- 5 years ago
HI Everyone, just looking for a little reasurance!
My boyfriend of 3 years has recently been bringing up marriage and wanted to know where I stood on the matter. Needless to say that I was very excited! I love this man to pieces! We are best friends and care for each other dearly.
The downside is that he owes backpay to the Child Support System. He moved from one state to another with a job lined up that fell through. He went unemployeed for a little over a year in the state of CA and now owes at least $10k in Child Support. All of this was well before I ever knew him. He has a good job now so the child support is taken directly from his checks. It is commenly known that if you owe backpay for Child Support you CANNOT get a passport.
This is my issue. I love to travel. It’s my life. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve wanted nothing more then to see the world. And I have. I’ve been to Korea, Japan, Africa, Hawaii, Alaska, Guam, Canada, etc etc….its a long list. I have been outside of the country once since we have been together. A childhood friend and I went to Cape Hope to shark dive, something we’ve always talked about. We are huge shark nerds (GO SHARK WEEK!). It broke my heart to leave him behind but he knew that I was fulfilling a long time dream of mine. I’ve also always dreamed over having a husband who would be able to share in my adventures. If I choose to marry I want my husband to be able to go where I go, or at least have the choice. My boyfriend also has dreams of travel, I know this because he always talks about how he wants to celebrate his 40th birthday in Ireland (he’s 34).
We are honest with each other, about everything. I told him that if he proposed to me before paying what he owed in Child Support that he would basically be forcing my hand in saying “NO”. I DO NOT want to have to do that, so I’m happy I told him before he popped the question.
He was devistated. The child support thing is a tough subject for him beacuse he loves his daughter (who is 11). He calls her often, sends her chirstmas and birthday gifts, and gifts “just because”. When he lived in the same state as her he had her for the weekends etc. He’s a good dad. He isnt a dirt bag that doesnt pay for his kids, he just hasnt had the best of luck in life.
I’m just not sure if I made the right choice with myself on this one. I mean, he knows I’m not going anywhere, all I have is time – and thats what I told him. If I have to wait 4, 6, 8 years to marry him just to pay off what he owes I believe that I’m willing to do that. I would rather have him put $10k towards the Child Support then a ring/wedding/honeymoon.
He is 34 and I am 26. I know that most men at that age are looking forward to getting married and getting their lives in order. But I guess I just need to know that he can devote himself entirely to our lives together and not be held back by anything.
Am I being unreasonable?