Post # 1
We’re currently going through some infertility issues and while we’re seeking help to conceive biologically, we’re also considering starting the adoption process since both can be long waits.
I’m just wondering if anyone else out there is doing something similar? Any feedback on why it may (or may not) be advisable to do both concurrently I would love to hear it.
Also, up until now, my DH and I have been fairly quiet with our friends and family about our fertility issues and also our decision to try adoption. I’m curious to know how others told their friends or family of their plans? What sort of feedback did you get? We’re fairly private people and to be honest I worry about the negative/naive comments that we might receive. It just seems like there are so many misconceptions about infertility and adoption out there.
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
AnonTTC: I think it’s an excellent idea to start the adoption process now if you are already realizing that you may have infertility issues. You can always stop or pause the adoption process if you get pregnant. You should definitely hesitate if you realize you would treat a biological child different from an adopted child.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you about discussing adoption with your family members is to control the conversation. Own the fact that you and your spouse want to adopt and have a set response for those family members that may not be so supportive. You will likely be surprised at the supportiveness of some versus others. My assistant adopted her children and the most important thing to her was to be open and honest about the adoptions with her kids so her children didn’t find out from other family members and feel ashamed about the adoption being a big secret.
Personally I would recommend researching your options for adoption and having a game plan in place (i.e. applications in and ready to go) before informing your family about the impending addition to your family (think of it like announcing a pregnancy but one that may take a longer than the standard 9 months.) Here’s a great website with lots of articles and supportive advice: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=187
Post # 3
I heard the story of a couple who adopted a child before going on to have their own biological children. They did it purposely this way round so the adopted kid would always know how wanted he was and that he wasn’t just an add-on to the family if the couple had problems having more children. I thought that was really lovely.
I don’t know how it works with adoption agencies if you fall pregnant though. You need to check that out. Good luck in any case.
Post # 4
I don’t have a whole lot of advice but like a PP mentioned I think you should really sit down and think about how you would handle a family that has both biological and adopted children. My mom’s parents had a son and were told they couldn’t have anymore children so they adopted her. Well a few years later they were blessed with my aunt. There were numerous other problems in the family but my mom is still hurt about the fact that she was treated differently than the biological children. She was treated as less and never felt as loved as her siblings. I’m sure you would never do this on purpose but it can happen so you need to have a plan on how you will not let it happen.
Other than that little bit of negativity I think it’s a great idea not to put all your eggs in one basket. Try for both and see where life takes you. With your family, I would start with your parents and tell them how you are feeling and why you are choosing this route. See how they react and what advice they can give you when addressing the rest of your family. I’m sure your family will just be happy that you are taking a proactive role in starting your own little family. Kids are awesome, no matter where they come from 🙂