends if there’s room.
The Queen, obviously. I don’t think she’ll come, and if she does, you’ll probably get a hellawicked gift.
Post # 6
@beachbride1216: Very good point about making an age cutoff! It makes it a little easier that I am not having a ring bearer and flowergirl….I don’t want to have to deal with trying to make them smile and not cry or whatever during pictures so I am just electing not to have any at all. I will be having 5 girls and my Fiance will be having 5 guys….that’s enough for me. And yes, if people aren’t willing to get a babysitter then I don’t really need their company I guess. I just feel guilty.
@TaurianDoll: Oh I was planning on mailing them….I meant handing out to everyone as if I would be giving them to everyone. I kind of figured that putting a sign up for just the reception would be rude. We always have a potluck for people who are getting married, have a baby and/or are leaving our floor to go to another floor in the hospital.
@Duncan: Good idea…for a lot of them it would be a long-ish drive to just come for the ceremony though. Eh it would be their decision I guess though. I want to keep the number around 225ish people.
Post # 7
@NicoleLyn1218: The invitation is a courtesy. Most won’t come. It’s just the gesture of letting them know they’re welcome.
Post # 8
@Duncan: True to that comment. It’s the thought that counts 🙂
Post # 9
@Duncan: It is impolite to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception in North America.
OP, you seem sweet, but you don’t need to invite everyone an their brother to your wedding. The only people that must be invited are social units (married, engaged, living together couples).
Post # 10
@andielovesj: Oh believe me I know – Just my family alone and a few close friends and my side of the bridal party is 175….his side is like 45 including his side of the bridal party lol.
Post # 11
In the UK it’s acceptable, and indeed very common, to invite guests only to the evening part of the wedding reception. Lots of couples choose to send invitations to some guests that are only for the evening celebrations. However, I am not sure whether this will work in your situation, as it’s my understanding that weddings are often held later in the day in the USA. (For instance, I am getting married at 2:30 pm following which there will be a three course meal. It is usually after the formal meal that evening guests arrive and it is considered polite to provide a buffet for them. We haven’t decided whether to invite any additional guests in the evening yet, as we are aiming for an intimate wedding but, like you, may invite work colleagues to this part of our day.) I believe that a lot of American weddings start in the evening so there simply wouldn’t be time to cater to your guests in this way.
Invite only the people you want to be there to your wedding. People know that weddings are expensive and that space is often at a premium… That said, don’t invite everyone in your office except one person — as that would be rude!
It seems quite common for people not to invite children to their weddings.
Post # 12
@lunalyra: Hello! I wish it was that way here! I’m not exactly sure what the custom is here but I have heard both things. I believe we are going to shoot for a 3:30 or 4ish wedding ceremony and then dinner held after that. I’m thinking late night appetizers or something maybe….or a late night snack bar.
I wouldn’t invite most but a couple that I’ve been close with only….but then I feel bad not inviting some other people. I don’t knowwwwwwwwwww.
Post # 13
I think you either need to invite all kids or no kids. You have to set a line. All kids over 5 invited but that means that you have to extend the invite to everyone who has kids over 5 and then they can choose if they want to bring their kids or not.
Imagine if your friends got to the wedding to see other peoples kids there and they weren;t even given that choice.
Also for the work people. Get the addresses of the people that you want to invite and send the invites to their homes.
It is also pretty rude to just invite guests to the ceremony and nothing else. Same goes for invting them to the dance and nothing else.
Post # 14
@NicoleLyn1218: make an A list and a B list.
your A list – everyone who must be there
your B list – the like to haves
after A list is counted, how much space do you have left.
prioritze the B list and add people until you reach your max #.
Post # 15
Invite them to either the whole thing or don’t invite at all. Tiered weddings are not acceptable in the US.
Post # 16
@NicoleLyn1218: First of all, you’ve been engaged for 2 weeks and you still have 14 months to plan. You already have your venue, photog, etc; you’re definitely not behind.
I would just invite the few people you’re close to at work; don’t feel pressured to invite anyone you don’t hang out with outside of work (or wouldn’t consider hanging out with outside of work). Like OkieHeart says: invite them to everything or don’t invite them at all.
As for kids, I wouldn’t be able to imagine having my wedding without my niece and nephew (and FI’s nephew, of course). I really wanted to stop there, but I have an aunt and uncle who don’t understand etiquette and will bring their kids to my wedding regardless, so we decided to invite all of the kids in our families. However, allowing all of our friends to also bring their kids was too many people, so we drew the line at family kids.
Also think about how far you want to branch out family-wise. Do you just want aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents or are you also into adding great aunts/great uncles/first cousins once removed/second cousins. Obviously, sticking with the former will make for a smaller wedding.