Post # 1
I’m having a rough waiting night. I am somewhat of a control freak and my biggest problem is learning how to accept that the things I’ve always wanted for my life are completely out of my hands. I want to be married, i want to have a family, and I’ve always had an idea as to when i wanted that to happen. The time has come and gone, I’m almost 29 and I’m starting to feel angry and bitter. I really want to get past this feeling…Any advice is GREATLY appreciated. Thank you,sincerely. – A Newbee
Post # 2
Woody Allen once said “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”.
I just want to highlight that everything isnt going to be in your control and at some point you honestly need to accept that and let it go (and this is coming from a self proclaimed control freak). You dont want that bitterness and anger to consume you.
Somethings dont work out for a reason, and while yes you want to be married and have a family. I am sure you want to have all those things with the right person and not any random dude just so you could have stuck to your timeline. These are the things you have to keep in perspective when you start getting overwhelmed by these emotions. Your past relationships didnt work out for a reason, so as much as your timeline is important, obviously being with the right person is more important to you, otherwised you would have settled or tried to make those relationships work just for the sake of “getting married”. Keep reminding yourself of that when you need reassurance.
Post # 3
I don’t know, I think a lot of our Bees in Waiting would be happier if they took more control, not less. There seems to be a tendancy to give all of your power away to the SO–he gets to decide his timeline.
Why not be proactive, sit down with him & discuss what YOU need for the future & your timeline?
Post # 4
I think waiting is so hard for us because we are usually in control of our lives. It feels very foreign to give up my control, trust that this is the right relationship, and let things unfold as they will. I’m definitely a waiting bee that needed to give up some control, rather than taking more. I had a very specific timeline in my head that was just unreasonable (I wanted to get engaged within 1 year of dating). Since letting it go and realizing I want to be with my boyfriend whether we get engaged today, next week, or next year, I’ve been able to focus more on enjoying our relationship.
I’m grateful that my boyfriend has always kept me in the loop about his timeline, and that’s crucial. I don’t know if I could be so relaxed without a general time frame.
Post # 5
Thank you all for your replies. It’s true that I don’t want to be with any guy just to fit my timeline, but I should have also mentioned that I’m coming up on 9 years with this man, also we’ve been ring shopping twice (about 5 months ago), and now it’s just a waiting game in which I feel completely out of control, and keep having those “what if he changed his mind??” moments. I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut, because I know it won’t happen when I’m being a brat about it, but last night I broke down again. I feel like an emotional basket case sometimes!
Post # 6
Does he ever talk about marriage or weddings? Does he ever mention when he would like it to happen, even in terms of the season or next year? If he hasn’t mentioned it since you went shopping 5 months ago, I think it is not being a brat to bring it up and see where he’s at with the idea.
Post # 7
eamxo: From what it sounds like, I think it would be a good idea for you to sit down with him and discuss each others timelines. That will help you feel like you have better control through an understanding of when it might happen and it may also provide a little push for him to know that you’re ready! 🙂
Post # 8
All I have to say is to try to keep yourself occupied. Your SO sounds like my SO. It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, I am decorating our home, taking myself out to the movies with friends, getting every spa deal I can find on Living Social and Groupon and trying to keep my big control freak mouth shut!