Post # 1
So my dad has mentioned a few times that he has some people he’d like to add to “his guest list” but our wedding is on the smaller side. We’re hoping for around 60 people total at the reception with ~35 being family and ourselves. We’ve given each set of parents 8 extra invites, so 4 couples. What my dad is wanting to do is to invite people he goes to church with out of courtesy because he thinks they won’t show, the wedding is about an hour and 45 minutes away from where he lives. I for one am not comfortable with this because you never know what people may do. Since I don’t really know any of the people he goes to church with I feel uncomfortable inviting them. I would like to add that FI’s family is contributing more to the wedding than my side of the family, although my family is contributing as much as they can afford. I don’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings or his relationships with anyone at his church but I really can’t risk inviting someone thinking they wont show and they actually do! My dad isn’t being bossy/manipulative like some of the posts I’ve read on here, he’s just doing what he thinks is polite. What are y’alls opinions on this? How would you handle the situation?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@chouette: We’ve been telling our parents that we don’t want to meet anyone on our wedding. But I would definitely put my foot down if they were persistent. We offered to have their friends over for lunch/tea afterwards to celebrate. Maybe something like that would work?
Post # 4
@chouette: I’m confused. Are you worried that if you invite them, they RSVP ‘no’, and then just show up? Or is it that you don’t know them? If he thinks they won’t come than what’s the issue? Send out the invites so he can feel like he extended the invitation and let them say no. It’s a win win lol.
Post # 5
I am having a DW and only wanted our immediate families, but got pressured into inviting my grandparents siblings, their kids and grandkids and I thought, there is no WAY these people will pay to come to my wedding, we are not really close at all…..I was wrong. We have about 80 people coming now and its about a 19 hour drive. Point is, don’t invite anyone you don’t want there. Tell your dad that you understand he is close to these people, but you were hoping to only have people you really care about there.
Post # 6
@Weetzie: I think the concern is that you’ll send out the invite and they’ll accept afterall. I definitely had a few of my “courtesy” invites surprise me and actually RSVP yes.
Post # 7
My mother wanted me to send invites to ireland (to family I have never even met) because “they won’t come”. I’ve read many horror stories of people doing that and people showing up so I just said “NO WAY”.
When we originally got engaged we told people if they wanted us to invite people they wanted they had to pay. We pulled that quickly when my FSIL said she wanted to invite HER MIL to watch her kids at the wedding.
So, I would say very nicely tell him you’re not comfortable with doing that because if they do end up showing up then it will open a can of worms. Why couldn’t FI’s parents invite their friends? It can get messy very quickly
Post # 8
I’m having a similar issue with my dad right now too! He wants me to send a “courtesy invite” to his friends, because they always invite him to things. He swears to me up and down that he “knows they won’t be able to make it.”
But we are having a very intimate wedding of only 28 people invited, and one of the main reasons for that is that we only wanted to have people we really love there, and absolutely know “political invites.” And what he wants me to do is exactly that — a political invite.
I also have to consider the obvious possibility that this couple very well could RSVP yes (no matter how much my dad thinks they won’t), and if they did show up, this guy would completely change the atmosphere of the day because he is llloooouuuddd and obnoxious.
So I, myself, am trying to find a way to let my dad down gently.