Trying to wait patiently

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    TWifeit:  I was with my FI for 10 years before he proposed. His big factor for waiting so long was that he didn’t have the money to buy the ring and wanted to wait until he was done with school. Plus the pressue of our families didn’t help either. But it didn’t help when he would buy a car or other toys, so I completely understand how you feel. I told another bee this, I was to the point where I knew it was going to happen so I finally learned to be content and wait. It felt like the longest waiting game but the month before he graduated we went to Jamaica and he proposed. I had no clue because I thought he would do it after he graduated.

    My advise to you, especially since you have talked to him, is just to be patient. Enjoy your time together as boyfriend and girlfriend, you are still young. If you are both committed then it will happen. If it doesn’t a year after he graduates, then you need to have a serious talk with him! lol

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee

     

    TWifeit:  Waiting is so hard I am currently doing it myself. Think of the positives of waiting maybe, you are only 22 you have lots of time! I was previously engaged when I was 23 after 6 years of waiting and every holiday or event I would end up in tears that he didn’t propose. A month after he proposed it became crystal clear he was the wrong guy and I left him.

    I am in no way saying this is whats going to happen that just happens to be my story.

    I would focus on the relationship and making that as strong as possible, maybe even allowing yourself sometime every so often to have a to have wedding brain. Maybe by yourself or with a friend you think will be supportive and get out all your thoughts and feeling out on the topic (this might be a good place too as there are a lot of people in the same place as you)

    Also might be nice to know that financially you probably will be better off after he graduates and you are more in a position to purchase a ring and plan a wedding. Good Luck and I think all will work out for you just try not to drive yourself crazy I know its hard!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2338 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    TWifeit:  Money is the worst reason not to be engaged! It’s our reason too, and it’s so unfair for that to be the only thing stopping from moving a relationship forward. We’re one of those couples too that have been together forever, have a home and a pet and still the BF/GF title and I hate it. I’ve been waiting for three years, and it’s so frustrating to want to be more, to get married and know that its only money stopping it!

    I don’t really have any advice, aside from frustrating is normal. It sucks. It sucks not being able to afford a ring but apparently you can afford a new toy. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee

    sounds like he’s comfortable “playing house” and nowhere close to getting married right now

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee

     

    cirk:  I don’t know about everyone else but at some point girlfriend almost becomes a dirty word when you want to be a wife.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2338 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    sway0060:  thats the perfect way to explain it. I hate introducing him or refering to him as my boyfriend, the same term a 15 year old uses for the guy shes seen for 3 weeks. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    TWifeit:  I feel for you and am kind of in the same boat where money/financial stability is an issue.  You feel like you are giving your all to the relationship and the man and not receiving the message in return that you are valuable.  At least that is how I sometimes feel.  It’s especially hard when you feel like your man loves you, but he seems to be dragging his feet around a committed future together. 

    The only way I know how to make it better is to begin putting more focus on yourself and your own value and worth.  Don’t let his lack of action or decision define that for you.  Start putting more time and energy into your dreams and goals.  It may not change your SO’s readiness or willingness to commit, but it will help you feel better about yourself.  

    I would also suggest you stop “doing the most” for your SO.  “Doing the most” is what a wife does for her husband because they are in a lasting committed relationship.  He hasn’t given you that title yet, so don’t feel that you have to “do the most” for him, i.e. cook meals all the time, play wifey, be a financial shoulder etc.  You can define what it means for you and be a girlfriend only.

    I wish you the best…Cheers and keep your head up!

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