Post # 1
I have a situation I wanted to get some opinions on. My MIL has been asking for the spreadsheet I made with everyone’s information and gifts so that she can “acknowledge” their gifts to us when she sees them. Honestly this really kind of bothers me and feels very invasive. To me, gifts are a private matter between the giver and receiver. I also don’t want to have to go through and cull out everything from my family and friends since that definitely isn’t her business (the list is fairly long – 3 showers, 2 receptions). Is sharing this information normal in some circles? I think I would feel a little less uncomfortable with this if it is normal behavior and not some weird privacy invasion. Thanks!
Post # 3
@Ribbit: My MIL asked for this also. I wasnt too bothered by it. She just wanted to know so that she knows how to gift others when there time comes around (her family members) So I understood where she was coming from. Maybe just give her a list of what her family and friends gave and exclude the gifts from your friends and family
Post # 4
I would never ask for that! (even from my daughter and I am a pretty nosy person!) It’s none of her business! She doesn’t need to “acknowledge” YOUR gifts, you and your DH do…. Just keep brushing her off. Ugh!
Post # 5
Seriously, seems a little invasive. Maybe it’s the norm for her but if it makes you uncomfortable, just say that everyone got a thank you card, it’s taken care of. Why does she need to acknowledge gifts given to you and your spouse?
Post # 6
@Ribbit: It seems like a little odd request but do you think that she’ll do anything weird with the info other than say thank you to the people that sent gifts? If not, than give it to her. It doesn’t seem big enough to make something out of it unless she’s the type to shame people or gossip about their gifts. In that case I wouldn’t give it to her.
Some mothers like to say “Oh, my son uses that coffee grinder set you gave at the wedding every day” in polite conversation. She proably knows the people on his side of the family more intimately that you do.
There is nothing wrong with people being thanked twice if thats her intent.
Post # 7
It does sound a little wierd.
Post # 8
i would find it strange if my MIL asked me for this. espeically just to acknowledge a gift. that is what the thank you note from the couple is for.
but my mother did ask me if i would share with her what her friends give me for my wedding. i told her i would tell her. she wants to know if what she’s spent on them all these years to their kids wedding is comparable to what they are giving back.
Post # 9
That sounds extremely odd, I dont think my own mother would ask for that. Be honest and tell her you do not feel comfortable sharing those details with her without the gift givers permission.
Post # 10
@Ribbit: Same, exact, thing happened to me! I made a thread about it…there is some good advice on it if you want to check it out.
Post # 11
Thanks for all the input! I don’t think she’ll do anything weird with it (hopefully, his family gossips a lot) but it really rubs me the wrong way especially since I already sent out thank you cards. I’ll probably end up just sending it to her since I don’t want to make a big deal out of it even though I don’t like it all. Overall I’m a private person so this is really grating on me but it sounds like I need to let it go if I don’t want to take a stand on it.
Post # 12
@Ribbit: ya my IL’s asked us “how much we made at the wedding” the morning we woke up after the wedding…. im like ahhhhhh a) we havent even THOUGHT about opening gifts yet….we just woke up for gods sakes…and b) its none of your damn business!
I know they are only specifically interested in what their friends gave…because in their culture its now “payback” for all the money they have give their friends kids when they got married. i still dont feel comfortable giving specifics. Tonight is actually the first time we’re going to be spending dinner with them since the wedding so I know its gonna come up.
My FIL is oging to shit a brick if/when he finds out 2 of the couples he INSISTED on inviting didnt even give us so much as a card LMAO
Post # 13
@Ribbit: Never ever heard of sharing a gift list before, and I feel like people would be incredibly uncomfortable to know you told your MIL what they gave. I would kindly tell her that you will be sending personal thank you notes, and would prefer to leave the gift list private.