Twenty Somethings – Ever feel like you're getting married too young?

posted 1 year ago in 20 Something
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m 24. I’ll be 26 when we are married. Fi is currently 22, he’ll be 24.

I don’t ever feel like we’re too young. But we’ve been out on our own for so long, it feels like we’re both super old.

I guess it depends on maturity level, really. I do know a few 25+ people that should not be getting married anytime soon. They have no sense of repsonsibility at all.

Member
4693 posts
Honey bee

:D We’ll both be 25 and it’s just about perfect for us. I think any younger and I wouldn’t have been sure, but 25 is like… the beginning of what I see as “safe” age to get married. (For me… not for other people, everyone’s got their own right time.)

Member
262 posts
Helper bee

I’m 22, FI is 21 and there is absolutely nothing stopping us from changing our careers, or moving to India. Just because we’re getting married and ‘settling down with eachother’ in that sense, does not mean that our lives are settling down. We can do whatever we want, when we want, how we want to. Marriage isn’t the end of the road for us.

I’m currently studying a teaching degree and working, while FI is Head Chef of a restaurant in the city. We’re mature, capable and know what we want. Once I’ve finished studying we’re moving back to my home country (England) for a couple of years, then we’re going to do a stint in Australia, before coming back to New Zealand.

I’m doing everything I would have been doing if I was single, and so is he. I’m just lucky that I’ve got my best friend coming along for the ride.

Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee

I am a super young bride (i’ll be 21 this a year), but I don’t really feel like i’m too young. I’ve always been an old soul, and I did grow up very early. I know lots of people say that, but i’ve been independent (as in I moved out, got a job, paid my bills ect) since I was 16, I really DID grow up early. Don’t get me wrong, I still have some maturing to do, but people are constantly changing, there is no point where you’re done, and FI and I have been together for over 5 years, I feel like I know him well enough, and know US well enough as a couple, to know that we’re ready. Plus, in the last 5 years ee have changed a lot, we’re even stronger now than when we first got together. We pretty much are married, nothing will change in our day to day lives once we are married and we’ve been living like this for around 4 years, so i’m pretty sure we’re as ready as ever.

Besides that, I have other responsibilities that won’t allow me to go and live in some far off land, even if I DID want to. I’d never willingly leave my horses. Marriage doesn’t stop you from having adventures, you have them together. Just like it doesn’t stop you from growing, you grow together.

Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, I feel this way. I met my fiance when I was 23, he was 28. He had lived all over the world at that point..me, not so much. I wish I had more time on my own because I TOTALLY get wanting to do crazy things in your twenties, but it’s okay. I’m ready for the adventure of children.

Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

@BridieBea:  Haha I’ve been thinking lately that 27 would be a great age to get married (currently 25). I completely emphatize with you though, it’s a big step so it’s hard not to have a “Oh god what am I doing?” moment here and there. The first 5 years of my 20s has been a very humbling experience in terms of what I thought I knew about the world and myself. Probably still going to look back on this in 5 years and think I was a bit dumb but at this point I feel confident in making this commitment. 

That said, I do feel like 25 is a good age even if it’s on the absolute low end of when I saw myself getting married. At this point I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what I want out of the rest of my 20s and being married is compatible with these goals. At times though I wish I had truly lived on my own for awhile and spent more time independent. The fact that my family tends to marry in the late 20s/early 30s makes me feel like a young outlier.

Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee

Jack and I were discussing this the other day. We’re 25/26 and have been together for 5 years almost, and already live together, so getting married isn’t really going to be a ‘life changing’ thing for us.

We’re not viewing marriage as ‘settling down’. It isn’t the end of our youth, but rather the start of something more exciting for us. We’re going to travel, see the world, do amazing things and THEN become ‘adults’ when it’s time to start a family – but then still that will just be the start of yet another exciting time in our lives.

Age is just a number, and marriage isn’t a ball and chain. Even with a ring on your finger, your world of possibilites is endless Laughing

Member
724 posts
Busy bee

@littlemisssally:  @Miss Jackrabbit:  I agree. I don’t see why everyone thinks that marriage is basically the end of your freedom. FI and I can still do what we want. We can travel, I could get a different job (probably won’t, because I love my job), whatever! The only thing I could see (maybe) tying us down a bit is if we had kids (which I am NOT planning on for a good, long time).

I’m 21, and I’ll be 23 when we’re married. I am done with school and am starting my own business which has been consistently growing. FI has a good job and is a few years older than me, and is financially stable. We’re at a good place in our lives right now and although age may have something to do with it (a 30 year old is much more likely to have a stable, well-paying job than a 21 year old, obviously), it isn’t always the best predictor for whether or not someone is ready to be married.

I understand feeling young though… many people think that getting married before your late 20′s is young, but I just remember that my age isn’t what matters. Its the maturity and of course, financial stability doesn’t hurt. And neither of those things have anything to do with age =)

Member
1918 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m 26. I got engaged at 24 and that was a little too soon for me, since I was still in school, but now that I’m out and working I’m ready! But then, I’m not really a “crazy wild adventure” type of person and most of the crazy wild adventures I’ve had have been with my fiance, so I definitely don’t see marriage holding us back from that.

Member
723 posts
Busy bee

If it helps we’re a 30 something couple and I wish we had met and married younger. Id have loved to have children in my 20s rather than 30s and dont believe that marriage or children would have stopped us doing anything we want to do. All our adventures are better together than apart.

Ive been paying a mortgage since i was 25, running a business, all the responsibilities of an adult but on my own untill I met my fiance, it would have been more fun with him. I admit some of the backpacking adventure holidays may be difficult with kids, but you just adapt. Its just a shame i didnt meet him earlier. If id been 20, id have married him by 25 with no regrets im sure.

Member
81 posts
Worker bee

i will be 22 when i get married , and i don’t feel too young i have been with my fi since i was 15 .

we arre in love , we trust each other nad we are happy together .

i think we are a lot more mature than our frinds and are not the type to go out and party and if we do then we go out togther so i dont feel like im missing out on much :)  

Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

I totally get what you’re saying, sometimes I get the feeling I am only “playing house” haha.

almost all of my close friends are in long term relationships, with a few engaged and married and we’ve often talked about how we wish we could have met our SOs later in life, so we could experience some of those things that we never had a chance, or less time to enjoy. And I do look at my single friends at times and think, oh how nice it would be to not have to think about anyone else but me today! lolBut on the flip side, I personally don’t think I would be the person I am today if it weren’t, in part, for my SO. I believe things happen for a reason, so if you’ve found “the one” I’d hold on! 

Member
211 posts
Helper bee

I met my fiance at 23 and will be 26 when we get married.  I worried about this question when we first started dating, as I’d just come back to the States after doing a solo trip to Japan. I was not quite done with crazy adventures and planned to try out a few cities, a few new jobs and situations…essentially, just figure out my next phase in life. Then I casually reunited with a friend I hadn’t seen in years and the sparks flew.  I could tell if we kept heading down the track we were on, this relationship would be It, The One, Your Single Life Is Over.  Was I ready to give up the power to pick up and leave, follow my dreams, yadda yadda?  Had I figured myself out enough to make that kind of commitment?

Well…here we are nearly three years later.  Since our first date, I’ve lived in 3 huge cities, gone through 5 job situations, tried 4 sports and have more awesome people in my life than ever.  It’s true, my future hasn’t gone the way I planned as a Single Gal – it’s better than I pictured, single or not.  Realizing that was the best day.  (Like, “Yup, I found the world’s best teammate and I am locking that shit down FOR LIFE, let’s make pancakes!” AMAZING day.)  

Thanks for letting me gush.  So, yes, I have felt like this.  But my advice is, screw anyone else’s timeline; if you know it’s right, it’s right.  To use a ballet metaphor (one of the 4 to get back into…) No matter when they come onstage, if you find the perfect partner – you must DANCE! :)

Member
264 posts
Helper bee

I’ll be 22, but I’ve been independent from my parents since I was 16 and even before then I took care of myself most of the time (in a good way, parents are city workers and I joined an academy- I didnt run away or anything!). My fiance is going to be 30 and we’ll have just bought our house, money is good and we are so right.

I didnt envisage getting married this young- or at all for that matter- but you don’t really have control over when the right time is

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