I should probably start off by saying that I'm 25 and will be 26 in July, so I'm not a really young bride or anything. But I think the fact that hearing '22' by Taylor Swift in a shop was what brought this little age crisis on, I am most definitely still a fickle girl in her twenties.
When I see girls on these boards who are 19-22 I'm sort of shocked. I mean I believe that people who get married that young can absolutely have long and happy marriages, but everything I was so certain of at that age has changed. I thought I was so responsible and together, but I wasn't. I thought I was super emotionally mature, but I wasn't. And I'm just sort of worried that I'm still like that at 25 but I just don't see it, the same way I didn't see it at 19.
There's a little part of me that's sometimes like 'getting married in your twenties? Are you insane? You're in your twenties! don't settle down! Career change! You like Paris? Go live in Paris! Or New York! Or India! INNNNDDDDIIIAAAAAA!!!!!' And it's not even that I really want that. Well, I do but I want other things too. But people (and advertising) keep telling me that your twenties is a time for being lost and free and all of that jazz, so what am I doing settling down?
Does anyone else feel like this? Or could at least tell me I'm cray and to go to sleep?
I'm 24. I'll be 26 when we are married. Fi is currently 22, he'll be 24.
I don't ever feel like we're too young. But we've been out on our own for so long, it feels like we're both super old.
I guess it depends on maturity level, really. I do know a few 25+ people that should not be getting married anytime soon. They have no sense of repsonsibility at all.
:D We'll both be 25 and it's just about perfect for us. I think any younger and I wouldn't have been sure, but 25 is like... the beginning of what I see as "safe" age to get married. (For me... not for other people, everyone's got their own right time.)
I'm 22, FI is 21 and there is absolutely nothing stopping us from changing our careers, or moving to India. Just because we're getting married and 'settling down with eachother' in that sense, does not mean that our lives are settling down. We can do whatever we want, when we want, how we want to. Marriage isn't the end of the road for us.
I'm currently studying a teaching degree and working, while FI is Head Chef of a restaurant in the city. We're mature, capable and know what we want. Once I've finished studying we're moving back to my home country (England) for a couple of years, then we're going to do a stint in Australia, before coming back to New Zealand.
I'm doing everything I would have been doing if I was single, and so is he. I'm just lucky that I've got my best friend coming along for the ride.
I am a super young bride (i'll be 21 this a year), but I don't really feel like i'm too young. I've always been an old soul, and I did grow up very early. I know lots of people say that, but i've been independent (as in I moved out, got a job, paid my bills ect) since I was 16, I really DID grow up early. Don't get me wrong, I still have some maturing to do, but people are constantly changing, there is no point where you're done, and FI and I have been together for over 5 years, I feel like I know him well enough, and know US well enough as a couple, to know that we're ready. Plus, in the last 5 years ee have changed a lot, we're even stronger now than when we first got together. We pretty much are married, nothing will change in our day to day lives once we are married and we've been living like this for around 4 years, so i'm pretty sure we're as ready as ever.
Besides that, I have other responsibilities that won't allow me to go and live in some far off land, even if I DID want to. I'd never willingly leave my horses. Marriage doesn't stop you from having adventures, you have them together. Just like it doesn't stop you from growing, you grow together.
Yes, I feel this way. I met my fiance when I was 23, he was 28. He had lived all over the world at that point..me, not so much. I wish I had more time on my own because I TOTALLY get wanting to do crazy things in your twenties, but it's okay. I'm ready for the adventure of children.
@BridieBea: Haha I've been thinking lately that 27 would be a great age to get married (currently 25). I completely emphatize with you though, it's a big step so it's hard not to have a "Oh god what am I doing?" moment here and there. The first 5 years of my 20s has been a very humbling experience in terms of what I thought I knew about the world and myself. Probably still going to look back on this in 5 years and think I was a bit dumb but at this point I feel confident in making this commitment.
That said, I do feel like 25 is a good age even if it's on the absolute low end of when I saw myself getting married. At this point I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what I want out of the rest of my 20s and being married is compatible with these goals. At times though I wish I had truly lived on my own for awhile and spent more time independent. The fact that my family tends to marry in the late 20s/early 30s makes me feel like a young outlier.
Jack and I were discussing this the other day. We're 25/26 and have been together for 5 years almost, and already live together, so getting married isn't really going to be a 'life changing' thing for us.
We're not viewing marriage as 'settling down'. It isn't the end of our youth, but rather the start of something more exciting for us. We're going to travel, see the world, do amazing things and THEN become 'adults' when it's time to start a family - but then still that will just be the start of yet another exciting time in our lives.
Age is just a number, and marriage isn't a ball and chain. Even with a ring on your finger, your world of possibilites is endless
@littlemisssally: @Miss Jackrabbit: I agree. I don't see why everyone thinks that marriage is basically the end of your freedom. FI and I can still do what we want. We can travel, I could get a different job (probably won't, because I love my job), whatever! The only thing I could see (maybe) tying us down a bit is if we had kids (which I am NOT planning on for a good, long time).
I'm 21, and I'll be 23 when we're married. I am done with school and am starting my own business which has been consistently growing. FI has a good job and is a few years older than me, and is financially stable. We're at a good place in our lives right now and although age may have something to do with it (a 30 year old is much more likely to have a stable, well-paying job than a 21 year old, obviously), it isn't always the best predictor for whether or not someone is ready to be married.
I understand feeling young though... many people think that getting married before your late 20's is young, but I just remember that my age isn't what matters. Its the maturity and of course, financial stability doesn't hurt. And neither of those things have anything to do with age =)
I'm 26. I got engaged at 24 and that was a little too soon for me, since I was still in school, but now that I'm out and working I'm ready! But then, I'm not really a "crazy wild adventure" type of person and most of the crazy wild adventures I've had have been with my fiance, so I definitely don't see marriage holding us back from that.
If it helps we're a 30 something couple and I wish we had met and married younger. Id have loved to have children in my 20s rather than 30s and dont believe that marriage or children would have stopped us doing anything we want to do. All our adventures are better together than apart.
Ive been paying a mortgage since i was 25, running a business, all the responsibilities of an adult but on my own untill I met my fiance, it would have been more fun with him. I admit some of the backpacking adventure holidays may be difficult with kids, but you just adapt. Its just a shame i didnt meet him earlier. If id been 20, id have married him by 25 with no regrets im sure.
i will be 22 when i get married , and i don't feel too young i have been with my fi since i was 15 .
we arre in love , we trust each other nad we are happy together .
i think we are a lot more mature than our frinds and are not the type to go out and party and if we do then we go out togther so i dont feel like im missing out on much :)
I totally get what you're saying, sometimes I get the feeling I am only "playing house" haha.
almost all of my close friends are in long term relationships, with a few engaged and married and we've often talked about how we wish we could have met our SOs later in life, so we could experience some of those things that we never had a chance, or less time to enjoy. And I do look at my single friends at times and think, oh how nice it would be to not have to think about anyone else but me today! lolBut on the flip side, I personally don't think I would be the person I am today if it weren't, in part, for my SO. I believe things happen for a reason, so if you've found "the one" I'd hold on!
I met my fiance at 23 and will be 26 when we get married. I worried about this question when we first started dating, as I'd just come back to the States after doing a solo trip to Japan. I was not quite done with crazy adventures and planned to try out a few cities, a few new jobs and situations...essentially, just figure out my next phase in life. Then I casually reunited with a friend I hadn't seen in years and the sparks flew. I could tell if we kept heading down the track we were on, this relationship would be It, The One, Your Single Life Is Over. Was I ready to give up the power to pick up and leave, follow my dreams, yadda yadda? Had I figured myself out enough to make that kind of commitment?
Well...here we are nearly three years later. Since our first date, I've lived in 3 huge cities, gone through 5 job situations, tried 4 sports and have more awesome people in my life than ever. It's true, my future hasn't gone the way I planned as a Single Gal - it's better than I pictured, single or not. Realizing that was the best day. (Like, "Yup, I found the world's best teammate and I am locking that shit down FOR LIFE, let's make pancakes!" AMAZING day.)
Thanks for letting me gush. So, yes, I have felt like this. But my advice is, screw anyone else's timeline; if you know it's right, it's right. To use a ballet metaphor (one of the 4 to get back into...) No matter when they come onstage, if you find the perfect partner - you must DANCE! :)
I'll be 22, but I've been independent from my parents since I was 16 and even before then I took care of myself most of the time (in a good way, parents are city workers and I joined an academy- I didnt run away or anything!). My fiance is going to be 30 and we'll have just bought our house, money is good and we are so right.
I didnt envisage getting married this young- or at all for that matter- but you don't really have control over when the right time is
@BridieBea: I get where you are coming from. I had a "quarter life crisis" when I was 24/25, asking myself what the hell I was doing being in three long-term relationshps all of my life (age 15-present 26) but I got over all of those feelings maybe six months into being 25. I will turn 27 in July and be married next July a week before I turn 28. Now I am feeling like I wish I had been able to get married a little younger because I feel like I have to conceive SOON after I am married lol. Your feelings will keep changing, so don't worry about the way you feel now. You might feel differently in a few months. And you can go visit Paris and India and still move there even if you are married. Married people change lifestyle's and move across the world all of the time! And look at it this way, you'll ALWAYS have a partner to see the world with forever. :)
I am almost 23 now, will be almost 25 when we get married. At the moment I don't feel too young, the wedding is still 2 years away though, so possiibly when it gets closer I may feel really young, thinking 'oh wow this is happening, but I am still so young!'
Not at all! I started dating FI when I was 16, got engaged at the age of 20, am almost 22 now and will be 24 when we get married. If I could get married tomorrow I would!!
I guess it depends on your perspective and your views on marriage. FI and I don't see marriage as settling down, staying at home forever and becoming parents who work, look after the kids, and then go to bed and read our books and THAT'S it. A lot of people some how have the idea that life ends after marriage, and that all you have to look forward to is babies and retirement. Marriage shouldn't be the end of freedom or individuality.
I'm looking forward to getting married, and then travelling the world, having some 'us' time, and then having some kids. I've had a few people say "You're too young" or "Don't you want to live a bit first" If they're implying that I should go out, do drugs, drink, sleep around and be reckless, nope. I don't want that... I did that when I was a teenager. I think that your teenage years are for experimenting, having bad hangovers and come downs, etc
I've also had a few people question me whether I am sure that I love FI, or he is the one, and how I could be sure seeing as he is the only man I have been with and been in a serious relationship with. I find it so amusing When you know, you know. I'm just lucky that I didn't have to deal with any assholes first that's the way I see it!
I admit I am shocked at how young some of these brides are on here. At 20 years old I would have been traveling solo and learning about life.
@SnurfMurph86: that's what I did & totally agree.
i was the weirdo in the relationship. Husband wanted to get married pronto. After being on my own so long I was shocked when he proposed early 2009. I was 27. I didn't evplaything about planning until a year later. I was 4 months shy of 29 when I married .... I really can not imagine marrying before that and super glad I spent a lot of time with myself before dedicating my life to someone else.
@MissMfutureMrsB: I agree, I would get married tomorrow if we could :)
@deetroitwhat: exactly. I didn't know who the hell I was at age 20. I am just figuring it out somewhat at age 30.
I also get the "playing house" feeling from time to time; sometimes I think I have no business trying to do any of the "adult things" I'm doing. I know that I still have many years ahead of me to live and learn, but at the same time I don't think I'm getting married too young.
FI and I have been dating for 8 years now, living together for almost 4. We've gone through some crap, both on our own as individuals and together as a couple. Not so much in our relationship, but hardships we faced together. I might be different in another 8 years, but I'm certainly different from how I was 8 years ago; we've made it this far, still, and I'm confident we can make it on the road ahead. And that's really why I'm getting married: not because I feel like I have life figured out, but because I trust that he's the one I want by my side while I (we) discover what life is.
@SnurfMurph86: ain't that the truth. That being said I'm happy my 20s are done.
@SnurfMurph86: Just curious - what if you'd met your FI at 20? Would you have risked not being with him just so you could have had some 'alone' time?
I completely agree about changing a lot during your early 20s. I have certainly changed a lot since I was 21. But I met Jack when I was 21 and we've both grown a lot together. Sometimes growing and changing doesn't necessarily mean changing into a different person that your partner will no longer love
@Miss Jackrabbit: I agree. I met FI when we were 17 going on 18, we started dating a year later. Never really wanted alone time in my early 20s, and I am glad I found the right man at a young age :)
@Miss Jackrabbit: we met in high school :-)
Anyway, it matters not what I think. One of the signs of true maturity is being secure enough to not care about other's views on your life choices. Personally it wasn't for me.
@SnurfMurph86: fair enough! :)
@SnurfMurph86: so did we!! And then I moved 1500 miles away.
i know it's hard to explain I get where people are coming from. There's just nothing like being on your own or living with girlfriends. There's a small window for that if you're lucky enough to live a long life, it's something you can never get back or undo.
@deetroitwhat: yup! I guess technically we did risk the relationship. We dated other people, lived in shitty apartments, had crazy roommates. He wanted to get married after graduation, I wanted to go away to school. When we did reconnect it was almost like meeting the 2.0 version of us.
@SnurfMurph86: I love this. Some people just need to grow on their own before growing with someone else. We always talk about how we would 100% not be together today had we been together so young.
im 29 and my wedding is in July and almost got married at 22 to my my ex. i look back now and boy am i glad i didnt get married at 22. i was a bit mature but i think i focused on the wrong things personally.i doubt our marriage would have lasted.
its nice tho that others have found the one in their early 20s.
I'm 22, I'll be 23 at the wedding (by four days). FI is 27 (he turns 28 three days after the wedding... our birthdays are exactly one week apart)
I feel totally comfortable getting married at 23, but my adulthood started early. I got kicked out of the house at 17, went to college for a year, moved in with my abusive ex, worked full time on the overnights while going to school full time during the day for two years, then finally left the BF and the overnight job and started online college.
I met FI six months later, and we've been together for about two years.
Since I've been working full time for the last 4 years, I don't feel like a 22 year old... I feel like a 26 year old! (when most people get out of college + 4 years working full-time)
It's not necessarily that I think marriage has to be about settling down in a suburb with a white picket fence or anything, I just mean that a marriage takes a lot of work, you know? And before, my FI was just my boyfriend but now it's like we're going to be a team for the rest of our lives and we'll share everything. I think the fact that I can't put myself first all of the time and that I will always have another person to consider just kind of hit me and it was like...wow.
I feel sort of like I'm missing out on the chance to be young and selfish, but at the same time I know that this is what I want. It also kind of floors me that some girls on these boards-who are my age- have been married for 5+ years!
@Miss Jackrabbit: I agree with what you're saying and it's nice to see that some people do grow together and have a happy, helathy relationship. But if I had married the guy I had starry eyes for in my early twenties I'd definitely be divorced/in an unhappy marriage by now. Though that's mostly because I was a silly little girl who just wanted to have 'experiences' at that age.
I think a big factor is how grounded you are, because I was way to frivolous and flighty to make a marriage work back then. But I know some people can and it's nice to hear from one.
I think that personally I needed growing room.
I don't feel like i'm getting married too young but i feel we are getting married young. I am someone who overthinks alot so i am also thinking about the future and hoping we'll stay together.
FI and i met a 17 and started dating at 19 and now at 27 we are getting married and we've lived together for nearly 4 years. I our circles this is really young and i agree but i think we are ready and whatever happens happens. I try to enjoy our lives and not worry too much.
Despite being together for 8 years already i think this is a good time for us and i am glad we didn't marry at 21.
We started dating when I was 15 (nearly 16). I have noticed that it seems to be a trend for people in my area to start having the 'college experience' in their teens though. I know when I was in my early to mid teens i'd sneak out, get drunk, kiss randoms, smoke weed, go partying every weekend, break into public swimming pools, wag school ect, so I got that out of my system really early. I've noticed it was the same with most people I know and judging by a couple of posts i've read on the bee it seems like maybe it has a lot to do with where you're from? If I hadn't had a chance to be 'wild' when I was a teen then maybe I would feel like these years were the time for all that, but I think since I got it out of my system when I was younger, I know i'm not missing out on anything :) I am really glad I did that, but at the same time, if I wanna go partying, i'll take FI along with me.
Plus, I think since i've been working for 4 years, and living away from my parents it just doesn't seem like i'm 20. If you were to put my life on a timeline and compare it to the average person, I would be much older than I actually am, if that makes sense? I started everything earlier, I had my crazy years early, I started working early, I moved out of home early ect. I dunno, I just feel older than I am. Most 20 year olds are just experiencing all those things now.
I'm 27 and I would have been WAY too young to get married at 19-22. Some people just want to get married, but I wasn't ready for it yet. I was out having fun with friends, going on dates, going to college, and simply not ready to be settled down yet. I was still growing emotionally too.
I started dating FI when I was 22, but I definitely wasn't ready to marry him yet, and it would have been a disaster if we had gotten married immediately after meeting. We are also one of those who "just knew" but we also "just knew" that we weren't ready to get married yet.
My older sister got married when she was 19 and she is still with her husband 10 years later, but has told me that if she was to do it again, she wouldn't have gotten married so young. She would have also had fun and freedom in her twenties.
I think it depends on the person but in my personal opinion, 19-22 is too young. Honestly, even 27 is kind of on the young end.
P.S. Sometimes Taylor Swift is right :)
Yeah I totally feel like I am too young sometimes. My FI and I are 26 and 27 and will be 27 and 28 before our wedding. So basically not young at all, and we have been together for 5 years and living together for 3. We just happen to be among the first of our friends to get married becuase of the community that we live in, so I feel a little bit freaked out and too adult. That being said, one of my friends just bought a house with her husband and that was way weirder for all of us. NYC is so strange that way.
I don't think I'm too young at all... but I'll be 29 so it's kind of different to being 19. I have a great job and a promising career, own property, have lived alone, can take care of myself, all that stuff. So I'm not a 22 year old with a lot to learn. I've been through my share of ups and downs, I was married at 22 and divorced not even 3 years later. I most definitely thought I was too young the first time, I felt like I had so much to experience and I was tying myself down. I finally feel like an adult, I'm comfortable in my own skin and I know what I do and don't need in life and what makes me happy.
For me, "experiencing life" wasn't about backpacking across Europe, sleeping around or partying a lot. It was about maturing emotionally, standing on my own two feet, learning who I really am as a person, being able to take care of myself and being happy with the adult I'm becoming. That process didn't start for me until towards the end of my marriage and that's when I realised I needed and wanted to be alone. I learned so much about myself and grew up an incredible amount during that time and I would never trade that for anything.
ETA: My parents got married at 20 and 22 (after 6 months of dating) and just celebrated 30 years together and are happy. Getting married young doesn't always end badly!
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