Post # 1
So we have been in the process of TTC… however, when I talk to DH he seems to be uninterested in the serious talk (daycare, saving money, how our schedules will change).He is more so like everything will fall into place. So i have been a little fustrated. I am thinking that maybe I should get back on the pills? I am ready for a baby I have been saving more (in case i take FMLA) IDK if its just the men who seems to have no worries that life will go on. I just feel like I will be a little stressed ( i am a worry body). I was telling him that we should start saving more for daycare ( i cannot afford to stay at home). I don’t think that he realizes that all his extra money that he put into his car and other hobbies may have to come to a stop.
Post # 3
I think you need to make it clear to him that his inability to plan with you is making you reconsider whether you want a child or not. Passively going back on the pill instead of having a real conversation with him will only hurt your marriage in the end – it’s kind of cowardly, however hard the conversation is!
I feel the same way you do about the logistics and financials of having a kid. SO many people blow that off “you’ll work it out” “everything will be ok”. Well guess what? It is 100% doable to plan for the financial hit of having a kid and – I believe – completely irresponsible not to do so!
Post # 4
@crayfish: thanks i will have a talk with him… I think its my nerves getting to me as well. I just like to be a little prepared (although i know you can never be 100% prepared).
Post # 5
When you have a *vague* conversation without specifics, you are going to get *vauge* answers.
Try coming at him from another, more concrete direction. For example…. “I was researching daycare and I foundout that the one I like the best will cost $490 per week. I was thinking that we should look at the budget so that we are both comfortable with how we are going to re-allocate our finances after we have the baby and if we need to make changes now to get started and have money in savings. What do you think?”
You’re getting stressed out because of what you THINK he is thinking. You can’t make decisions on his behalf, like whether or not he is willing to give things up after the baby is born. He has to decide that. MOST guys understand that a baby means financial sacrifice. If you want him to be more specific, you have to have specific conversations.
However, guys don’t *think* about conception and having babies the same way girls do. He doesn’t want to analyze it from every angle. That’s why he loves you. But you can’t assume that he is the opposite of you just because he isn’t like you. Ya know what I mean? Things probably WILL *just fall into place*. They tend to do that. No matter how much you analyze them.
So – you keep analyzing. Let him glide. It will *just fall into place* and you will have prepared for it when it does. The world needs both of you. Good luck.
Post # 6
@3xaCharm: Thanks for the advice… i will try your approach.
Post # 7
@June232012: Be assured that men seem to have a hard time grasping something if its not concrete, cut and dry. We’ve been TTC for a long time, and DH has told me that he will be excited once I get pregnant. Until then, its hard for him to get excited/worried or want to be planning things, because there’s no actual baby for him to think about.
It might not be that your DH doesn’t care, but just that he has a hard time thinking about something that’s only a possibility.
Post # 8
While TTC (even before) I would bring up random pregnancy/baby stuff all the time to my husband, often, maybe too often…probably too often….and one day he said “were not even pregnant yet babe” ~ made me really upset at 1st but you know what he’s right. I think all my worries and thoughts were stressing him out! They were getting in the way of our daily ‘life’ Now I kinda lay low, not that I’m avoiding talking to him about it, but no need to start picking out names or anything…..In my case, just speaking for us, it helped calm the situation and relived a little anxiety putting all the concerns on the backburner (for now) and just getting busy!!