Two families – two opinions, us stuck in the middle…

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your husband has to be the one to tell his side to stop commenting. Their behaviour, while I am sure it comes from good intentions, is inappropriate. And he should tell them just that. As for your side, again, this is between you and your husband. If you guys are ready, then you are ready. It does not matter if other people will be happy- what matters is you two! So hard I know.

Post # 4
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Katchin:  I agree with PP that your husband should tell his side (and you should tell yours). You should tell them, bluntly, to stop going on about it, with lines like, “Please stop. It’s not your business, we’ll have children when we’re ready”. Threaten to walk out / hang up the phone if they continue to bring it up, and do it if necessary. Both families are being inapproriate. Sometimess rude behaviour deserves a rude response.

And best of luck TTCing!

Post # 5
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I agree with PPs. It’s time for your husband to tell his family to STFU. Their opinions are unnecessary and unwanted. Your reproductive system is your business, not theirs. As for your side, it’s the same thing. Make it crystal clear to your family that your reproductive decisions are not up for discussion. You will do what is right for you and your marriage, and they can keep their opinions to themselves.

Post # 6
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think PPs gave good advice.  I don’t think it’s a good idea to mention TTC to your families.  I would think it’s awkward to basically announce “Hey, we’re planning to have unprotected sex over here!” Embarassed

 

Post # 7
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well, your in-laws will be thrilled if it does happen, and while it’s easy for your parents to say to wait until you’re done with school because they don’t think you’re TTC, I’m sure if they found out you were pregnant they’d be thrilled as well. But either way, it’s NONE of their business whether or not you are trying!! I would sit them all down and tell them that trying to conceive is a very personal subject and you’d appreciate it if they’d leave it up to you and your husband and to please stop discussing it. 

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Katchin:  You tell them nicely, but firmly, to butt out.

“family, we love you and know you want the best for us but this subject is now closed. This is a deeply personal issue that’s between FI and I. If and when we have news to share, you will be the first to know.

If they bring it up after that, wait a beat and then pointedly change the subject or simply get up and leave. Stop letting these people butt into your life.

Post # 9
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Zhabeego:  +1 agreed!

Tell them to cut it out (both of you need to, not just him, since you’re a team now) and when they bring it up change the subject or walk away (love the walking away if it gets too much)

Post # 10
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

After being asked this question a million times I lost my shit and answered “so you are asking about mine and DH’s sex life?”  that shut them up. Not the best or most adult answer but it worked.   A simple “when you need to know something we will be happy to tell you until then please keep your comments to yourself” will work.

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There comes a point when you have to weigh up which causes you most stress. The desire to avoid confrontation or the constant barrange of questions about having children. It seems to me that the line has been crossed in your case. There’s no need to be confrontational though. Just point out politely, but firmly, that these are intimate matters that you’d rather not be constantly questioned about. Point out that you will, of course, be quick to tell them when you have conceived so that they can share in your joy. 

If you then get any more intrusive questions you keep repeating the message “As we’ve said before, we prefer not to talk about that right now, thanks”.

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