- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
This may sound absurd that I’m upset over something he did before we were married, engaged or even seriously dating…but I’m hurt because the lie carried into our marriage and now I feel strange about it all.
So…I found out DH dated his best friends sister while we were split up, this was more than 10 years ago. Now, this alone is no crime…I mean he was single, …etc….however I”m hurt that he’s lied to me about it this whole time. I’ve always suspected he dated one of his best freinds sisters because of how they act around me. I mean these are girls I see all the time, I’ve hung out with them, ate with them…celebrated with them…and allt hew hile I had no idea one of them used to sleep with my now husband…and apparently he didn’t have the guts to ever tell me about it.
The thing is I knew…but I didn’t want to think he’d lie to me. I even asked him once that it seems like he must have dated her, judging by a few pictures he keeps of her and judging by a comment she made to me when we got engaged…she said something along the lines of “I am so happy for you guys, I really want you to know that…really, I mean it”…I mean it was very suggestive of a…hey happy for ytou despite our history kind of comment. When I told him about that he said he had no idea what she meant by it, that he kept pictures of her because they were close friends at one time….He also gets very mum whenever I discuss ex’s.
Fast forward after marriage, after all these years together..I ran across a photo of DH holdiing hands with her. I can date hte photo based on a tatoo and can tell it was taken while he and I broke up. I confronted him without saying I had seen the photo, I told him I wanted the truth and that I’m his wife and we sholdn’t have secrets. He admitted that he dated her, that they had a full on fling after he and I broke up (we had only been together maybe 6 months at that time) and that he initially kept it a secret because the truth was that he broke up with me to date her…and he thought it would hurt me to know that (yeah, probably)….and that the first time he lied about it well after we got back together….he’s not sure why he did, he regreted it as soon as he did….and that the lie continued into our engagement and marriiage bcause it was a preexisting lie.
I was very upset that he would keep a secret liek this about him and someone who is sitll in our lives, who we see all the time. I cried, he apologized, asked me to forgive him, said there are no more secrets and there would be no more. He said he felt as though a weight had been lifted now that the truth is known.
I still feel raw about it. I still don’t know what to do with all her commetn sand likes that I see on FB. I know he married ME…..and that anything he did before doesn’t matter, but I’m still hurt about the lying.
Am I wrong to feel this way?