Post # 1
It has been quite a while since I’ve spoken with my fellow bees. I wish was under more cheerful circumstances.
My FI and I had a couple of blows with family illnesses in the past month. His mom has been in-and-out of the hospital over the past couple of months with severe emphysema. My dad just was in the hospital last month with bacterial pneumonia. FI’s mom isn’t doing well. My dad will recover, but it could take up to a year. Both are on oxygen, and it breaks my heart to see them like this.
Initially FI and I weren’t going to accept $ help from our families, but we accepted the offer because we were trying recover from some bills when FI was out of work most of last year.
Now that FI’s mom and my dad aren’t working, I can’t expect them to keep a financial promise that will be a hardship. I canceled our venue today. Lost our deposit. At this point, we’ll have the wedding at a family farm about 1 1/2 hours away. We cut our list down to immediate family and about 20 friends. We’ll probably just do a pig roast or some kind of bbq.
I have been in tears today just trying to figure out how to make something work. I would just feel horribly embarassed postponing the wedding since all of our family knows the date already. I’m sure it will work itself out, but we were trying to stay on such a tight budget to begin with.
I guess the next step will be selling my dress and shoes. They just don’t work for a backyard wedding. I hope it can cover the cost of an informal dress. I have been looking but being plus-size has been a huge disadvantage.
Anyways, thanks for listening. Sometimes it helps just helps to talk.
Post # 3
I am so sorry to both you, your FI, and your families. I hope everyone is well soon. Good luck to you. I’ll try to think of some suggestions throughout the night and share them with you.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear about the family illnesses. Hopefully everyone is doing ok. Try not to worry about it. The important thing is celebrating the day with family and friends, and everyone is in good health. A backyard bbq wedding sounds fabulous and I am sure you can pull it off great. I think that selling the dress would be a nice idea, and maybe getting a nice cotton wedding dress for a farm wedding. Anyways I hope everything works out for you. Try to see the good in it all, because everything can be much much worse!
Post # 5
Be positive ~ much easier said than done right now, I know. Things will work themselves out. Someone said it in a privious post – it’s about being with the one you love and the family there to witness it. There are sooooo many lovely aspects to a barnyard wedding – think of the rustic, romantic, country-chic decor you can get – and SO many bees sell on the hive here. I wish you and your family all the best. Remember: this is about marrying and pledging your love to the man of your dreams. NOT about some venue, or dress, or shoes.
Post # 6
i say where the dress regardless! if it is just immediate family and close friends, they know the circumstances and will be more than understanding.
Post # 7
@Scottielass: Im so sorry to hear about all of this.
I wouldnt post pone, everyone who knows about the date is close friends and family so they know about the circumstances, and considering all the situations in play here i think a quaint, low key in inexpensive wedding is great.
Wedding are great bc they bring family together. If you keep your date your FMIL and father will be able to make it, and i cant think of anything that will make them feel better then to see their children get married.
Take solice in the fact that whlie all this illness is going on, you two have the opportunity to radiate love and bring all the family together under more pleasant circumstances.
You might not have your dream wedding with chair covers and jewels, bobbles, bubbles and bells…but you WILL have all your family there! (your dad and MIL) and to me, that is the ulimate dream to be able to fulfill on a wedding day.
Keep your dress and shoes and cut costs in other areas….this is your day!
Post # 8
i am so sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope that everyone is doing ok.
My advice is to have a super small wedding and then later in the year have a bigger reception. Don’t look at it like you are postponing or canceling…because you are not, you are just changing plans! Have your wedding the original date and change it to immediate family, close friends. Tell everyone else that becasue of family illness, you are having something more intimate, but that you plan on having a big reception/party later in the year to celebrate.
This way you can keep your original wedding date, get married with your nearest and dearest, but still celebrate later on with everyone else, so it’s the best of both worlds. You can save up money for a fun and casual reception and take your time doing it.
I also second Ms. Meowerson… if you love it, wear your dress! Don’t let a casual venue dictate what you wear, it’s your wedding and you can wear anything!
Post # 9
I agree with the advice to wear your dress! Unless you were thinking of selling it for money, WEAR whatever dress you want!
I know it sucks because you have this vision and you want things to be just right, but I know you’ll end up with a beautiful wedding regardless. It just means a changing definition of “just right”! 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks for the encouraging words everyone. Having our family there is the most important thing, so we agree that changing the “how” and “where” is better than “when”.
I am going to just sell the dress and shoes. While both are beautiful, the shoes are not “field friendly” and the dress is a heavy fabric with a built-in crinoline (oh dear, I don’t even know if I spelled that correctly), and it would still need to be altered. Since I’ll be outside most of the day and it’s a July wedding, it may be better to find something more comfortable. I have been trying to find a tea length dress or something light & flowing. I feel selfish selling it because I always intented to gift it to a bee-in-need after my wedding. I have always donated my formal dresses to Cinderella’s Closet (for girls who can’t afford prom gowns).
At least flowers for the wedding won’t be a problem…I’ll just pick wildflowers the morning of the wedding. There’s plenty around the farmhouse .
Post # 11
@Scottielass: I’m so sorry for you and your FI’s families and I hope everyone gets better soon. I just wanted to say I love how you are staying postivie with the comment about not worrying about flowers 🙂 It may not be your dream day, but you can always find the silver lining if you look hard enough. Good luck!
Post # 12
If you sell the dress it will be at a loss, so why not keep it a wear it. It doesnt matter if it seems overdressed for a backyard wedding, as the bride you can never be too overdressed. I say wear the dress
Post # 13
First, I am so sorry for you and your family. I pray that they will be better soon. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to do those things you did today.
HUNNY KEEP THAT DRESS AND WEAR IT PROUDLY!! It will be just fine, throw on a pair of flippity flops and rock it!!
Post # 14
I hope your FIL’s a speedy recovery.
Also I know it’s sad to lose your venue but you can do so much with a backyard wedding on a budget! There are a lot of great websites on WeddingBee and here is another wedding I loved http://www.younghouselove.com/wedding-album/
Keep the dress!
Post # 15
@Soon2beeMrsM: Thank you so much for posting that link! This has given me tons of inspiration. I love the grilling idea. My grandpa has one of those huge, monster grills. I wonder if we could rent a trailer to get it up to the farm for the weekend. I’d be a little nervous about the propane tanks, but maybe we could just buy those up there. Hmmm…new ideas are starting to take seed. Without the photo booth, this could be do-able. Maybe we could buy some instamatic cameras (I hear those are being made again), or see if my neighbor could build one of those homemade photobooths.
Post # 16
@Scottielass: Oh! Farmhouse and fresh flowers, already sounds perfectly charming!! I have seen some gorgeous dresses when searching “destination wedding” and “beach wedding”, just to keep in mind if you think it might be too hot. Some of the Hawaiian wedding dresses are nice too, and very affordable!