Post # 1
My engagement had been a long one. We got engaged on 01/29/2011 just over a year now and my wedding is on 9/9/2012. I booked my venue on 4/6/2011 for almost a year now I let friends and family up in new York know the date. (wedding is in florida and I live there) right after I booked my venue I mailed a card with a hand written note asking to be my bridesmaid that card even had my wedding date on it with my wedding website that was back in April 2011. She Responds by saying I just moved and can’t afford to be a bridesmaid but I will love to come to the wedding I was surprised by her quick response and was kinda hoping she would try to save and be a bridesmaid, since our other friend is one of my bridesmaids.
Fast forward to yesterday I mailed out my save the date magnets and she tells me she got it via a private message on Facebook. Also in that message she says she cannot make to to my wedding because she has taken all of her days off for the year!! It’s only feburary WTH. I am def annoyed with that sorta crappy excuse and that she sent that over a Facebook message.
Yeah turned down twice and totally bummed
Post # 3
I’m so sorry this is happening to you! I truly think that it sounds like it’s just a matter of money, not a personal thing. I agree that your friend could try to save to have enough money to be a bridesmaid, but in truth, we don’t know her financial situation. I think it’s actually really admirable that she told you upfront that she can’t afford it. It would be worse if she agreed to be one and then later realized she couldn’t afford it.
Money is really tight right now for a lot of people. I’m a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding this summer, and while I can afford that one, I know I wouldn’t be able to take on another.
In terms of letting you know via FB that she already used her vacation time…that’s pretty crummy. That’s the whole point of save-the-dates, especially when she’s a close enough friend that you asked her to be a bridesmaid. I’m sorry hun!
Post # 4
That sucks. 🙁
I had a friend tell me right after I picked the date that she probably wouldn’t be able to come. I was kind of upset at the reason, until I talked it over with Fiance and he pointed out that some people were just going to make the decision not to come, and that was OK. And once he said that, I realized he’s right. There’s more going on in other people’s lives.
It would have been nice of her to handle it in a way that didn’t involve FB, though, since you guys are close enough where she could have been your bridesmaid. Is that her way of avoiding confrontation, maybe?
Post # 5
@lpisanelli: I’m so sorry. Who knows what is going on with her. While it is nice that she is responding, it’s a shame she is doing so without much understanding of how much you appreciate her, and her being there. Clearly, she has her own agenda, and that’s fine, but when friends we consider close don’t place any importance on our wedding day, and dismiss it so readily, it hurts. She sure is quick with the excuses. A little warmth here would go a long way.
I had a friend who acted similarly and worse, being wishy-washy about whether she could even be there on the wedding day, not liking how I asked her to be a bridesmaid and then not responding to my checking in with her about it, asking for accommodations to be made for her that weren’t made for anyone else, ignoring what was offered to her, and finally at the last minute, after the RSVP deadline, saying she couldn’t make it. I found out she lied about why. It became clear to me that we had grown apart and the wedding was just a catalyst.
It’s up to you if you deem it necessary to get to the bottom of it with her in terms of your friendship, above and beyond the wedding, but don’t let it overshadow your plans and happiness. You can always wait until after the wedding to ask her what’s up, or just let it go.