Post # 1
My husband and I are trying to conceive. My in-laws (fil, mil, bil and other family members from husband’s family) all smoke. Whenever we go to my in-laws, I find it really hard to breathe due to 2nd hand and 3rd hand smoke. I developed asthma a few years ago when we got our 2 kittens and also I think from spending a lot of time at my in-laws (I’m allergic to cats).
I know that 2nd and 3rd hand smoke is bad for pregnant women but how about women who are trying to get pregnant?
Any ideas on how to tell my in-laws once we are pregnant that we can’t go to their house or have them drive us anywhere? Apparently fans/opening a window will not get rid of 2nd hand smoke.
Post # 3
Wow, when TTC I try to avoid smoke as much as POSSIBLE. Since it is your inlaws, though, I’d get FI to do the talking to them. Also, maybe get some more research under your belt that you can have in pocket. For example, does exposure to smoke lower fertility or impact babies in the first month? Just remember, you will be 4-6 weeks pregnant (at least) before you know you are pregnant and could be exposed that whole time!
Post # 4
Tell them that you went to the doctor because you weren’t feeling well and they told you you are allergic to cigarette smoke.
Post # 5
I really cannot see a visit even once a week being that harmful at all. It’s not like you’d live there or anything. If you visit very frequently, then maybe just cut down on that sometimes, or invite them over to your house to avoid the smoke, but I think telling them you can’t go over b/c of the smoke is indirectly going to say to them that you want them to stop smoking there so you can visit. I would just cut back visits and not say anything honestly.
And if you did have a baby, would you not allow it to their grandparents house b/c of the smoke?
Post # 6
I was the first in my family to have a child and had this problem with my family. Once I was pregnant my family went outside to smoke even my grandparents. We also started having get togethers at other family members house instead of going to the smoker’s house. Most of them were pretty understanding.
Post # 7
My tolerance for smoke is almost nil now that I have been on my own for well over a decade. However, my parents (not my dad since his stroke) and every sibling (w/ the exception of my baby sister) smokes. Although it’s a good thing to stay away from second hand smoke, I am not sure that it prevents fertility as my mom has had 7 kids as a smoker and each of my siblings (w/the exception of my baby sister)…has at least one child.
I can’t really tell my folks what to do in their homes but there is no smoking allowed in my home or in my vehicle…period
Post # 8
I think you should avoid their home if they smoke in it and just be upfront about why. Regardless of you trying to conceive, if it makes it difficult to breathe that should be enough. I would consider how once you do conceive how this is going to affect relations. The in-laws might be offended, but if you lay it out for them it gives them an opportunity to change (stop smoking inside and such) before your child is born.
I can relate…I really dislike being around smokers when they are smoking and it does make it difficult to breathe for me as well. I certainly wouldn’t go to their home or let my kids if they smoke inside.
Post # 9
I would be up front with them. Tell them that you are TTC and with the asthma the 2nd & 3rd hand smoke is not helping your situtation. I would tell them that its nothing they did personally, but you can’t make it over there as much in the past bc of the smoke. And if you invite them over, there is no smoking in your house or even outside. And that they will have to leave their jackets in the car. And ask them them if they could refrain from smoking in the car on their way to your house.
My BF cousin just had a baby. She made her own brother take off his jacket, hat & gloves and leave them in the hospital hall bc she did not want him holding the new baby against his smelly jacket. For me when we have a baby, I am demanding-not asking-any of my friends/family that smoke, they are not to come to the hospital if they smell like smoke. I do not want to put myself, my child or anyone elses child in a dangerous environment. If I smell smoke then they will have to leave. Nothing personal, I just don’t want to smell.
I would think/hope that they would understand where you are coming from since you are TTC. If they don’t get, then ask your doctor or go to your local hospital and ask them for info on 2nd & 3rd hand smoke. They have flyers that they put in the birting papers packet. I’m sure they will be more than willing to give you some extras if you are trying to show people the effects of 2nd & 3rd hand smoke and the effects on children.
Post # 10
i would definately NOT tell them what to do in their own homes. however, i would suggest more get togethers at your house or a non-smokers house if its that big of a deal. Or limit your visits to once per week one hour visits.
I have a problem with my future inlaws and all their smoking. I am an ex smoker, and my FH still smokes, but doesnt in the house or car. They smoke in the house and “put the fan on” like that helps withthe smoke. lol the bad part is my FSIL has a small child and the child already has asthma. Ive tried talking to them about it since its not liek the child can speak for herself, but ultimately its up to them whether they will stop or not.
Post # 11
While smoking is a nasty habit and unpleasant to be around even if you don’t have asthma, I don’t think that minor exposure is likely to affect your chances of conceiving or your ability to carry a healthy pregnancy. Nor do I think that minor exposure is likely to impact the health of your infant once he or she is born.
In our parents’ and grandparents’ generation, nearly everybody smoked. Look at movies made in the 60s and 70s! Around the time that our generation was born (mid 70s to mid 80s), the health cost of smoking was becoming well known and people were quitting. Nevertheless, my point is that most of us were probably conceived in an environment that included smoking, and we turned out okay.
I would ask your in-laws to please not actively smoke around you or the baby—they can wait until you are gone or go outside. However, I think saying you will never go over to their house or ride in their car for the next few years (from pregnancy until the kid is a year or two old, presumably after that it would be okay?) is going too far. They may interpret your request as forcing them to choose between smoking versus seeing their son, you, and later the baby. It may cause a rift or estrangement, and I doubt you want that! Good luck and I hope you can find a middle ground on this.