(Closed) TTC is turning me into a mean person :(

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ignore them.  That’s the best advice I can give.  It’s not easy though and doesn’t always work all that well.  🙁  I’ve had 2 miscarriages and while I know that all the lovely comments of “It wasn’t meant to be” and “at least you know you can get pregnant” were meant well, it doesn’t fail to hurt and make me feel like they are minimizing my loss.  *hugs*  I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you have so many clueless people around you. 

Post # 4
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage!

People, if they haven’t experienced it themselves, should just shut up and not give advice. I couldn’t blame you if snapped at someone for a comment like you listed above.

When someone wants to talk about it with you, maybe you can just politely tell them “This is still a very sensitive topic for me and I don’t feel ready to talk about it.”

Post # 5
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with @AprilJo2011: and you just need to say “I’m sorry, I’m not ready to talk about this” – hopefully people are SOO insensitive that they push any further.

I’m SO sorry for your loss, what a horrible thing to go for.

I don’t think your title is fair to you though, I don’t think that not wanting to talk about such a sensitive and personal experience, especially so soon, makes you “a mean person”!!

Take care of yourself xx

Post # 6
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’m going through a very similar situation.  i had an mmc at 9.5 weeks, and my d&c was 4 weeks ago.  my husband and i have been hiding out from our families ever since, because we just couldn’t face anyone. i thought we were finally getting better, but this weekend we had a wedding to go to. after not seeing anyone for over a month, it was a lot more overwhelming than i had anticipated. i was surrounded by cute babies and feeling really bummed. my mother in law kneeled down beside me and asked if i had seen my one year old niece lately. when i told her no, she said, “oh, by choice? is it still that hard?” thats when the tears started flowing. i felt like she was judging me for not being over it yet.

i felt guilty for spending the whole wedding sulking in a corner, for not being able to hold myself together, for picking stupid fights with my husband all weekend. but all i can do, is try harder and harder until i can actually make it through a family event without feeling like i’d rather jump off a bridge than have to speak to someone.

try not to be so hard on yourself.  just do the best you can dealing with people and avoid them all together on the days you need to. 

Post # 7
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry for your loss.  I agree that you should tell them that “Its a senstive topic and you do not want to discuss.  Thanks for being concerned.”   Most ppl should take the hint. 

Post # 8
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am very sorry for your loss.

If someone brings it up I would just say “I prefer not to dicuss it, thank you”. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to go to work and stay focused, you certainly don’t need people at work talking to you about it.

Post # 10
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i definitely feel better than i did. i can actually talk about it now without crying, which is a huge step.  it took us 10 months to get pregnant with a lot of help from my reproductive endocronologist, and at first i didn’t think it was worth it to go through all of that again and possibly face more heartbreak. 

but i think i’m starting to turn a corner.  the other day i said to my husband, if we try again we could get hurt but we might eventually get a baby, if we don’t try at all we will hurt with no chance of a baby. so we’re ready to press on.  i am returning to my RE’s office today for the first time since i left happily pregnant.  i know it will be hard, but i think i can do it without falling apart!

i hope things get better for you soon.  my only advice is to take as much time as you need to just be alone with your SO.  don’t let people pressure you to do things or talk about things when you’re just not ready. people who have never been through something similar will inevitably say the wrong thing whether or not they intend to be hurtful.  for me it was better to avoid that for as long as possible.

Post # 11
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

When I first saw this thread title, I thought I could relate to TTC turning you into a mean person…..but honey, you had a m/c and you have every right to be upset.  Please ignore these horrible people saying things to you….you are allowed to grieve and people need to STFU and mind their own business…..I’ve never been pregnant so I cannot even imagine what you’ve been through…((HUGS))

Post # 13
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Kate25:  Oh, I meant I understand the TTC thing….I started trying 9 years ago with my ex-H.  We did all the testing, meds/IUIs, etc. and it never resulted in a pregnancy.  Docs couldn’t find anything wrong and I became bitter b/c everyone would tell me “things happen for a reason” which didn’t help.  I’ve been with DH for 3 years now and we’ve been actively trying since November and no such luck.  Some months are better than others but it does help to have other women to talk to on WB since everyone IRL just doesn’t understand. 

Post # 14
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Kate25:  thanks for thinking of me.  things went well with the RE yesterday.  she said that since the lab results from the d&c showed an extra chromosome, it was most likely a one time thing that won’t happen again.  but to be on the safe side, she drew blood to check for any chromosomal issues with my husband and i.  she also said she would check my hcg levels and make sure i was back down where i’m supposed to be and then i can start provera today or tomorrow to jump start my first period post d&c. she said i can come back in on CD3 and start up on the same dosage of clomid that worked like a charm last time and we’ll hopefully do an iui that first cycle.  i asked her if it was too soon and she said she would do regular sonos to check that my lining was not to thick or thin before we proceed with the iui, so i’m pretty excited and nervous all at the same time. 

of course, my husband just started a new job where he works insane and unpredictable shifts. yesterday, he worked 7am-12pm! so, i’m already panicking about how he’ll be around to provide the goods.  he promised we will work it out, so i’m going to do my best to relax and believe him.

 

Post # 16
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

more good news: the dr. called to say according to yesterdays bloodwork, i actually ovulated on my own! naturally! no need for the provera, and hopefully my period is on the way and can we can begin moving on.

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