Turned Down/Child Support :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Either way he’s got to pay the money. I don’t see how waiting 4-8 years affects that. Lots of people marry despite negative financial situations. I find it puzzling that you’d consider not marrying him over $10k.

Post # 4
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

if he was the man of my dreams and i love him. i would help pay his back childsupport -the faster that is paid off the faster we can be able to do the next step in life, the life adventures would not be on hold….

Post # 5
Member
12998 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I guess I dont understand either.  If you’re commited to this man whether you’re married or not… what’s wrong with the commitment to get engaged.  You can go on trips without him as you have married or not.  Getting married doesn’t and shouldn’t change anything imo.  It’s not like marriage is some magic wand where everything should be perfect and he can go with you.  If you have to wait however many years to pay it off the child support and he can travel with you, married or not, that wait time is the same. If he’s the ONE, and you want to get married, I woudln’t let something like this stop it ifyou have truely decided youre commited to this relationship.

Post # 7
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@asianyoushi:  Agree.  I would reconsider, after all, he has 7 more years of child support payments until she’s 18 anyway.  Most people spend way more than 10K on their wedding.  And if your SO wants to have children with you, (and you with him) then why wait.  

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@8ozdragon:  I’m amazed by these replies!

There is no WAY I would marry a man who owes 10K in child support!

That’s not a student loan debt–that’s money he owes his kids, and he can’t even get a car insurance payout (in the state of Massachusetts, anyway) while having it!

I think you are SO smart, and SO brave, and so STRONG for making your decision.

You have your hopes and dreams clear, and you understand that he can’t be a part of those things until he pays down those child support debts!

I think that is a PERFECT reason to hold off on engagement!

Post # 10
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@8ozdragon:  I think you’re being more than reasonable. You’ve been upfront about what you want, plus you’re willing to wait for him… that’s more than a lot of people would do. Why do you think you were being unreasonable? Because he was “devistated” by the fact you won’t marry him until his finances are sorted? That may not actually have to do with you… it might be more of an issue with pride. He prides himself on being a good father, he ran into some tough times… it’s a blow to his ego, and even though he’s trying to make it better, it’s probably going to be a sore spot for a long time. 

Post # 11
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@8ozdragon:  I agree with BrandNewBride. I’m amazed at some of the replies, too. I’d also wait for the child support to be paid off. :/

Post # 12
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If he really wanted to be with you, I feel like this would motivate him to budget, do whatever it takes, to pay that money… and it’s money his little girl rightfully deserves. He shouldn’t be upset, he should take responsibility for this!

Post # 13
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@8ozdragon:  It sounds to me like the real reason, then, is he doesn’t earn enough money. Or that he’s irresponsible with his money. Which is fine, we don’t want to be married to someone who drags us back.

p.s. Who moved out of state, him or the mother? I find something wrong with a dad who moves out of state and doesn’t visit his daughter. “hasn’t had the best of luck” isn’t an excuse.

Post # 15
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly? Don’t be so worried about him not getting a passport, get worried about him not being a constant presence in his daughter’s life. This could be the man that fathers your kids one day. “·He calls her often, sends her chirstmas and birthday gifts, and gifts “just because·”

How often does he actually see her? Why isn’t he paying back?

Post # 16
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@paula1248:  I absolutely agree. But even if the mom moves out of state, an honorable man tries to make a life in the new state where his kid will live.

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