(Closed) TTC argument/first big argument

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Do you work? Just wondering if it’s possible your thinking about it too much because you havent anything else to think about during the day?

 

By the way don’t put pressure on him yet, enjoy your first year 🙂

Post # 4
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re not the only one who goes through this. When you’re on contraception, making the decision to come off it is scary. Even if you both want kids someday, it’s still a major decision, one that is fraught with uncertainty.

My fiance and I made the decision already that between six months and a year after the wedding, I will go off the pill, but I’m turning 28 this year and he is already 45, so we feel like we just don’t have that much time to wait and that if we want to have a family, we need to get the ball rolling soon. (He wants four or five kids.) I wish we had the luxury of having about three or four years together before starting a family, but we don’t. And even though we have already agreed upon a timetable, it still makes me very nervous.

But you are only 23, so it’s not like it’s now or never for you. Sit and talk with him about what you guys want for your future and where you see yourselves in a year, five years, and ten years. Make plans together about the financial relaities of starting a family and decide how you will work towards your goals. Once you are on the same page with how you see your lives together progressing, then make a decision about when you will start trying to conceive and then just go with it.

Post # 5
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

When I married my ex-H, I was 24.  He was older than me and wound up wanting to TTC way before me.  I held out for 3 years b/c I wasn’t ready….although HE talked about it all the time.  My mom said my dad was the one who pushed them to TTC as well and I honestly think it helps when your DH is on board. 

It’s perfectly normal to have “baby fever” and if you have nobody else to talk to, there are plenty of us on WB in the same boat!

BTW, I’m 36, married again, no babies yet but TTC for years.  DH was actually wanting to knock me up before the wedding but I refused….guess I’m old-fashioned.  He wants kids bad and lets me talk quite a bit about it….otherwise I just get on here!

Post # 6
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Those feelings are very normal. It’s a huge decision to have a baby and it’s a positive thing that you are thinking so much about it before TTC.

I had baby fever for ages before I talked about it to FI and then it was another year or so before we started talking about TTC and then almost a year before we started TTC. So there was a lot of planning and I was still a bit freaked out about the whole thing and did have a ‘what the hell did I get myself into’ moment when we got pregnant.

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It IS a scary decision.  I’m over 24 weeks pregnant and I’m still scared…thrilled, but scared. lol  

My DH was definitely ready to TTC before me.  I went off the pill 3 years ago (so, before we were married) because I had been taking it since I was 17 and I had been told by a couple of doctor’s that, due to some issues, I might have problems conceiving.  The pill can take a while to come out of your system.  It took 6 months of active TTC for us to get pregnant, which was honestly a blessing. Remember, it’s completely normal to try for a year (as in, doctor’s usually won’t talk to you about fertility issues until you have been trying for a year).

So, a couple of things: being scared is normal.  I’m not talking about some all-encompassing fear.  I mean, it’s a big step and is totally and completely life-changing.  If you weren’t scared, I’d be worried for you.  

You both want to be on the same page with this.  Perhaps it’s not that you’re talking about TTCing, but HOW you’re talking about it, that’s freaking out DH?  Find out what he’s worried about.  In my case, it was money and the fact that I was unemployed.  Until my DH got a significant raise, I wasn’t comfortable trying.  I still really wish that I had found a job before I got pregnant, but I’m 32 and I wanted to have children.  

Please don’t worry about the people who start asking questions about babies as soon as you get married.  As I’m sure you know, that’s not a reason to have kids.  Also, are you sure that you don’t have a good friend or someone in the family to talk to about this?  Not everyone is going to try to “force” you to get pregnant.

If your DH is like my DH and me, making a plan is essential.  So, figure out what the best case scenerio is for you guys to start trying.  Remember, guys often seem to think that getting pregnant is easy and it isn’t always.  So, for me, the key thing to remember with this whole situation is flexibility.  

ETA: Going off the pill was really scary for me.  You spend years trying not to get pregnant and all of a sudden, you expect your brain to switch over to “yay! get pregnant” and that can take awhile.  Again, to me, that’s normal.  Just remember, there are other BC options that aren’t hormonal (condoms, etc).  It’s not like you are pulling the goalie just because you stop taking the pill.  You have choices.

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