- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I have seen a few posts around here about similar topics and am looking for some input.
My FI and I are very different people – we acknowledge it and make it work. He is very outgoing and extroverted – I am a homebody and very introverted. When it came to our wedding, he always thought he would want something small but post-proposal realized he wanted a big ol’ party. For me, the important part has always been the ceremony – I am fine with a party of a reception, but need a small ceremony. I have always believed marriage vows are sacred, between the two people getting married, and no one else.
We had a lot of “talks” about this – I wanted to keep our ceremony within 20 people. He couldn’t get his own list down to 20. In the end, I lost the argument because so many people are traveling to the wedding (we are getting married in my home province, but about 50% of our guests are traveling) – it was felt that guests would be insulted if they traveled to be there and couldn’t come to the ceremony. I made the request, then, that I get a chance to meet all the people I didn’t know beforehand at a welcome dinner. (We were looking at about 50-60 people – I didn’t know about 20 of them.)
Then, his parents – who are paying – insisted on inviting 30 of their friends. And then they invited people. So now we are at 90 people, more than half of whom I don’t know. And I feel like neither my FI nor his family has respected the compromises I made, or my belief that the ceremony is sacred. So I have asked my FI if we can actually get married the night before the wedding, at the rehearsal. Our parents will be there, and our siblings – it will be a surprise for them. We don’t have to exchange rings or sign the register, but I want to go through the vows (we are writing our own), say the I Dos, and I want to legally become husband and wife that night. I want that moment to be the one I remember, as when I made the commitment to him forever.
He is refusing because it feels fake.
Bees, where is the compromise? I just can’t give up everything I believe about the ceremony, and I feel like I have budged on everything so far. There has to be some middle ground – I thought have the small ceremony and vows the night before was it. Is the another option?