Post # 1
Hello. Just wondered what you bee’s thoought of my situation and what anyone else would do.
I am in my last year of uni (7 months until finishing). My FI works FT, and obviously i am at uni/placement. But we both really want a baby, have done for ages it seems!! But its just REALLY bad timing! i’m stressed with dissertations/assignments etc, money issues because of the wedding which FYI is in november so its not like i can have a baby or I won’t fit into my wedding dress!! So i dont know what to do!!
Also, his sister was supposed to start same degree as me but she got pregnant(when her FI left her) and moved in to have it with my FI’s parents. Lucky her no bills to pay! so jelous and she gets all the time in the world to sit and look after her baby/ejoy pregnancy without worrying about paying bills and having a job!!
So….i dont know what to do! i get so upset about it 🙁 help.
Post # 3
You guys have your whole lives to have a baby! You want your child to have the best care possible, right? If so, isn’t it a little ridiculous to assume that you’re going to be able to provide that immediately after you graduate? If the timing’s off, it’s off! Go take care of your FSIL’s baby and get your fix, no strings attached 🙂
Post # 4
I feel you. I’m in my 2nd year of law school(2nd degree) and we’re going to start trying in april. DH has been working FT as an accountant for a couple of years now (got promoted this summer!!) & we have a house so there’s nothing mitigating my baby fever!
Logistically, I think you should wait until you’re closer to the wedding to start trying(so that you’re not showing). You might also want to keep in mind the discomfort that comes with pregnancy & if you really want that affecting your wedding; morning sickness, massive belly, no drinking, judging relatives? If none of that really bothers you & your FI is on board… I guess it’s time!
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
can you get a pet in the meantime to help fill the gap?
Post # 6
@babybunny80: It’s tough, but sometimes we’re at a point in our lives where we feel ready to become parents, but the timing just isn’t right. And, it seems like the right timing isn’t far out into the horizon.
I echo another poster in saying that you should get your baby fix for now by helping out with others’ children. You know this isn’t good timing right now so you should wait until you finish school.
Post # 7
I would wait until your are done with school and more established in your career. It will make things (pregnancy and financially_ much less stressful. I understand the urge, DH and I really want to start trying, but I am in the middle of grad school and it’s just not a good time.
Though, to be fair, I’m sure you SIL’s life isn’t all sunshine and roses. You said her FI left her, so she is faced with being a single mom, which is going to be very difficult, regardless of her getting a break from bills by moving in with her parents. So I wouldn’t be jealous for her, it doesn’t sound like a happy situation to me. Unemployed, single, living with parents, and pregnant? Nope, doesn’t sound enviable to me.
Post # 8
thank u! i love knowing other people have baby fever too! i’m on birth control pill so i don’t know when to come off we were thinking couple of months before wedding. but then i got all the emotional stuff that comes with different hormones! weight fluctuations/hormones/bad periods which is why i’m on pill in first place!
I clearly wasnt expressing myself properly. i dont agree with her living off her parents and having a baby. if anything we are more stable than her and are getting married and i’m not just getting pregant because my FI has left me! So naturally i will not be helping her have a nicer time with her baby than she already is. she wanted the baby with no financial/social self sufficiency so she can spend every waking minute looking after it(not me). bit harsh but thats what jelously does to u! i swear i’m going crazy on it!
Anyway…where’s my baby 🙁 Fi says come off pill after I finish or straight after wedding. Its ok…but waiting is so painful 🙁
Post # 9
yeh well her FI left her….3 months AFTER she got pregnant…and NOW they’re back together. i know what u mean ( and thanks for saying it btw!) not enviable but she got what she wanted! No accident.
Post # 10
@MeiFrancis: i got a kitten. love him to bits and love spending time with him looking after him we’ve had him for 6 months. still not making me feel any less baby fever 🙁
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
=( was worth a try. I guess you’ll just have to tough it out
Post # 12
i know, thank u for trying to cheer me up. been so down about it today. do u have kids? FI?
Post # 13
1. Just focus all your attention on the immediate next step in your relationship which is to get married and enjoy it. After that you will have all the time in the world to have baby fever and start planning or trying.
2. Finish school and get a secure job; that will be the best for financial readiness for a baby.
3. Try not to rush all these exciting moments in life. Patience is hard but good. (I’ve been working on this too, I always obsess over the next stage in life even if I know logically and responsibly it won’t be for another few years or so) 🙂
Post # 14
babybunny80 PLEASE don’t rush to have a baby because you have baby fever right now. You said so yourself that you’ve got a hellva lot going on and now isn’t good timing. I’ve had baby fever for years, and it’s ebbed and flowed depending on what was going on in my life (Uni definately didin’t make me want one!)
Once you’ve graduated you’ll be desprate to revel in this freedom that 3/4+ years of hard work is done and you’ll need a break before taking on the next step in life, getting a job, marriage, babies etc.
Your relationship with your fi will change too, it’s not a bad thing but I honestly think you’ll be rushing past all the great things that come before having a baby and once you have them you can’t go back to being footloose and fancy free.
As for your fiance’s sister, I’m willing to bet that just because she doesn’t have bills to pay and has live in support to raise her child, it’s not a bed of roses raising a child with an on/off fiance and withouth finacial and social independence.
I completely empathise with the baby fever as I have it notched up 100% at the moment but even though most things are set (graduated/job/wedding etc) are done there are still things to sort out before I’m comfortable having a baby. The way I’ve found to keep myself entertained is to make a complete list of things I’d love to do before I have children and have been actively checking them off, so when children do come along I can enjoy it to the max.
Post # 15
I would probably wait.
I know you have baby fever thinking of your sister in law, but honestly having a baby is also hard work, lots of things to buy and expenses, and responsibility.
So you would probably enjoy it even more if you waited.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
I’m in my 3rd year of a 4 year program and we’ve been TTC for 6 months now. DH also works FT. We decided to go for it since no time is ‘perfect’ and we are fully aware of how much babies cost and believe that we will be able to handle it. They don’t need anything very extravagent for at least 4 years anyways if you’re planning to allow extravagent things (lessons, expensive Christmas presents, etc). Pregnancy doesn’t really cost money here in Canada though because of our amazing health care system; I’m not sure what it’s like where you are and that is an important factor to consider. My mother just had her last baby almost 7 years ago and we’ll probably be getting a lot of things from her like a change table and crib; so those are expenses we won’t need to worry about and that you may have to consider. Good luck with making your decision!