Turns out DH used to date his best friend's sister and he lied about it.

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SamanthaBolero:  no you aren’t wrong. At first, reading the tittle, I presumed you overreacted but you are definitely justified. 

Especially since he broke up with you to be with her. Why did he keep all the pictures? Why did things end between them? 

His behavior is strange.

Post # 4
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, you aren’t wrong. Being lied to just sucks (I have no better words) – I would feel hurt and disrespsected and angry that they had kept this little secret for so long.

 

@Sunnyinct:  +1, why does he still have the pictures? That would bother me, especially after finding out that she just isn’t a friend – she is an ex! I agree his behavior is a little strange.

Post # 5
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

@Sunnyinct:  I was wondering the same thing, the fact that he still has pictures of them seems stranger to me than anything else. 

 

Although it understandably hurts, it also seems like he got himself into the lying situation with good intentions. He did it the first time to avoid hurting you and at that point kind of tied himself in a knot and didn’t have anything else to do but keep it up. When you get to that point, there really isn’t a good time to say hey, I’ve been lying. 

 

It sounds like the conversation may be over, but you could always tell him that you appreciate that he was trying to ‘protect you’ but in the future you’d rather have a bit of immediate hurt than years of wondering. Explain that you’d always rather have the truth to work through at that moment. 

ETA – I also meant to say I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it seems like it may do you guys good in the long run by opening new communication. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CoCoCourtney:  maybe I over think things, but I would want to know the following: 

why did they break up? 

who ended the relationship?

 

Post # 7
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would be hurt about the lying too.

But I think he gets a pass. He owned up to it, he apologized and its in the past. What else would you like him to do at this point?   The other details of their relationship doesnt matter. People have past relationships and this one is not affecting your current relationship. Only his lie did and I can honestly see why he initially lied to you. Not that it was right. Its not something underhanded.

Take a day to be angry, then get over it. It wont help you or your relationship to dwell on it. But make it clear to him that you wont tolerate lies and you understand this is an old lie that more or less was meaningless in the end, but it still hurts you. But you cant continue to punish him forever.

And what do you mean “do with all the comments” unless they are inappropriate you dont need to do anything. People can have civil relationships post a romantic one.

 

Post # 8
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Oh lordy I would be upset as well! You have every right to be. I am sure you will eventually get past this but your feelings are justified.

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

“and that he initially kept it a secret because the truth was that he broke up with me to date her…and he thought it would hurt me to know that”

Um, WOAH. WOAH! I have a HUGE issue with that. I hope he broke up with her (realizing how much better you are!)

Post # 10
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you are entitled to feel any way you do, but honestly, is it that big of a deal?

as Ross said to Rachel, “We were on a break.”

you are married now, happily I assume.  why let something that happened 10 years ago bother you now.  enjoy being married and what the future will bring.

Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SamanthaBolero:  You are not wrong for feeling like that. I am sorry you were hurt like that. you guys need to wean away from her.  he Needs to destory pictures of her (what is he holding on to it for?) That should be a question, does he have feelings for her still? He should unfriend her on Facebook. My husband and I are not friends with exs  just to ensure the other one feels comfortable. If one tries to befriend my husband he tells me and declines. Oh well it feelings get hurt. We are kinda old school, “anything to protect your marriage”. He wouldnt be allowed around her alone and celebrating with her would be out. He made a choice to lie and hide it and it comes with consequences…. 

Post # 12
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah I would be pissed, but it is out in the open now and everyone has already moved on apparently.  If anyone should feel weird, it is those two, not you.  Cry your tears & let it out.  But then one day you will for sure have to get past it all.  You are being very rational about it already, honestly.  Hugs.

Post # 13
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ajillity81:  + a few hundred.

 

Of course your upset OP and have every right to be. But remember. He loves you, he married you. She is his past, and not a good enough one to want to keep close. I wouldnt worry about the pictures unless they are hidden deliberatly so you cant see them, or he has them on dispay in his bed side cabinet, he is probably unaware that he has them, and hasnt looked at them since they were taken.

Feel bad for a while, your entitled, then enjoy your life and forget about it.

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

men can be so stupid.  most of the time the truth isn’t bad yet they decide we’d be better off hearing a lie… Then when we find out they lie its a much bigger problem because if they can lie about this, what else are they lieing about!?  if there’s any men reading this… don’t lie to your woman !!!  

Post # 15
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I agree with PPs in that you have every right to be hurt especially after finding out he broke up with you to date her. I don’t necessarily think it is something I would consider splitting up over, but it would take me a little time to get over. 

As @Sunnyinct mentioned, I would want to know who ended their relationship and why. It might hurt more to find out the answers but I would need to know. In addition, what is their relationship like now? How do they act when they are around each other? obviously he married you but I would need the extra reassurance that he no longer has feelings for her. 

Post # 16
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I completely agree that you have every right to be upset. I would definitely be upset and I would be asking a lot of questions. In my opinion, wondering is way worse than hearing the truth. My imagination always seems to make things worse.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors