trying to work things out after a break up

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

What is your relationship like?  After 5 years, if the relationship is healthy, I think there should be a deep enough bond that illness and fights don’t matter, you just can’t conceptualize your life without the other person.  From the little bit you’re saying, it sounds like you are putting in a great deal of effort for the benefit of the relationship, when I would think that the glue should be there already.  How could he be apart from you for 3 weeks?  I guess my advice is to think about the bond that you have and if it’s strong enough or if the need to work things out is just going to keep arising.

Post # 3
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I guess my advice would be to not forget why you broke up with him in the first place. I think that in situations like this we can get “breakup goggles” and only see the good things and how hard it is to break up and just sweep the real issues under the rug in the interest of staying together. Believe me, I’ve done it. The issues didn’t go away and we ended up breaking up for good much later when it was that much more difficult. The fact that you ended a 5 year relationship over a month of fighting tells me that there are probably bigger issues at hand that need to be addressed. Strong relationships don’t just end over a bad fight. 

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would like to reiterate what the PP said. Like someone said earlier, sometimes you miss the person so much and want to get back together with them so badly that you forget what the problems were that caused you to break up in the first place. I got stuck in a cycle were I would fight with my ex, we would get back together, things were great for a week and then it just went back to the way it was before and we would break up. This happened over and over again until I realized that it was NEVER going to work out and I left. I started dating my now FI a few months after that. 

After 5 years of being together, your SO should be your biggest supporter. There should be no question of that. By this point, your relationship shouldn’t be “hard” anymore. You should know each other well enough and be able to speak freely with each other that one fight doesn’t cause you to end things.

I wish you guys the best.

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee

Me and my fiancé have been together for 4 years about six months ago we were arguing everyday I mean it was daily. I don’t know why but it was like all of a sudden and before that we hardly ever argued. it lasted for about a month and then it just suddenly stopped. I don’t want to say everyone goes through this but I think some couples do. I would try and make it work it seems like you guys love each other but have just hit a rough patch in your relationship. Try couples counseling and try going on dates and putting in effort like it is the beginning of the relationship again. And don’t break up with him unless you mean it hearing those words really hurt.

Post # 6
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agree with PP – dont sweep the issues under the rug. Sure right now you want to focus on the good things and mend you relationship, but when you break up with someone you have been with for 5 years, there is some serious fence mending to do… on BOTH sides. I have been with DH for almost 6 years and have gone through some pretty rough patches. I couldnt ever imagine breaking things off then getting back together weeks later without some really hard & uncomfortable conversations, counselling would likely be necessary. If you dont figure out the root of the issues now, they’ll just pop up again later when it’ll be even harder to figure out.

Post # 7
Member
3398 posts
Sugar bee

WarrenWE:  I would definitely make sure y’all both understand why you started fighting and broke up in teh first place like PP’s have said.  My ex and I had dated in a total of four years, we had two breaks up (one being the final one) and when we broke up the first time, we just kind of swept the issues under the rug and ignored it as an issue.  Not surprisingly we broke up a year later because of the same issue that was never resolved.  Some relationships are meant to be together, and some aren’t.  I would use the time you spend together now to determine that.

Post # 8
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 WarrenWE:  I’m pretty sure I persueded him into working things out.

I’m sorry but if you have to persuade someone into working things out then I don’t think that is a great start to rebuilding a relationship. 

 

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