Post # 1
I just want to get some feedback on this and also to vent so I’m not so mad. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2.5 years and will be graduating from Graduate School in 5 months. He has been graduated for a year, has a great job, and is willing to relocate to whereever I get a job. I would like to be engaged before I graduate and have expressed this to him. He has promised he will propose before I graduate and I expect it sometime this upcoming semester.
I also have an identical twin sister with whom most all major milestones in my life have been shared. On top of that we have gone to the same college, majored in the same area, and now doing graduate degrees in the same area. She has been dating her boyfriend for about a year now and they, too, are planning to get engaged before SHE graduates. I will add that he will very likely NOT be graduating in May like my sister and I. He will be taking longer. He does not have a job so far, and from what I can imagine won’t be able to buy much of a ring on his graduate student income.
I can’t help but get infuriated just thinking about us getting engaged within a month of each other or close to that. I have waited patiently until I think it’s the right time for me to get engaged and all things are setup for a smart next step. My boyfriend already has his life setup and he’s just waiting for me to graduate to join him. It’s the perfect time for us to get engaged. I just don’t think it’s the perfect time for them given that neither of them have a job yet (I would think that comes BEFORE you get engaged, so you have some idea of your life together).
I have shared nearly everything in my life with my twin sister and for once I thought this was something I could celebrate on my own and she would let me have this moment. Now I know she won’t and I’m just not that excited about it. I just want to get the whole wedding over with, go to city hall or something, and not even involve anyone. I feel like she’s already ruining it for me. I also think it’s just plain rude that her boyfriend can’t tell my sister he needs to wait at least a few months so it doesn’t overshadow my engagement. I can’t imagine she wants this to happen at the same time either.
-Tired of Sharing
Post # 3
Tell your sister– “hey, are you two really getting engaged this spring? I kind of wanted a moment in the spotlight, do you think you could hold off til summertime?” Have her relay the info to her SO, and voila.
Post # 4
@bookworm88: I would do this, but I feel like I already have. I have told her I don’t want to get engaged at the same time, granted it was before I was very upset about it, and I have told her to wait until he graduates. She responded that she wants to get engaged before she graduates so “she knows if it’s forever or not”. Obviously she thinks it is, and what’s a few more months until he graduates? It’s not like she’s gonna be losing a lot of time if it ends up not working out. It’s a few months in the summertime when she’ll be getting adjusted to her new job and surroundings. I highly doubt it will feel like a bunch of lost time for her.
Post # 5
I’d bring it up again. You also might be able to see if you could get engaged earlier in the semester and perhaps she would right around graduation?
Also, since you are well-off, have a stable life and jobs, your engagement is going to be the one that people celebrate. You’re going to be able to afford to plan a wedding and build a life together, so I wouldn’t worry too much. It sounds like she will have a long engagement and you can do things on your own time.
Post # 6
@rolltideroll: You can’t ask your sister to not get engaged. However, you can get engaged sooner and have your engagement moment/shower. I don’t think your engagement is more important than hers nor is she trying to ruin your wedding/engagement/life as you stated. This all seems a bit strange but I don’t have a sister so I don’t understand sibling competition or why you would say such mean things about her. She is your sister. Why are you so angry and upset about something that has not even happened yet?
Post # 7
Sadely, I think it’s going to happen whether you like it or not, and you don’t want to cause a potentially HUGE rift in your relationship with your sister. Since neither of you are engaged yet, you could be getting angry a little too early. I can understand wanting to have your own moment, and maybe she does too, but life happens when it happens and if she is happy enough and in love enough to get engaged, she has every right to do so whenever the moment happens, just like you do. You also have the option of waiting a few months to announce your engagement, to let her have the limelight for a few months before it shifts to you. If you’re unwilling to do this, you can’t ask your sister to do it for you. Don’t make it a race, or you’ll ruin the magic of the proposal and engagement to begin with, for all 4 of you.
I sincerely doubt her engagement has anything to do with yours, it’s not like she fell in love on purpose, LOL. My 3 sisters in law were all engaged within the same year, and their weddings were also within a year of each other…none of them were out of shape about stealing the limelight or thunder or anything. Honestly, you getting engaged is a HUGE deal to you, and while people are going to be thrilled to pieces for you, it isn’t as monumentous to them. Deep breaths
Post # 8
@bookworm88: I don’t think anyone is going to celebrate one engagement over another based on how much more ‘well off’ one sister is over the other, if they’re both equally happy.
Post # 9
since you are that at the exact same age, it was more than likely that you will share just about all your major milestones. The fact that her bf has not graduated and not as financially positioned to buy a big ol’ ring has nothing to do with making the next step. Many people get engaged on graduate income if its the right time for them.. A big fancy expensive ring is not a requirement. I’d be more worried about the actual wedding if you have a lot of out of town family because whether the engagement happens by may or a few months later, I can picture the two of you wanting a wedding the following prime season. I’m also a firm believer that there’s no thunder to be stolen. People can be happy for you both at the same time, and at the end of the day, your engagement and wedding will not matter as much to anyone but you and you SO even if it was the only one at the time. Just focus on your own happiness.
Post # 10
Why can’t you move up your engagement? It isn’t fair to expect someone to rearrange their life around you. She isn’t the one with the problem of getting engaged near to each other, you are, so you should be the one changing your plans since it’s bothering you so much. Sorry if that’s harsh.
Post # 11
With all due respect, I personally don’t see the big deal. Your sister getting engaged has no reflection on you and it shouldn’t put a damper on the happiness that you and your fiance are engaged.
Post # 12
First what maybe right and perfect timing for YOU doesn’t mean it’s perfect and right for EVERYONE. People get engaged all the time in various stages of life; what makes you think you can dictate when the right time for someone else is? My sister got engaged less than a month after me; was I upset? No. I didn’t need a couple months for the “spotlight” bc honestly the spotlight on an engagement wears off quick and people move on with their lives. I’d say be happy and enjoy this time with your sister; it’s not a competition and you’re family; that’s more important.
Post # 13
I have a twin sister as well and we are currently engaged at the same time. I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years and she with her fiance for 2 years. They were engaged first and I was a little bothered.
I think its best to think about the positives. I was very happy that she found someone that she wanted to spend her life with and that made her happy. Its not worth being upset about the timing of things because we can’t control that.
Another positive thing is that you will get to plan weddings together. Its always nice to be able to speak to friends and loved ones about the stresses of planning a wedding especially when they are going through it at the same time.
It is also easy for my sister and I because although we are twins we have very different wedding styles.
Everything will work out. Be happy for each other and enjoy your engagements!
Post # 14
Unfortunately, right as you both graduate and move into another phase of your life is a logical time for you both to get engaged. Just remember that your engagement is yours and no one else’s takes away from it! I can understand your frustration though.
Post # 15
@Soladylike: I don’t think I said anything mean about my sister…I honestly think anyone in my shoes would be frustrated.
@pinkshoes: I didn’t mean anything by the ring other than I think my sister wants a nice one and I’m not sure he’ll be able to give that to her at that time. I’m more focused on the part that he hasn’t graduated and doesn’t have a job. I personally think people should have these things in order before they get engaged, but obviously not everyone thinks like that. I think it has a lot to do with how far along the relationship and their lives are.
After reading everyone’s thoughts, although some were a little harsh, you guys are right. It’s my engagement and it’s just not that special to anyone else. It’s special for my SO and I. I just wish they could be a little more considerate. To all the people who said why don’t I move mine…I would ask my boyfriend to wait if I was in her shoes, but the fact that we decided this first and her boyfriend will most likely not be graduated when she is, I think it just makes sense that she could wait. Just out of consideration. I guarantee she would feel the same way if she was in my shoes, but she won’t think of things from my perspective.
Post # 16
@rolltideroll: I didn’t read the replies, but your engagement is special to everyone around you and I’m sure your sister is thrilled for you. Maybe she’s caught up in the engagement excitement and wants that for herself too. I can see why it may be frustrating for you to have to share in the excitement, but I can’t imagine why her engagement will take anything away from yours. I would try to not pass judgment on her relationship or what you think she should do (ie wait, be more financially stable, etc). Also, I do not think it’s appropriate to tell her to put off her engagement for you (although yes, it would have been nice if she did). I know it may be easier said than done, but try to happy for her and enjoy the engagement phase. It’s a wonderful time and worth enjoying without bringing in unnecessary tension or competition. I always think a sister is a blessing, even if we may not feel like it sometimes, lol. Good luck and early Congrats!