Post # 1
I have been having this “dilemma” for a few years but now it is driving me nuts… I need to vent and I need some support/opinions/hugs 🙁
I am almost 40 and the fear of not being able to have a baby is killing me. Fiance is younger than me and he wants kidS (yes, more than one), but I keep telling him: so we need to hurry!
I didn’t want to try before getting married because I come from a very religious family and that would be hard on them (having a pregnant daughter that is nt married, OH MY!).
But now, Fiance is trying to postpone the wedding and I told him, I want to get married ASAP to start TTC before it is too late.
He doesn’t understand my fears. I try to explain to him that many women than have to go on expensive medications and the risk of having babies with problems increase and he keeps giving me examples of actresses that had babies in their 40s! But I tell him, I am sure they had treatments and maybe even had frozen eggs!
I feel I am alone on this. I feel he will want kids in the future but I won’t be able to give them to him but he won’t listen to me now!
What should I do?
Post # 3
Guys really don’t get this. Like, at all.
I have friends who got married last year, the bride was 35 and the groom was 29…they started ttc before the wedding but didn’t get pregnant untl one month after the wedding.
My opinion would be to do what you want to do…maybe do a town hall ceremony and have a big one-year-anniversary “wedding” celebration to try and accomodate all sides?
Post # 4
Why is he postponing the wedding?
Maybe you can have a small (like, just you and him) ceremony now so you can start TTC, then worry about having a big wedding later.
Post # 5
Not sure why he is trying to postpone the wedding, but I think you should wait until after you are married. Marriage is a big step as it is. Most people like to get to know each other as husband and wife before having kids. I know that probably isn’t in the cards given your age. My husband and I have been married for 8 months, and we are now starting to ttc because of our ages. It’s sooner than he had planned or even I had planned but I started reading about the average time it takes an older woman to conceive. When we were first married, we stepped into a completely new dynamic. I’m glad we waited until now to start trying.
Post # 6
I understand your fears and was almost 38 when I got married myself and was petrified it would take us a long time to get pregnant. We were told to TTC before the wedding but we just didn’t want to take the chance. I’m really glad we didn’t because it (surprisingly) only took us two months and I have felt like crap since before I even realized I was pregnant. I’m glad I did not have to deal with this and a wedding at the same time! I am eternally grateful for my lack of problems and totally understand your fears.
I guess my question is why does he want to put off the wedding? Money, timing, not ready, etc? Is there a reason there somewhere the trumps baby concerns? If not, then I would really push to keep the wedding as it is planned. If there is a good reason and you still want to have the formal wedding, then I second the earliers suggestion of having a small-ish wedding if you want to be sure to be married before you are pregnant. The luxury of time is not always there and hopefull you guys can come to an agreement that will work for both of you. Good luck!
Post # 7
That’s a really tough one as it can be much harder to conceive at 40. Everyone is different, but I do think you’re right as far as celebs- they have all the $$ in the world for any fertility treatments necessary and aren’t really a fair, real life comparison.
Post # 8
My answer would depend on why is postponing the wedding.