(Closed) TTC Bees- Feeling really overwhelmed… am I alone or crazy?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I get it. You are definitely not crazy at all. Both Darling Husband and I want me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom as well and I have found myself having the same fears. I think that it’s harder too that you’ve been trying for awhile because those months where it is a pretty big focus in your life give you time to think about the whole process and analyze every little thing…not just about TTC but about, like you said, what’s going to happen afterward. Luckily I have the same kind of Darling Husband as you it sounds like..he is very supportive and fully confident that he can and will do whatever it takes to provide for our family.

Something that my husband and I have started doing that helps my anxiety about the money issues is trying to follow an after baby budget. Since I’m still working now we’re attempting to save as much of my salary as we can (we don’t put the money that we’re spending in gas for me to work in savings since that will not be an expense after the baby) and we budget and live off of DH’s salary. It can get a little tight but at least that shows me that it can be done. Plus, having that extra money in savings is a good cushion.

You will be able to work it out when the time comes and it’ll probably take making sacrifices but it will be worth it for that time with your LO 🙂

Post # 4
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@roxy821: You’re not crazy at all, m’dear.  The issues with TTC does make you think more about what’s going to happen after the baby is born. I’ve love to stay home, but I know that I’m not going to be able to unless we have twins or the second baby.

I am so proud of your Darling Husband, I could just squish him. It sounds like you have a real gem, that he is genuinely listening to your fears and trying to alleviate them. I hope that his business does better really soon and that your fears will abate and he will feel like he doesn’t have to work all around the clock.

I second the suggestion of Elley and that it might be good to make a “baby budget” and start living off that now.  I think I am going to suggest to my husband that we start looking at what that sort of budget would look like and what steps we can make now to make that baby budget easier!

Roxy, there are so many women here that are wishing and praying for you that things that things will turn out well for you. I lurked for two years, and I just want to let you know that there are people here that are wishing you well. Right now.

Post # 5
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think your anxiety about and during TTC is projecting onto your idea of what will happen after.  It might be a coping mechanism – you are tring to think of reasons why having a baby might be problematic- as a way to cope with it not happening right away- and that is surfacing as worries about finances.  It sounds like your finances are going to be okay and I think that is what is going on for you-

When things don’t seem to go our way right away it is natural to think of ideas why they “might be problematic anyway.” 

Post # 6
19 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

I feel like I could have written this post. I also have endo and only one ovary! I have to agree with cbee in that I don’t allow myself to get too excited about the prospect of getting pregnant, and tend to think about why it “would have been problematic anyways”. It’s easier for me to cope that way, but I am trying to think positively! I also think that worrying about monetary issues after baby is not an unfounded fear. we are only TTC for so long, but need to provide for this baby for the rest of our lives! Well, for a long time anyways. It’s sounds like you and your hubby have a really strong partnership. If your priority is being a Stay-At-Home Mom, you both will make that happen no matter how difficult it may be at times. Best of luck to you!

Post # 7
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

For me it helps to just focus on one thing at a time. Of course it is smart to think about and plan for the future, but at this point worrying about what happens after the baby comes may be too much stress for you. Just try to take it one day at a time and once you are pregnant you will still have 9 months to worry about what happens once the baby arrives, but atleast then you wont have the TTC issues on your mind as well.

Post # 10
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

“Most of you brought out a point that I didn’t even know I was feeling until I read it. I want this baby so bad and feel like a failure that it isn’t happening, I am worrying about everything else. My money worry didn’t really intensify until after the first couple BFN.”

Hugs. I haven’t even thought of the financial worry as we’re trying. I can relate to feeling like an utter failure because we haven’t conceived yet. I have felt this way during the past couple of months. It’s worse when a “friend” doesn’t understand at all. Those who’ve conceived on the first try have no empathy, sympathy, or remote understanding of what’s it’s like to feel like your body is betraying you by not getting pregnant on the first or even a few tries after that. I’m finding that putting my energy elsewhere is helping with those feelings. I also refuse to knit baby blankets until we’re pregnant as my own way of coping with the high number of pregnancies and babies around us. During TTC, finding a coping mechanism is key because for some of us the process is longer and more heartwrenching each month. This month, I’m trying to think positive and figure that we get more babymaking experience than those who conceive right away. Getting the BFP means alot more when you’ve been practicing at it longer.

Post # 12
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are not alone. I want to start TTC this summer and already I am worried about everything that comes after that BFP. The pregancy, giving birth, our lives changing, finances being tight, having to find childcare while attempting to stay away from daycare because it’s so expensive…the list goes on. I have to tell myself not to think about it too much because I truly believe once you have that baby in your arms you will do ANYTHING to make things work, and they WILL work out because they have too.

Best of luck on your TTC journey!

Post # 14
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Coming in from my self-imposed TTC-stress break to give you a huge hug.

TTC and the thought process that goes into the decision to become parents is extremely stressful.  I come from a long line of super-fertile women, so I (naively) thought that I would get KU right away.  Because of that, I didn’t really let myself think too much about what it would be like to actually have a baby.  My husband and I knew we were ready – emotionally, financially, etc. – so we just jumped in.  I figured that I would get KU right away and we would have no choice but to figure it out.

Fast forward 6 months.  My ute is empty and I have had a long time to think about exactly how our lives will change as our family expands.  As much as these 6 months have made me realize just how ready I am and just how much I want a baby, the whole thing scares me half to death.  To the point that I honestly am a teensy tiny bit relieved every time AF shows.

My husband and I have been trying to cope with these fears by making a list each month of things we want to do that we won’t be able to do once I am KU/once we have kids.  So far, I have eaten a lot of sushi, consumed a lot of champagne, and tried a lot of new restaurants.  Beyond that, we are taking some trips that I know we won’t be able to take with small children.  This doesn’t make TTC any easier, but it does give me small things to look foward to each month and a sense of satisfaction in knowing that – once I am lucky enough to see that BFP – we will have no regrets for things we could have/should have done before kids.

To the working point (and sorry this is turning into a novel), I have the opposite fear as you.  I know that I will be a working mom.  I worked d*mn hard for my law degree and I plan to use it.  Plus, honestly, I make a lot of money and our lifestyle reflects that.  It would be very, very hard for me to stay at home and would require some major changes (including a move) that I am not willing to make.  But I am SO afraid that I won’t be able to leave my child during the day, or that I will be consumed by guilt because I work.  Both SAHMs and WOHMs have struggles – and I hate that we have to make these choices – so know that every woman on this board is right there with you.  Don’t be embarassed by your fears – we’ve all got ’em.  :o)

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