(Closed) ttc with older man… thoughts?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
  • poll: what do you think about ttc with a man 20 yrs older (early 50s in good shape/health)?
    I love him and would want nothing more than to have his baby! : (16 votes)
    34 %
    No way! : (13 votes)
    28 %
    I'd try for a little, and if it does or doesn't happen is ok with me. : (16 votes)
    34 %
    Other (please post to explain) : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @FutureMrsHuneyBee:  Have the two of you talked about your concerns about his age specifically? It’s true, he won’t have as much energy as a 30 year old, so you have to be prepared for that. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I am an Encore Bride… and a woman over 50.

    While there are certainly men who are quite healthy and active in their early 50s, the reality is they are past the mid way point in their lives.

    After 50, I jokingly say that the warranty on our body expires (much like it does on a car) and stuff starts to go wrong.

    Health is certainly more precarious after 50… and then so significantly every 5 years.

    (As I’ve aged, I’ve become accutely aware of this… having seen a dramatic increase in friends & family members in recent years who have either had severe illnesses or passed away… ages 50 thru to 75, with the greatest concentration in the 50 to 65 range)

    So altho men today can live well into their 80s… in actuality the percentage that do so, isn’t all that high (it is however much higher for women)

    That said,

    I don’t want to turn you off TTC entirely…

    Just want to let you know that your Hubby will most likely be less and less involved with things that need doing as he ages

    By 60 he might not have the stamina to do stuff with a 10 year old, and by 65 not the patience or interest to deal with a teenager

    So a lot more is going to fall on you

    (Worse yet if you are having to deal with kids, teens, your aging parents & hubby… more so if anyone is sickly)

    Then there is the element of expenses.

    Mr TTR is in his 60s and semi retired.  We are trying to transition towards his retiring completely now, but the whole scenario of giving up a significant income is down right FRIGHTENING… and in our case there is just the 2 of us.

    Wouldn’t want to be sitting where we are now, with say 4 kids (kids are expensive in general) and potentially 4 college tuitions in the plans.

    In my first marriage… we went thru that cycle in our 40s… and at least at that point in time we were both working full time, and making good money.  We were able to save for some of it in advance, budget our way thru the rest… and get back on track with our savings long before retirement would have hit (another 10 or so years down the road, when we wouldn’t have had any significant bills… no kids at home, no college tuition, no mortgage etc)

    All stuff to think about IMO

    As I said, I don’t want to scare you off TTC entirely…

    BUT if I was in your shoes, I’d certainly want to think long and hard about adding another child into the mix at this point in time.

    Hope this helps (some)

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Having kids in his 50s kept my grandfather young.  He just turned 80 and he looks like he’s 65.

    The only thing you need to realize is that by having another child you and your FI will be spending the next 18 years raising a child together.  When your older children become adults and move out there will still be another child to raise.  So instead of spending time alone as couple in his early golden years, you will be spending it raising a child together.  If you’re both okay with that then I don’t see anything wrong with it.

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    7568 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I’m sure you’ve thought about this but since you didn’t mention it in your post – are you guys comfortable spending your last years together raising children? Do you feel like your future child would have a good relationship with his/her father?

    He would be 70+ by the time a new baby would graduate high school. It seems like you might miss out on a lot of great years – both on the part of your future child and on the part of your FI. 

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1024 posts
    Bumble bee

    You should discuss your age-related concerns with your FI. Sure, he might be in his 70s when your theoretical child graduates high school, but as long as you are both on the same page, it’s not necessarily bad.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5756 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My brother has 3 boys…29,28 and 19…and he’s 64. When all his friends are already retired, he doesn’t see it for himself for many more years yet. My SIL is 12 years younger.

    They both go to the gym 3-4 times a week and are good shape~however, my brother, always an athlete, also has developed some physical limitations and his patience level is about zero anymore. He’s a PT and knows the body, and it just isn’t what he thought it would be no matter how active he’s remained. People just plain slow down and wear out.

    I feel the same way, and don’t for a minute believe that ‘age is just a number’. I might have felt that 20+ years ago, but life has proven otherwise.

    Knowing what I know now (and in my 50’s), I couldn’t imagine bringing a new child into our lives and doing it all over again. Grandchildren? Yes. My own? NO way.

    I’d think long and hard about it, to be honest.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1096 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My dad was 49 when I was born and retired when I was 11. I loved it. I got to spend so much more time with him than any of my siblings and he was much more relaxed about life in general when I was growing up than when he was raising my siblings. Although he was older and didn’t have a ton if energy he still taught me to play tee ball and ride a bike and all the other things fathers teach daughters. He and I had a relationship that nobody else did. My brother left the house when I was 5 and my half sisters had already moved out when I was born. Yes, I could have definitely used some more discipline and more involvement in my whereabouts and things like that but overall I turned into a self-sufficient, independent woman and wouldn’t have beea the same person if he hasn’t raised me the way he had. He died 12 days after my 21st birthday from a 2 year fight against leukemia. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    12259 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would be a little worried about genetic problems!

    Sperm quality in men takes a nosedive around 43.

    That being said, I work in childcare, and there’s a dad at my center who’s 56, his wife is 36, and their two kids are 2 and 4! He seems to be doing fine with it!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    My stepdad (been in my life since I was 3years old) will be turning 60 this year. My mom is 49.  So he’s about 10.5 years older than she is. My little brothers will be 10 and 14 this year. I thought they were nuts having the last kid at age 39 and 50. Just because I knew health risks increase with age during pregnany. And of course the last one was kinda rough on my mom. Plus I was already in college, lol. Although my dad will be 60…I think the two boys have helped keep him younger. He still works full time but plans on retiring in next couple of years. I can tell you that raising them is different then how I was raised. My dad seems more laid back…but it could be because I was a girl. Because he is older they are financially secure if something were to happen to my dad…they will be taken care of. But if something happens to both of them…I am then responsible to take care of my little brothers. Just remember to have everything setup for the what-ifs if you plan on having babies later in life.

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