- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’m going through a huge trauma in my life and need serious advice.
My wife is a US Citizen and I am a non resident alien from another country(will be gaining permanent residence soon). We have been married for 6 months now. This is my first marriage and 3rd for her. Technically 4th with one broken engagement. We have been coworkers(same department) for 4 years and i never knew anything personal about her until last year because that is when we started talking outside of work. She works in the USA HeadQuarters and i worked in the branch located in my country. I was visiting USA for training and that is when we started going out and eventually dated and got married. All this was quick.
1. Two months after marriage, she confessed to me that she had cheated with both her two ex-husbands while she was married to them. And she promised that she won’t do it with me beause she loves me and unlike her other marriages she is happy with me. When she said all this I truely believed her and still do.
2. At some point in her life she went through an abortion but it only came out after i accidentally came across one of her old email conversations with her best friend. When i asked her abou this, she said she did not want to hurt me or make me think bad about her so she thouht it is not necessary to tell me. She apologized and i accepted. All i told her is to forget the past as i don’t care about it and all i want is her to be faithful and loving to me. She promised to be faithful.
3.Ex-BF: When I first started talking to her outside of work, I got to know from her that one of my co-workers (from my branch and department) was forcing her to marry him by playing with her emotions and threatining to commit suicide. Not to mention but he also had her naked pictures which she said he logged into her email and forwarded those pics to himself. When i knew this, i somehow managed to get her out of that mess and also got all those pics and emails deleted. It was after this we started talking more and when we met, we fell for each other and decided to marry I asked her to stop talking to him and she did. Though she was supposed to be communicating with him for some work related queries, she mostly ignored him. He started sending her terrifying and warning emails but when i directly warned him, he stopped.
Note: This is not really an important or related point but just FYI, She is 5 years elder to me and is what is called “a control freak and OCD”. Sometimes it is frustarting to deal with her behaviour but sometimes it just looks very sweet and doesn’t bother me so much as i love her a lot. Whatever she confessed was after marrying her and was never brought up prior to the marriage. But we did discuss that we both have had past relationships. Also note that I no longer work for that company and am residing in the USA now.
Current Problem: 3 Months ago she told me that she is being forced by her manager to communicate with all the members of the team and so she had to communicate with him too but she promised its only work related. I said ok that is fine but keep it official and only through email She agreed. For instance response they have to use internal chat application.I said that is also fine but keep it strictly work related. 2 Months ago when i would question her about him, like asking if he is harrasing or something, she would kinda argue with me and tell me not to make a big deal out of it and that he is just a co-worker and nothing else. She always complains about how stressfull her work is and complains about all other co workers but him. This made me a bit suspicious and so without her knowledge I configured her laptop’s chat client to store the chat history and when i saw those i found that she chats with him everyday and are mostly non work related. And the worst part is she pings him as soon as she reaches work. Example: Yesterday as soon as she reached work, she pinged him and told him about her mother’s current health issues and he niece’s new born baby and her vacation and everything.
Now tell me guys what in the world should i do? I’m so confused and stressed. Please advice.