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Tell your sister-- "hey, are you two really getting engaged this spring? I kind of wanted a moment in the spotlight, do you think you could hold off til summertime?" Have her relay the info to her SO, and voila.
@bookworm88: I would do this, but I feel like I already have. I have told her I don't want to get engaged at the same time, granted it was before I was very upset about it, and I have told her to wait until he graduates. She responded that she wants to get engaged before she graduates so "she knows if it's forever or not". Obviously she thinks it is, and what's a few more months until he graduates? It's not like she's gonna be losing a lot of time if it ends up not working out. It's a few months in the summertime when she'll be getting adjusted to her new job and surroundings. I highly doubt it will feel like a bunch of lost time for her.
I'd bring it up again. You also might be able to see if you could get engaged earlier in the semester and perhaps she would right around graduation?
Also, since you are well-off, have a stable life and jobs, your engagement is going to be the one that people celebrate. You're going to be able to afford to plan a wedding and build a life together, so I wouldn't worry too much. It sounds like she will have a long engagement and you can do things on your own time.
@rolltideroll: You can't ask your sister to not get engaged. However, you can get engaged sooner and have your engagement moment/shower. I don't think your engagement is more important than hers nor is she trying to ruin your wedding/engagement/life as you stated. This all seems a bit strange but I don't have a sister so I don't understand sibling competition or why you would say such mean things about her. She is your sister. Why are you so angry and upset about something that has not even happened yet?
Sadely, I think it's going to happen whether you like it or not, and you don't want to cause a potentially HUGE rift in your relationship with your sister. Since neither of you are engaged yet, you could be getting angry a little too early. I can understand wanting to have your own moment, and maybe she does too, but life happens when it happens and if she is happy enough and in love enough to get engaged, she has every right to do so whenever the moment happens, just like you do. You also have the option of waiting a few months to announce your engagement, to let her have the limelight for a few months before it shifts to you. If you're unwilling to do this, you can't ask your sister to do it for you. Don't make it a race, or you'll ruin the magic of the proposal and engagement to begin with, for all 4 of you.
I sincerely doubt her engagement has anything to do with yours, it's not like she fell in love on purpose, LOL. My 3 sisters in law were all engaged within the same year, and their weddings were also within a year of each other...none of them were out of shape about stealing the limelight or thunder or anything. Honestly, you getting engaged is a HUGE deal to you, and while people are going to be thrilled to pieces for you, it isn't as monumentous to them. Deep breaths 
@bookworm88: I don't think anyone is going to celebrate one engagement over another based on how much more 'well off' one sister is over the other, if they're both equally happy.
since you are that at the exact same age, it was more than likely that you will share just about all your major milestones. The fact that her bf has not graduated and not as financially positioned to buy a big ol' ring has nothing to do with making the next step. Many people get engaged on graduate income if its the right time for them.. A big fancy expensive ring is not a requirement. I'd be more worried about the actual wedding if you have a lot of out of town family because whether the engagement happens by may or a few months later, I can picture the two of you wanting a wedding the following prime season. I'm also a firm believer that there's no thunder to be stolen. People can be happy for you both at the same time, and at the end of the day, your engagement and wedding will not matter as much to anyone but you and you SO even if it was the only one at the time. Just focus on your own happiness.
Why can't you move up your engagement? It isn't fair to expect someone to rearrange their life around you. She isn't the one with the problem of getting engaged near to each other, you are, so you should be the one changing your plans since it's bothering you so much. Sorry if that's harsh.
With all due respect, I personally don't see the big deal. Your sister getting engaged has no reflection on you and it shouldn't put a damper on the happiness that you and your fiance are engaged.
First what maybe right and perfect timing for YOU doesn't mean it's perfect and right for EVERYONE. People get engaged all the time in various stages of life; what makes you think you can dictate when the right time for someone else is? My sister got engaged less than a month after me; was I upset? No. I didn't need a couple months for the "spotlight" bc honestly the spotlight on an engagement wears off quick and people move on with their lives. I'd say be happy and enjoy this time with your sister; it's not a competition and you're family; that's more important.
I have a twin sister as well and we are currently engaged at the same time. I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years and she with her fiance for 2 years. They were engaged first and I was a little bothered.
I think its best to think about the positives. I was very happy that she found someone that she wanted to spend her life with and that made her happy. Its not worth being upset about the timing of things because we can't control that.
Another positive thing is that you will get to plan weddings together. Its always nice to be able to speak to friends and loved ones about the stresses of planning a wedding especially when they are going through it at the same time.
It is also easy for my sister and I because although we are twins we have very different wedding styles.
Everything will work out. Be happy for each other and enjoy your engagements!
Unfortunately, right as you both graduate and move into another phase of your life is a logical time for you both to get engaged. Just remember that your engagement is yours and no one else's takes away from it! I can understand your frustration though.
@Soladylike: I don't think I said anything mean about my sister...I honestly think anyone in my shoes would be frustrated.
@pinkshoes: I didn't mean anything by the ring other than I think my sister wants a nice one and I'm not sure he'll be able to give that to her at that time. I'm more focused on the part that he hasn't graduated and doesn't have a job. I personally think people should have these things in order before they get engaged, but obviously not everyone thinks like that. I think it has a lot to do with how far along the relationship and their lives are.
After reading everyone's thoughts, although some were a little harsh, you guys are right. It's my engagement and it's just not that special to anyone else. It's special for my SO and I. I just wish they could be a little more considerate. To all the people who said why don't I move mine...I would ask my boyfriend to wait if I was in her shoes, but the fact that we decided this first and her boyfriend will most likely not be graduated when she is, I think it just makes sense that she could wait. Just out of consideration. I guarantee she would feel the same way if she was in my shoes, but she won't think of things from my perspective.
@rolltideroll: I didn't read the replies, but your engagement is special to everyone around you and I'm sure your sister is thrilled for you. Maybe she's caught up in the engagement excitement and wants that for herself too. I can see why it may be frustrating for you to have to share in the excitement, but I can't imagine why her engagement will take anything away from yours. I would try to not pass judgment on her relationship or what you think she should do (ie wait, be more financially stable, etc). Also, I do not think it's appropriate to tell her to put off her engagement for you (although yes, it would have been nice if she did). I know it may be easier said than done, but try to happy for her and enjoy the engagement phase. It's a wonderful time and worth enjoying without bringing in unnecessary tension or competition. I always think a sister is a blessing, even if we may not feel like it sometimes, lol. Good luck and early Congrats!
I understand your perspective. but what about hers? have you thought about her at all? She is obvoiously in a place in her life where she wants to be married to a guy she loves.. just like you are. Why should she have to wait for her married life to start just because you dont want hers to be at the same time as you. Just wondering why you arnt prepared to wait so you can have your own moment? If your reason is that you have been waiting longer, well really so has she... youve both been waiting for the right person and its so lucky that you have both found that person. You cant really say that just because you have been with your boyfriend for 2 yrs and she has only been with hers for one changes anything. It really doesnt. Her relationship could have matured faster than yours, but realy your in different relationships. Perhaps if it was just to compete with you i would understand?
@rolltideroll: I'm more focused on the part that he hasn't graduated and doesn't have a job. I personally think people should have these things in order before they get engaged, but obviously not everyone thinks like that.
We would have to wait until 2015, when we are 27! Right now we already have to wait until we are 25 as it is, but that's more bearable of a wait to us. Everyone has their own timeline. We don't want to wait until I'm done with medical school and he's done with graduate school.
To all the people who said why don't I move mine...I would ask my boyfriend to wait if I was in her shoes, but the fact that we decided this first and her boyfriend will most likely not be graduated when she is, I think it just makes sense that she could wait. Just out of consideration. I guarantee she would feel the same way if she was in my shoes, but she won't think of things from my perspective.
Well, maybe you're not thinking of things from her perspective. She's met someone and wants to marry him, and the right time for them to get engaged is right by your right time to get engaged. And then you'll get to share another experience together. Maybe she's really looking forward to that. Maybe if they'd been together longer than you and your boyfriend, she'd still really want for you to to share this time. We'll never know for sure.
I understand that being an identical twin, you've shared the spotlight with her your whole life and are sick of it. However, I don't think you should get worked up before either of your engagements has even happened yet. There's no guarantee that either of your SOs will actually propose at the time you've discussed. One or both of the engagements could get delayed for any number of reasons. I think you are working yourself up about an event that has not even happened yet. Enjoy the waiting phase while you're in it, you'll never get these days back.
I empathize with your frustration about not wanting to share the spotlight, and this goes beyond the typical "you get one day" speech. But from her perspective (cause DH and I were engaged before I graduated and as he job searched) that it may be easier to get her life together with that one thing surely set. Her life sounds like it's in upheaval and transitional and it would probably be comforting to her to have this thing to depend on. She would know to take him into account for jobs, moving, etc., and it would be just as important to her to celebrate her love with her bf as for you to celebrate yours, especially in the midst of these big life changes for you both. Plus, they may propose at totally different times, and either way you'll be able to have separate celebrations, parties, weddings, and so on. You already know you can't ask her to put her life on hold f or you, so I hope y'all can make the best of potentially going through another exciting life change at the same time!
@jumpthegun: I don't really follow what you were saying in your first comments...we're both only 22. I wasn't saying anything directed towards you.
I'm definitely working myself up over this too soon...and I'm usually guilty of that. I guess I'll just hope my bf does it sooner rather than later and hers does it more towards the end of the semester.
Also, some of these comments just seem quite judgemental of me. I have an opinion that I am in a more able and steady state for this next step in my relationship. That's just what I think would be smart. I think it would be smarter for him to propose once at least one of them has a job. The last comment did make me think differently, though. My sister will definitely hold him more accountable to be on the ball about getting a job and moving and things like that.
I've read quite a few other posts from the perspective of someone nearly in my sister's position and everyone has "understood" the person in my shoes' perspective. Some of these comments are rather harsh even when I've admitted being ridiculous/getting mad too soon. Nothing has really happened between my sister and I besides a brief exchange saying something to the affect that maybe she should wait until he graduates. We're not in a big fight right now and I don't need to be reprimanded for my feelings when I haven't done anything to her. I'm expressing these feelings to you guys to open my eyes to things like "I'm getting mad too soon" or that I'll have fun spending this time together with her.
Right, that is your opinion, that many do share, but some may not, including your sister. As nice as it would be to have a job before a proposal, a job can still be lost at anytime and life must continue. If it makes her happy to just jump in and march forward, that's her business. there will probably be no real wedding planning until there's a job and income anyhow, but they can still be engaged.
Graduating or having what someone else considers a "real job" is not a prerequisite for getting engaged. If you really don't want to be engaged at the same time as your sister then consider not getting engaged if she is. There's always the length of the engagement, if their income is less then their will probably be longer. The truth is, there's no next step up like you are alluding to. Life sort of zig zags. Maybe this sounds harsh too, but it's very much not meant to be. Changing your way of thinking of this is the easiest way to mellow rather than venting online in wedding forums, eh. It's a make believe problem.
@rolltideroll: To put things into perspective for you a little bit from an outsider's side...my FI and I were dating for less than a year (almost exactly 11 months) when we became engaged. At that point in time, we couldn't afford the ring that I would have dreamed of. Before I met my FI, I was in a position where I could go back to school, or I could focus on my personal life...after a LOT of thought, I decided that I'd rather concentrate on my personal life because what I really wanted from life was a family first and a career second. Now that we're engaged, I am every bit as happy and excited as people who have been with their SO's longer or are more financially 'secure', if you will. So, while you're looking at your sister and her bf as being less 'ready' than you, you don't know their exact relationship and unless you live in their shoes can't say for sure who is more 'ready'. I don't mean that in a mean or rude way, it's just the truth. No one will ever know exactly what goes on in another person's relationship.
Also, just because you and your boyfriend decided that you wanted to be engaged "I would like to be engaged before I graduate and have expressed this to him." before your sister announced to you her plans, that's not an exactly definite thing set in stone that it will happen exactly when you think. (It is possible that she and her boyfriend discussed it long before telling you, and possibly they had planned their timeframe before you, and just didn't say anything) Things happen, something could change that could push your proposal back and if your sister was to wait until you were engaged, maybe she'd be waiting a LONG time. In my experience, nothing like this should EVER have to wait. I was married for 6 months before my husband was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer after dating for 5 years because something else would come along and push our engagement back. At the time we didn't think about it, because we had all the time in the world...but after he got sick we couldn't say ENOUGH how sorry we were that we waited so long for the most important part of our life (marriage).
All I can say is (again) don't make it a race or stress about things you can't control. When it happens, enjoy it because it will be special to you no matter what anyone else thinks, and when it happens for your sister WHENEVER that happens, be happy for her and enjoy knowing that she found a good man that will make her happy for the rest of her life. And should it happen at the same time, look at the good side of it (someone to vent to who knows EXACTLY what you're going through) instead of being upset because it takes the focus off of you....it could end up being a LOT of fun!
@MerryWidow: My comment was phrased weird-- I don't mean that people won't celebrate her sister's engagement-- more than the OP will have the cash-fund to have a wedding sooner and that she'll get the opportunity to plan and do things whereas her sister may have a longer engagement-- as she'll need to save up before she can do the traditional wedding things.
@rolltideroll: I don't really follow what you were saying in your first comments...we're both only 22. I wasn't saying anything directed towards you.
I know you weren't, I was just trying to use my own situation as an example of how timelines can vary. We'll be 24 in a few days, but neither FI nor I have jobs because we're pursuing more education. You had said something about being financially secure and having a job, and while he gets paid to go to grad school, I'm very very very deep in a hole from loans for med school. So taking that into account, we'd never get married because loans take forever to pay off hahaha.
I guess I'm being harsh to you (which I acknowledged earlier) because I don't think it should be a race, and you should be happy for her. Their relationship isn't yours, and while you may think they're moving too quickly, she may think you've been taking too long! It's all about perspective 
. And I truly think she would enjoy sharing this time with you, and isn't at all trying to steal your thunder (or going to, whether she tries to or not), which is my understanding of your feelings on the subject, please correct me if I'm wrong. Rushing to the next step to play catch up with you is a TERRIBLE idea, and I'm sure they realize it and wouldn't take that leap just because you're about to. Am I making sense? And people aren't going to be any less excited for you because they're also excited for her. If anything, I think they'd be doubly excited for you two to have both met the people you want to spend the rest of your lives with, and happen to be engaged near the same time. And who knows, maybe you two will plan a double wedding! I am totally messing with you on that one hahaha! Hope you got a good laugh (or a good "omg-this-internet-lady-is-crazy" eye roll) out of that.
@MerryWidow: All I can say is (again) don't make it a race or stress about things you can't control.
I couldn't agree more with your entire post.
@rolltideroll: Also, some of these comments just seem quite judgemental of me. I have an opinion that I am in a more able and steady state for this next step in my relationship. That's just what I think would be smart. I think it would be smarter for him to propose once at least one of them has a job.
It seems really ironic to me that you start off here calling others' comments judgemental, then you immediately start judging your sister's relationship, and what you said about her was way more judgy than anything else that has been said in this post.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and while I am not a twin, I understand both perspectives. From your side - it sucks, you probably told her about it and feel like she is just trying to one up you and take the spotlight from you. From her side, if she read this, she would probably feel very offended and like she can't have her own joy and life. But she may also feel the same about you, even if you may have told her first. It may have been that they had decided before you but never told you.
I think you should talk to her about it - how you feel about her possibly getting engaged, how she feels about you two getting engaged around the same time and also how it will affect the rest of your family. I'm trying to be neutral here but I hope it works out for the best for you. :)
I'm sorry I understand how that could be frustrated, but take a deep breath. She might feel exactly the same way though, and it's honestly not your place to judge her relationship. Honestly you should probably either suck it up or tell your SO that you want to be engaged a couple of months later. It's not really your place at all to tell your sister what she and her SO should do with their lives.
You have got to be kinding me! You have no right to dictate to your sister when they get engaged. Shame on you! Focus on your relationship and stay out of other peoples.
I understand. Although I'm not a twin myself, I have identical twin boys and thus having been reading alot about twin relationships and such. As I have read, twins rarely have anything they can really call their own, many times,not even personal experiences because they are forced / expected to dress the same, have similar names, go to school together, have same friends, share clothes, share room, etc...
I get you. I think you'er sister should understand this. I would think she would want a moment like this all to herself too. I say just bring it up again and focus on how nice it would be for each of you to have unique celebrations of your engagements and have the opportunity to get the lime light for a bit.
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Hey Everyone,
I just want to get some feedback on this and also to vent so I'm not so mad. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2.5 years and will be graduating from Graduate School in 5 months. He has been graduated for a year, has a great job, and is willing to relocate to whereever I get a job. I would like to be engaged before I graduate and have expressed this to him. He has promised he will propose before I graduate and I expect it sometime this upcoming semester.
I also have an identical twin sister with whom most all major milestones in my life have been shared. On top of that we have gone to the same college, majored in the same area, and now doing graduate degrees in the same area. She has been dating her boyfriend for about a year now and they, too, are planning to get engaged before SHE graduates. I will add that he will very likely NOT be graduating in May like my sister and I. He will be taking longer. He does not have a job so far, and from what I can imagine won't be able to buy much of a ring on his graduate student income.
I can't help but get infuriated just thinking about us getting engaged within a month of each other or close to that. I have waited patiently until I think it's the right time for me to get engaged and all things are setup for a smart next step. My boyfriend already has his life setup and he's just waiting for me to graduate to join him. It's the perfect time for us to get engaged. I just don't think it's the perfect time for them given that neither of them have a job yet (I would think that comes BEFORE you get engaged, so you have some idea of your life together).
I have shared nearly everything in my life with my twin sister and for once I thought this was something I could celebrate on my own and she would let me have this moment. Now I know she won't and I'm just not that excited about it. I just want to get the whole wedding over with, go to city hall or something, and not even involve anyone. I feel like she's already ruining it for me. I also think it's just plain rude that her boyfriend can't tell my sister he needs to wait at least a few months so it doesn't overshadow my engagement. I can't imagine she wants this to happen at the same time either.
-Tired of Sharing